Ladies, ever feel like your beer of choice doesn’t supercharge you with enough grrl power? Yeah, me neither. But just in case you know someone who’s been suffering without a malt beverage that’s part chick lit, part Spice Girls, no need to fear, Chick Beer is here.
Can I get a “zigazig ha?”
“Finally, a beer just for women,” promises the Chick Beer website. “A premium light American lager, Chick is the only beer brand designed for women, who drink 25% of all beer sold in the U.S.”
Yes. Finally. No more settling for Corona Lights. No more pining for days of Zima gone by. So what makes Chick uniquely girlie? The company’s founder Shazz Lewis told the Village Voice, “It’s very mellow. It has a little less carbonation so it doesn’t make you burp. There’s no bitterness, and I think that was the big appeal for women.” The website describes it as “lightly carbonated, for less of that bloaty feeling.”
Translation: it’s like taking a sip of the flat Coors Light you forgot to finish before bed last night. Burpless yeast water! I feel more feminine already. And the dots painted on the label are kinda like bubbles, so that’s almost as good as actual carbonation.
And then there’s the packaging: there’s lots of Barbie-pink and of course, the logo is set in that curlicue font you were aiming for when you doodled the name of your 6th grade crush on your Trapper Keeper. The Chick Beer website explains:
The bottle is designed to reflect the beautiful shape of a woman in a little black dress. The six-pack looks like you are carrying your beer in a hip stylish, purse. Chick’s unique reflective bottle blings you up! It’s fun, fabulous, and female!
It’s like carrying a trendy purse filled with bling home from the grocery store! Or like carrying a regular cardboard six-pack with a painting of a purse on the side. But, you know, tomayto, tomahto. All that’s missing are estrogen-laced tampons for bottle stoppers, a free sample of Midol, and a coupon for one of Oprah’s Book Club picks. I am woman, watch me roll my eyes.
Chick Beer may soon replace Tampax as the number one thing husbands “accidentally” forget to pick up at the store.
After reading this article, I conclude that my liking for Knob Creek chased with Schwartzbier evidently makes me so manly that I may spontaneously combust from excess testosterone.
The whole “empowering women” schtick is so yesterday. What is it about women that we’re supposed to need some kind of a empowering booster shot? Poor, delicate flowers in need of a charity to come along and give them a spine. It’s insulting really.
Perhaps there is a niche market for this product. I bet its pretty miniscule.
Has there ever been a product marketed with greater contempt for its consumer? Can’t effing WAIT for the 30-second ad campaign roll-out!
Flavorless beer is not liberation. It is an abomination.
Plenty of bland lagers out there to choose from. Or you can go with something containing a bit more flavor and color. White Rascal from Avery Brewing, Devil’s Backbone from Real Ale (seasonal but worth it), Xingu from Brazil (a black lager but not your standard pale American offering), or just grab anything from New Belgium Brewing.
Women don’t need to be protected from good beer. They just need to be protected from Chick Beer.
My hubs spent many hours teaching our daughter to belch the alphabet. Why should she hide her talent by drinking a non-burp beer? When she’s partying in college, she’ll be the envy of all the boyz. Now THAT’s “girl power”! (wink)
Not only will I never drink this swill, I feel like boycotting its contract brewer for allowing it to exist outside Shazz Lewis’ crippled mind. I loved the comment on the VV article “beer should be ashamed you’re using its name.”
If you’re gonna drink beer, drink BEER! Light beer is for stupid people who buy crap like fat free half and half……..idiots. Enjoy a bottle, or six, of Blue Heron APA from Mendocino Brewing, or try their Red Tail Lager if you’d like something less ‘manly’. Chick beer, the sissification of America continues.
Akatsukami, brilliant observation, but to achieve your immolation you should probably switch to single malt scotch. It’s the choice of hairy chested captains of industry. hehehe
I’ve been reading write ups about this beer all day, and every time, it gets me more riled up. If you’d like to see my perspective, please read my blog post as well: http://wp.me/p14jDy-bC
I encourage more people to speak out against this ridiculousness. Who needs another Sex-In-The-City product out there to make us LESS empowered?
Great Article, Jenn. Sometimes it takes me awhile to get to the good stuff.
Schlitz Malt Liquor in the brown paper bag – it’s all a Girl really needs.
Now cock that pistol, hear?