Bipartisan Consensus Achieved At Last
Early on in his recent book, The Tyranny of Cliches, Jonah Goldberg riffed on one of his pet peeves, the “vital” role that “centrist” undecided voters play in presidential elections — or at least how they’re invariably portrayed as such by talking heads of the MSM:
The self-appointed guardians of this notion that the center is also the high ground can mostly be found in the press corps, because it validates their own self-conception. They honestly believe they are neither left nor right, and so they value the politicians and voters who share this political ambivalence.
More critical, this nonsense survives because our politics are arranged so as to ensure it. When a country is evenly divided ideologically, it’s unavoidable that those who split the differences will get outsized power, because they are the ones who will ultimately decide elections. That’s why every general election that begins with “securing the base” ends with the presidential candidates begging for support from centrists, independents, moderates, and the folks who really put the asses in masses: the Undecideds. Every four years after each presidential debate we are forced to listen to interviews with undecided voters who not only can’t see major differences between the political candidates (which, by that point in the campaign, means they’ve not been paying attention), but who also think the reason we have presidential debates is to give tutorials on policy minutiae: “I didn’t hear enough about what they would do about education.” “I wanted more specifics about what [So-and-so] would do for someone like me.” Meanwhile, back in their election headquarters the anchors nod along as if this reaction is damning of the candidates’ performances.
After an eighteen-month campaignand ideologically consistent voters have already made up their minds. All that’s left are the undecided centrists, who actually think they have the more sophisticated and serious position; their indecision comes, actually, by virtue of the fact they’ve either not paid much attention until way too late in the game, or more simply, they’re a** holes who think they must be at the center of the universe.
Now, hold on, I mean that in a fairly literal way. Let me explain.
Jonah goes on to describe where the early Catholic Church portrayed the position of the earth in relationship to the universe. (No really.) Though dropping the a-word also brings to mind Time-Warner-CNN-HBO spokesman Bill Maher — whom for once, agrees with Jonah Goldberg, perhaps a first:
On his Friday “Real Time” HBO program, at the end of the“New Rules” segment, host Bill Maher took aim at undecided voters and lamented their importance in the upcoming presidential election.
“New rule —if you’re one of the 5 percent of American voters who are still undecided on who to vote for, it’s ok to admit you just don’t give a shit,” Maher said. “Really, if at this point you still can’t figure out who you like more, Mitt Romney or Barack Obama — stay home, because you probably couldn’t find your polling place anyway. I mean, what more information does someone need to make this choice? Obama has been president for nearly four years, and Mitt Romney has been running for president since 1971, when his space egg incubated, and he burst out of an astronaut’s chest.”
“And they’re really not that much alike. If you can’t tell this man, from this man, you’re not a swing voter. You’re a lesbian. It’s ok that there’s a tiny fraction of uncommitted voters in a few swing states who will decide this election, but can we all please stop treating them like they’re somehow more noble and discerning than the rest of us?”
I’m not sure why Maher’s impugning lesbians here, but perhaps it’s progress of a sort that his legendary misogyny has moved beyond its traditional heteronormative standards to encompass alternative lifestyles as well. Or perhaps given his status as million dollar Obama donor, it’s simply part and parcel of the administration’s now legendary War on Women.
Incidentally, if you’re wondering why the relentless cheerleading for Obama, the media blackout on poor economic and GWOT news, combined with endless assaults on Romney recently from the MSM, remember which voter demographic they’re currently carpet bombing — those remaining few undecided voters, whom not coincidentally, get the majority of their “news” from the TV at 6:00 and 11:00 PM.
The MSM chuckleheads like to play up this charade because they think it validates the “undecideds” (and the MSM’s) self-image of the pensive wise man who is somehow calmly rational and weighing all the options carefully instead of going off half-cocked like some Neanderthal yahoo. This, of course, is one of those TV jokes from the book of conventional wisdom. These people probably also take 3 hours to decide about their lunch order: “Let’s see, the chicken has less calories but the pasta is better for the environment… I wonder if chutney on the side would give me gas or increase my carbon footprint?” Yeah, dithering is not really wisdom but he’s the best they can get to play the part on TV.
Have you been behind that annoying guy, too?
“Whaddya want, bud?”
“We……..ll.”
“What?”
“Do you have Gorgonolion goat cheese?”
“No. Look. It’s a breakfast sandwich, and there’s 8 people behind you. Waddya want?”
“We….ll. I’d like a turkey breast, no fat, with nonfat swiss cheese, but don’t melt the cheese…I don’t like melted cheese…with a tiny bit of red pepper, no salt…on a toasted bagel, but cut the middle out of the bagel, because bagels are too thick…and toast the bagel…cut it in thirds…make it a pumpernickel bagel…”
“OK. Got it.”
Chef cooks sandwich. Throws it on the counter.
“I’d also like an egg white…no. Two egg whites…scrambled…on dry rye toast… mayonnaise, not too much…”
“What else do you want? There’s 12 guys behind you, now.”
“Well, I have ten sandwiches. But I have to call the office, because I forgot what some of them were…I’ll only be a minute…”
I’d like to say I made this up.
I’m sure he’s voting Obama.
I have two questions:
Who pays him.
And, for what?
Somehow, I think it’s we who pay him, and for?
NOT MUCH.
Diamond Joe Quimby described them as “fickle mush heads.” I think that’s a much more precise description than Undecideds.
Gee, some of us avoid both parties and their ideologues like the plague because they strike us, as Goldberg put it, as “a** holes who think they must be at the center of the universe.”
So.
You have no guiding principles or standards in your life? There are no actual standards? There is no truth? No lies? No beauty? No horror? It’s all a random construct?
Or perhaps you are unable to judge the fine difference between cream and excrement? You simply can’t decide whether to shit or go blind?
Gotcha.
I guess we put you down for Ostupidhead.
We’d rather not, but if the denizens of PJM can’t convince you, you cannot be saved.
Jay Leno interviews these “undecideds” on the streets of New York.
Invariably they are barely sentient, with the proto-brains of a cherrystone clam.
It’s amazing that such doofuses hold the fate of the republic in their iPod-filled hands.
(my perfunctory apologies to any cherrystone clams offended by my comment)
Or just maybe they are people who actually know something about the candidates, and aren’t crazy about either of them. I’ve been through enough presidential elections to wish that “none of the above” was on the ballot. Diamond Joe Quimby notwithstanding, some of us just don’t really like either candidate that much, and aren’t ideologically blinded morons who hate anyone who doesn’t drink their particular Kool-Aid.
Sorry for the nasty, but after the first two comments I don’t feel compelled to be civil.
And what, pray tell, is your evidence that people like you are “really” knowledgable, while the rest of us are dull tools?
Does the term Paul-bot strike a familiar note???
Why do you think everyone else is drinking the Kool-Aid, but you are so wise and discerning that you are not?
Why would anyone think there’s no difference between the candidates UNLESS of course your candidates were on the ticket?
C’mon, man: how about fleshing out some reasons as to why you think the sharp choice almost other Americans believe we are facing is just same-o same-o…………..
But tell you what….if you don’t vote, don’t bitch about the outcome.
alittlesense, you’re not an undecided centrist. You’re somebody who has decided not to vote for either of the two main candidates – if you’re honest, that is.
Which means you are irrelevant not only to this discussion, but to the election itself.
The undecideds should be totally irrelevant to this election. Amazingly, even after three and two-thirds years of the Obama presidency, approximately half of the likely voters want to re-elect him. I realize that the the mass(hole) media downplays, spins, and covers-up Obama’s many serious errors and foolish decisions, but enough information has gotten out such that no half-way intelligent person can believe that Obama is qualified to be President (or that Biden is qualified to be a bus boy in the White House cafeteria). This election should be a slam-dunk for anyone other than Obama, but too many stupid or gullible sheeple believe that Obama deserves four more years to “fix” the USA. Unfortunately, if re-elected, Obama will fix the USA the way a veterinarian fixes cats and dogs.
“whom get”? I don’t even care if that’s right. That just sounds ridiculous. I have long stopped using “whom,” and this sentence is just further proof that I made the right decision.
By keeping the race “neck-and-neck,” the liberal media creates some pressure for undecideds to at least pay attention to both sides – and watch the paid ads.
When it is a public blowout, the undecideds feel free to skip any work and responsibility for making a decision.
Further, if it were a true blowout, candidates wouldn’t spend so much money on media advertisements.