I just got a press release about a new book co-authored by Randi Kreger, the author of Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder. Her new book is called Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone With Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The book is described as follows:
SPLITTING is a legal and psychological guidebook that everyone seeking a divorce from a persuasive blamer should own. Written by Bill Eddy, a family lawyer, divorce mediator, and experienced social worker, and Randi Kreger, BPD expert and author of the bestselling Stop Walking on Eggshells, it offers readers help for navigating the entire process of divorce: hiring and managing a divorce lawyer, reaching a reasonable settlement, protecting oneself and one’s children from emotional and/or physical abuse from the former spouse, resisting false accusations, and getting enforceable court orders. The book also delves into the difficult-to-understand, aggressive behavior of persuasive blamers, offering readers psychological explanations for their former spouse’s actions and help for coping emotionally with the spouse’s extreme mood swings and impulsivity.
If you or someone you know is thinking of divorce from a wife or husband who has either or both of these disorders, this book could potentially be a huge help with the emotional and legal fall-out.
Categories: Books and Magazines
A friend who’s an expert on borderlines thinks very highly of Kreger, and of “Walking on Eggshells.”
I gave the walking on eggshells book to my mother so she might read it and understand how to interact with me better. She went from talking to me occassionally to not even speaking to me at all.
She was a social worker her whole life.
Awesome.
NPD. They can’t change. They will always be what they are.
The problem with both books, of course, is trying to read them without your narcissist discovering what you’re doing.
If you’re reading about narcissists, the NPD will assume you’re studying up on yourself or someone else: they’re the last people in the world to recognize that they’re narcissists.
My father, a psychology professor, is a cerebral narcissist who naturally assumes that if something were wrong with him, he’d be the first to know.
IOW, he’ll never know, and if I were to diagram it out in 3D he’d just chalk it up to my maliciousness.
Not to worry — I think if Michelle ever wanted to leave Barack, she could beat the hell out of him before she ever walked out the door…
…and if Barack ever wanted to leave Michelle, she could beat the hell out of him before he ever walked out the door…
Either that, or she would sit on him.
Or, if you really want the divorce, you could just have an election.
Fortunately, I don’t have to worry about this because I’m the one with the narcissistic personality. I’ll certainly recommend the book to my wife, though.
The first rule of NPD is that you don’t admit you are NPD. If you “admit” it, you likely don’t have it (though you may have narcissistic tendencies).
On the serious, I would also recommend Gavin de Becker’s GIFT OF FEAR. Especially if you have a daughter.
Your daughter is unlikely to read the book, but you can condense and deliver de Becker’s overall message every time she leaves the house: Trust your Intuition, Be Aware, don’t be Politically Correct when dealing with Personal Safety…
Such (repeated) advice might help prevent a relationship with someone that damaged.
Sure wish I had this when I went through hell.
Yeah, I needed the book 20 years ago. There were reasons that I didn’t take alimony and was happy for sole custody. While I wouldn’t have changed it because of my children, sure has left me with huge problems.
already been there.. I will be buying that book
as it stands.. I have a 50-50 consented custody agreement.. cause I’m not an asshole..
Doctor Helen, this is timely. I work in the Social Services in property management/counseling (we’re a sort-of group home lite), and I just spent yesterday and today dealing with a woman who took a garbage can being moved from a porch to under the porch (a distance of about 12 additional feet), and manipulated it into a vast dispute involving other clients, my job responsibilities, and so on. All chock full of tears, shouting, lies, misrepresentations, and hyper-inflation of tiny events into earth-shaking injustices.
I am certainly going to purchase this book.
Thank you for pointing out that you don’t have to be married to or living with someone to suffer. I had the worst of both worlds. I was married to a narcissist and worked for one. Between the two my life was hell. I divorced the first and then found another job. Luckily my ex didn’t bother to follow me for long, he just keeps finding more women. My ex boss however called my new employer and gave me a bad reference. Again, luckily I had other references and my new boss was appalled at the behavior enough to ignore it. Others are not so fortunate.
No problem at all. These people are everywhere, strewing wreckage around them, as if a Hurricane. They care not about the carnage, it’s all about “me me ME.”
Do you know the woman I’d mentioned went to my Bosses Boss today, and tried to get me fired for her imagined slights? Fortunately, he is experienced and canny, and understands this syndrome far better than I. *Whew*
Mind you – and as your own experience suggest – they really don’t care what damage they do. Imagine that…me, being terminated from my job, because I moved a flipping garbage can 12 feet. What an outrage, eh?
And that is utterly no joke. That was the root cause of two plus days of emotional outbursts, name-calling, shouting, tying up me, other counselors, case managers, lies, innuendos, what have you.
These people are inherently dangerous.
By the way, Doctor Helen – I forwarded this article to said Bosses boss, and other staff (plus a PubMed description of same), and they all agree that this is precisely what we are dealing with in this case. a VERY timely article indeed.
Dr Marsha Linehan has made some progress in treating borderlines (if that’s what this woman is). The main drawback is that it is difficult to get borderlines to seek treatment. It is helpful for those around them to learn what they are dealing with and how to spot patterns that cause the borderline to “act out”.
http://behavioraltech.org/index.cfm?CFID=48786680&CFTOKEN=59030849
Nothing Borderline about her, Bob – she is the full-blown, real deal.
Do you mean to say that such behavior is not typical of most females?
Why is he concerned about the collapsing world economy, and she focuses on cleaning the cat box?
“The book also delves into the difficult-to-understand, aggressive behavior of persuasive blamers.”
Most of the posters seem to think this issue is funny but if you have watched in horror as attorneys, human services workers, district attorneys, and even judges cave in to the demands of one of these conscience-free individuals while your life is being demolished you have a very different opinion of this very serious problem.
Amen, Chuck. I’ve only dated a borderline personality. I can’t imagine the nightmare of divorcing one.
The solution is to terminate all contact. Aunt Stella used to say, “Don’t make no deals with nutcakes.”
Get the best court order you can, and live with it.
Emotionally disturbed persons do not, perhaps cannot, reason logically. So don’t waste your time trying to convince a 300 pounder to high jump seven feet.
Yes. Get on the bus, get out of town and don’t look back. Do not look for, nor offer responses to demands for, ‘closure’.
Got that right.
This sort of nonsense wears you down. It doesn’t end, reoccurs over and over again.
Not for nothing does my profession have a high burnout rate.
You’re probably right. Many of us have dealt with (or lived with), unpleasant people, but getting tangled up with a genuinely toxic personality is no laughing matter. It can ruin your life.
Hear hear.
I sat in stunned awe as my friend’s diagnosed narcissist husband walked all over her and her attorney in court. I still cannot believe the court bought his bull crap hook, line and sinker. He got it all–the only thing he had to deal with was 50% custody and he’s even fighting that. Even though he got all their money and possessions, he’s still demanding the court force her to give him child support.
I’m going to have to give her this book.
It almost always works the other way around. Mom gets the kids, the home, the best of the cars, the bank accounts, the CDs, the stocks, spousal support, child support; and dad gets the bills and is allowed to weep.
Often dad is also required to pays moms’ lawyer and subvent her live-in boyfriend. In CA the Feminazi movement has emerged triumphant. As a result, our prisons are filled with sired but unfathered young people.
I know it says more about me than the book (which I have not yet read), but when I first saw the title I involuntarily shuddered at the thought: “Oh no – another shotgun accusation which the Militant Feminism and the Divorce Industry will use against males as a gender.” )
I agree with Chuck. There are people who are simply Black Holes who will demand all, which is never enough. The line between being “nice” and a “floor mat” quickly is blurred. We should be sorry for enabling their bad behavior about as long as they are sorry for being that way. Times up. I’m not sorry any more. Even though my separation and divorce were several years ago, and my children were not minors at the time, the mom is still very manipulative. I’ll need to check these out. Thanks.
I have to confess this is the first time I’ve heard the term “persuasive blamer”, and though I have an intuition about what it means, can someone give a quick primer on the definition? Thank you!
If your life motto is “Dare To Be Dull” you tend to miss this kind of excitement.
Any recommendations for what to do when you have a boss like this?
Change jobs?
Or give the book to the boss’s boss.
If the boss in question is the CEO, forget it. Leave him to rot in his own self-pity.
invite the boss to have lunch in the park- next to that still pond
I picked up on this same line:
“The book also delves into the difficult-to-understand, aggressive behavior of persuasive blamers.”
Not to make light of the situation that is the topic of the book, but this would seem to be a useful book for Republican legislators dealing with Present Barry, who is difficult-to-understand, aggressive towards his opponents, and is a persuasive (and chronic) blamer.
Bingo.
Wish I’d had the first book 20 years ago; might have relieved the need for the second book ten years ago.
Oh, how I wish this book had been out a year ago before my divorce was finalized! I have the first one, and it was quite helpful.
Seems like the title (“Splitting”) is ironic since that is one of the crazier elements of borderline personality disorder. “Splitting” is when a borderline sees only your good points at one moment and only your bad points another moment. I have a spouse of nearly 30 years who will look at me with a dreamy romantic look in her eye. Later that night, she might be angrily laying into for every tiny little thing I have ever done (even going back 30 years). After working herself into a trembling rage, it might take a couple of weeks for her to return to baseline. She doesn’t think she has a problem so she won’t seek help.
Some comfort, though, is that borderlines tend to calm down as they get older. I have found this to be true in our case.
Unless she is absolutely the most amazing woman in bed it looks like you are 29 years late to the door.
I hear that once in a while. My vow was “for better or for worse, till death do us part”. If you don’t mean it, don’t commit to it.
But I understand where you’re coming from. I can’t say I haven’t thought about it.
Cheers to you, your honesty and your integrity.
Good Grief Bob, That vow is not meant to force you to include a lifetime of abuse, addiction, or adultry (keeping it simple by listing Dr Laura’s 3 A’s) – these release you from your sincere marital vows.
I’m delighted to see this. For those of us who have been thru it, ‘unmitigated hell’ doesn’t come close. There is a book that a friend of mine literally threw at me (READ THIS GET A *(&^$ LAWYER!) that may also help. “The Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them”. If you are or have a friend who is male, don’t be put off – there is much in this book that is not gender-specific.
http://www.amazon.com/Men-Hate-Women-Love-Them/dp/0553381415/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1314192013&sr=1-1
There is heaven after hell. Happily, deeply married for almost 20 yrs.
That he buys me diamonds has nothing to do with anything.
NPD people are walking, talking 24/7 domestic war crimes. The mayhem and pain they inflict can’t be exaggerated. (In my experience, they don’t even care about their own children – or at least they only care about them in the context of manipulating them to benefit themselves in some way.) Dismiss them at your peril. They’re not necessarily intelligent, but their mental illness is almost a genius unto itself. Scary and strange people.
I have a friend whose husband after many years of marriage has divorced her. She has never worked (he a professional) and has successfully homeschooled their children. The older ones are well educated, successful and happy. He wants to end that for the ones left at home. According to him she has to go to work. He is going to “rescue” the kids at home and send them to public school.
They cannot stand being with him. The father is barely speaking to the well-educated, successful, older ones. He is rigid and oblivious to the younger kids personalities, gifts and needs. He is always right. Never wrong. Ever. But sooo reasonable and sooo persuasive ….
So professionals are working with him to help him parent better and telling the kids to suck it up. (Since he is not a physical threat to them and doesn’t do drugs or get drunk …) I’m all for giving fathers time and space, but this guy is out to — strike that — has ruined his younger kids lives already. They will be serving time every minute they are with him. (He takes notes on their behavior in front of them so he can complain about their mother’s influence.)
So I am hoping the book might give the mother’s lawyer (who is supposed to be quite good) the chops to sock it to this guy … who has been late with every paper that has been required if he complies at all. He uses financial hearing for custody discussions. And the judge lets him and his attorney skate. (And they accuse the mother of blocking the proceedings.)
It is baffling and amazing. I honestly thought family judges had seen it all. And could smell it when they walked into the courtroom.
Apparently I was wrong.
Well it has been decades ago so I’m pretty sure everyone is well clear and dispersed. But the abdication of Judges and Lawyers in dealing with the wack jobs in family courts has been apparent for quite a long time. If you lack resources the system can destroy you financially. A consequence is that people will step outside the system, unintended consequences. An incident that I’m aware of involved an abusive mama’s boy who wouldn’t leave his ex-wife alone. Her brother gave him a warning an it was ignored. Shortly thereafter the wife beater was set upon and beat down to the point he had to be hospitalized, and his sports car that his mommy had bought him was set on fire. He never bothered the ex-wife again. The brother and all of the wife’s family members had a rock solid alibis for the incident. Some months afterwards the brother casually mentioned, “Amazing what you can get done for a few bottle of wine and some out of town bus tickets.”
My wife is a Filipina. She tells me that wife beating is pretty rare in the Philippines. They tend to have large families. If a guy beats his wife, her male relatives will come and beat the crap out of him. It seems to work. Frankly, I consider that far more effective than a restraining order.
Hopefully, she discusses the necessity of acquiring a gun and self-defense training.
“He walked right through that restraining order and put her in Intensive Care.” — Goodbye Earl.
I went through that with my custody case. Happily, I won full custody of my kid, thanks to her mom telling the court that her daughter shouldn’t have custody of a child, but we went through the creepy late night drive bys, the lies, the allegations, all of it. It was not pretty, but it can be handled. You’ve got to realize that the kid needs a certain amount of strength and stability in their lives which they aren’t going to get from the afflicted parent, so it’s up to you to be that much more, for them.
Keep fighting! Never give up!
I think that the APA has dropped NPD from the DSM.
A very recent cover story on Psychology Today was “How to Spot a Narcissist”.
Even if the DSM has dropped it, Barry has put the matter front and center in our cultural awareness.
I was able to retain full custody and no visitation after her actions went so far beyond pale that the judge basically didn’t allow anything.
The filed paperwork against me looks bad, the claims, the accusations from the Gaurdian Ad Litum, and the issues my kids have to deal with were horrid. But, $40,000 or so later, I am free.
Worth. Every. Penny.
But I will echo Bookworm: There would have been no way I could have been allowed to find the time or privacy to read either books. The money spent would have been tracked unless I bought with cash, and if I took to long getting home I would have been called out for it. They don’t call them controlling relationships for no reason! :/
After my shrink diagnosed me as “narcissistically impaired” I did some reading about NPD and it scared the hell out of me, since folks with NPD do not change. When I expressed my fears, he told me that people with NPD are not frightened by it, that the fact that I had fears and at least a small conscience is proof that I don’t have the personality disorder.
I’m guessing that a measurable number of politicians and political activists are narcissists if not full blown NPDs.
Thank you for your post. I immediately ordered the “Stop Walking on Eggshells” book. My only sister most certainly seems to have BPD. It is extremely hard on more than just spouses to deal with BPD persons. All family members go through hell in trying to maintain relationships with them. Looking forward to some helpful advice from the book.
In my experience, dealing with narcissists (although in a more “Quirk” rather than “Disability” aspect), you have to be very careful about “giving in to get along”. As soon as you have given in an inch, that becomes the new negotiating line, and they are perfectly willing to keep moving your line over and over and over no matter what gets “agreed”, they are willing to break any and all social conventions (i.e. personal space, language, separation of work and private life, etc..) in order to promote their ideas and grind yours into the dust.
They seem to do just fine when given tasks to their level of competence, such as community organizing or state senator. /sarc
Amazing observation. That is EXACTLY what I am still going through in post dissolution issue resolution in my divorce. Any effort to make a concession is not seen as an act of good faith to be reciprocated but a sign of weakness and a signal that they have you on your knees.
There is no side to an issue but their side. If you have given in to a person with NPD during the marriage for the sake of the marriage and/or children and stand your ground during the divorce watch out! The NPD party’s head will explode as they encounter this totally unexpected behavior. I actually feel sorry for my NPD ex wife as she cannot understand this odd behavior.
Lots of people with narcissistic personality disorder also have antisocial personality traits. A great website for people who have left narcissists and antisocials is Lovefraud. I went through a divorce and custody fight that left me completely traumatized. I wish that I had had some decent guidance at that time. I will say that my lawyer and my psychologist were fairly useless. Neither one had any insight into what it was like to be divorcing someone who was a complete gameplayer, and who was actually ENJOYING the divorce process.
I’ll bet 80% of the divorcing population believes their spouse has one or both of these disorders, whether or not they’ve been medically diagnosed. So, more grist for those who, having read X-many self-help books, readily diagnose everyone they meet, but especially their husbands. I feel most of these books are written for and purchased by women. (However, borderline is more frequently diagnosed in females. No matter, the non-professionals who read these books aren’t picky.) And more bucks in the pockets of the professionals who provide the ammunition.
I think there is something unethical about all this.
The only error you have ever made in your life was expecting better of someone, I take it.
John R.
Here is more on Persuasive Blamers:
http://www.bpd411.org/persuasiveblamers.html
Donald Sensing,
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is still in the DSM-IV. However, they are thinking of taking it out of the forthcoming DSM -V which author Randi Kreger thinks is a mistake:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201012/end-narcissistic-personality-disorder-in-dsm-5
I have been going through a divorce from wife with NPD (but without delusions of grandeur or massive ego, just no faults, always right, other people are to blame, etc). Marriage is dissolved but other issues remain.
The best web site I found can be found be Googling the words “narcissistic” and “duck.”
http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/howto.html
It is great and chilling as attribute after attribute are described e.g. inability to listen, total lack of empathy, not revising their early world view in response to experience, wringing you out and throwing you away.
Here are some snips from the website below.
How to recognize a narcissist :
Never love anything that can’t love you back
“If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck….”
To my knowledge, none of the narcissistic individuals I’ve known personally have had official diagnoses of Narcissistic Personality Disorder; they have not sought help and so haven’t been assessed clinically. On the other hand, members of their families have sought help to cope with them…
The practical test, so far as I know, is that with normal people, no matter how difficult, you can get some improvements, at least temporarily, by saying, essentially, “Please have a heart.” This doesn’t work with narcissists; in fact, it usually makes things worse.
It’s impossible to overemphasize the importance of narcissists’ lack of empathy. It colors everything about them. I have observed very closely some narcissists I’ve loved, and their inability to pay attention when someone else is talking is so striking that it has often seemed to me that they have neurological problems that affect their cognitive functioning.
From my personal experience, and from what I’ve seen in the clinical literature, narcissists don’t talk about their inner life — memories, dreams, reflections — much at all.
The narcissist will treat you just like a broken toy or tool or an unruly body part: “If thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off” [Matt. 18:8]. THIS MEANS YOU!
I recommend Stop Walking on Eggshells. (I work in mental health, FWIW.)
I gave it to folks who had an adult daughter who had them in emotional knots. It helped the mom at least understand some things.
IN addition the person did mellow as they got older. And what the therapist they had then said started to make sense.
My mother gave me some very good advice for dealing with such women – most women in fact – dominate them. Very un-PC. And it works so well.
Maybe a review of “Kiss Me Kate” or “The Taming Of The Shrew” is in order.
Brush up your Shakespeare indeed.
For those old enough to remember:
Richard Burton and Liz Taylor. It is especially clear in the movie “Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Wolf?”
Nearly all the comments seem to be from those who have dealt with NPD types. Believe it or not, you had it easier than those of us who deal with the BPD. The NPD is not that hard to spot. The BPD on the other hand is always manipulating, every single second of every day. In every way. Verbal, non-verbal, you name it. It’s not just utterly confusing, but it’s also exhausting. They will poison every relationship you might ever have. They taint every relationship. Every person you know will have a tainted opinion of you because of things that have been said or implied outside of your presence, and always in such a way that you will never be told what you are “accused” of.
The manipulations are so extreme and and never-ending that it is literally impossible to have any safe contact with a BPD. Any contact with one will put you at risk. “contact” being defined as any time you are withhin range of the manipulation. There is no lie too big or too small for a BPD. They will spin a web of lies in an instant, and can change to a completely opposite web of lies in a heartbeat.
The frustration is that they are extremely hard to recognize. They utterly believe every word of every fantasy they spew. None of it is true, ever, except by the most incredible accident. But in their own mind, at that moment, it’s complete truth. As was alluded to by other commentors, one trait is that those around them flip from hero to enemy in an eyeblink. As the hero you can do no wrong, but as the enemy they truly believe that it is their sacred duty in life to make you as miserable as possible in every way.
Sorry for the long comment. If you know anyone who may be in a relationship with a BPD do them (the non-BPD) a favor: give them one of the above books, or the book “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me.” The first step to safety is to know what is happening. I lived for years in total confusion, knowing there was something terribly wrong but not being able to pin it down. I finally stumbled on that book I mentioned here, and immediately knew this was the explanation. Finally the behaviors fit a pattern. I can’t say they made sense, because they don’t, but they fit the pattern. The “professionals” are pretty nearly useless in this since their training sets them up to observe feelings, emotions, etc. and they don’t listen to the words themselves. For the non-BPD the words tell the story. The inconsitencies are screaming out but the “professionals” don’t hear because they are responding to the emotional manipulation of the BPD. This includes the mental health experts, the judges, lawyers, teachers, doctors, guardian ad litem, you name it. The symptoms, or traits of a BPD are inconsistent within that person. They have symptoms that are contradictions of the other symptoms, so when you attempt to describe the behaviors to a professional they come back with the blank stares, confusion, etc. But for anyone who is living with a BPD, when you see the explanations and how the various mental disorders all fit together it makes a pattern. Again, it doesn’t make sense because the BPD is stark raving nuts, but it fits a pattern.
So what else is easier to handle with a NPD than a BPD? I would say that a major difference is that the NPD is all about them. So ultimately everything that they value is about them. Their behavior can be directed (they won’t change, but their behavior can) if it is in their best interest. If they see that the behavior will cost them the loss of something they will change the behavior. Not willingly probably, but they will alter behavior if there is no other option. A BPD won’t change behavior even if it is hurting them and everyone they “love”. Once they have a delusional world set up they will cling to it like life itself and will destroy anyone and anything that threatens to shatter that delusion. That’s the hardest part about getting any help for them or protection from them. No sane person believes you when you say what the BPD did. The behavior is often so self-destructive and overtly against their own interest that judges, therapists, doctors, etc. all refuse to believe it is happening no matter how much evidence you pile at their feet. Until she is pretty much standing with the dead children at her feet, the bloody ax in hand, the “professionals” don’t believe you when you tell them what is taking place.
It isn’t hopeless, but it’s a hell of a long road to save your kids from one. You won’t get it by compromise, by reason, by any legal means. You’ll save your kids only by being the most stubborn, determined parent that ever walked the face of the earth. It’s incredibly frustrating to have to be endlessly painted as refusing to compromise when you already have, but that’s the only way to make it end. Do a fair compromise on an issue, then refuse to let that be the new starting point. Remember that you are dealing with the worst 2 year old brat who ever lived, but they have the outward disguise of an adult and the ability to manipulate other adults endlessly. Get everything in writing, with witnesses and notaries, whatever. Never meet the BPD anywhere alone. Only in public. Never give them any feedback that they can then manipulate. Do all you can to keep your kids out, but someday when they are ready with luck and love maybe they will finally ask the questions that you so desperately need to answer to save them. Until they understand to ask though you probably can’t give them the answers.
Disclosure: I am not a mental health professional, don’t claim to be. I have been through the wringer with a BPD. Married once, divorced twice. Really. She made me go all the way through the divorce twice and the system treated me as the bad guy the whole time. In the end you can’t fix the BPD, you can’t live with them, you can’t trust them. You can’t protect your kids from them, but you can give them some safe zones. Protect those safe zones like your kids lives depend on them, because for sure their sanity and souls do. Get the books, get a GOOD therapist who believes you and takes your side in your mental health. Don’t settle for any therapist who refuses to believe that what you said happened really happened. Until the therapist grasps that the BPD is truly a lunatic you can’t move forward. In the end you can only provide your own sane world for your kids, move on to a new life and whenever possible win by having a good life going forward.
I was fortunate in that I only suffered four years and lost a few thousand in money.
It could have been much worse, if she hadn’t been in a relationship with her boss and living at his house where his wife previously killed herself….sometimes truth is crazier than fiction.
I’ve not heard a peep from them and praying it stays that way.
This is the most helpful bit of PJ Media I could have possibly come across. I’ve had to deal with both NPD and BPD types, mostly woman, but a few men as well, and it has almost literally destroyed me in the process. I have some sort of instinctive dislike of those kind of people, but never really understood what it was that I was reacting to, but now I understand. I’ve seen what they do to other people up close and personal: it’s very nasty–down right evil actually.
Many thanks for posting the link to the book, and I greatly appreciate all the comments people have left. It’s been very, very helpful and informative.
But sadly, my life is at the point of ruin right now, because I didn’t know what it was I was dealing with, or how to manage it. I so wish I had this information YEARS ago. Right now I’m dealing with so much damage and fallout from my lack of understanding, that at best I hope to live out what little life I have left without being completely homeless, which is where things are headed.
Dealing with these types is like dealing with the devil himself, only worse as you’re the one who ends up living in hell on earth, not them.
Do not identify.
Do not consider.
Do not tell lies.
Do not express negative emotions.