The ‘Bam Who Fell to Earth
“News Bulletin: Obama Isn’t Perfect,” Peter Wehner jokes at Commentary, quoting this passage from Obama on the campaign trail yesterday:
I’m not perfect and I’ll never be a perfect president but I told you that I’d always tell you what I thought, I’d always tell you what I believe and most importantly I told you I’d wake up every single day and fight as hard as I knew how for you. That I’d fight as hard as I knew how for all those folks who were doing the right thing out there. All those people who’ve kept the faith with this country and you know what? I’ve kept that promise. I have kept that promise. I believe in you. I hope you still believe in me.
That’s a far cry from the Lightworker quasi-religious rhetoric that The One sold himself with in late 2007 and early 2008:
I am going to try to be so persuasive in the 20 minutes or so that I speak that by the time this is over, a light will shine down from somewhere.
It will light upon you. You will experience an epiphany. And you will say to yourself, I have to vote for Barack. I have to do it.
As Wehner writes, “When an incumbent’s case for re-election rests in large part on the fact that he wakes up every single day fighting hard for the American people, he’s in trouble:”
It means the incumbent can’t make a compelling defense of his record or sketch out a compelling second-term agenda. And the promises he says he’s kept don’t have to do with improving the objective conditions of the nation; they have to do with a subjective claim of good intentions.
That is, until the alien invasion happens. And then, as with Axelrod before him, Obama will really go into Col. Jessup mode. You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want Obama fighting the UFO invasion — you need him manning those turbo-lasers.
Or at least that’s what USA Today says. Slow news day in anticipation of tomorrow, boys?
The survey was commissioned for National Geographic Channel’s series Chasing UFOs, premiering Friday at 9 p.m. ET.
About 79% of those surveyed think the government has kept information about UFOs a secret from the public, and 55% believe there are real-life Men in Black-style agents who threaten people who spot UFOs.
So what if they stopped by? The survey shows:
•22% would try to befriend the alien, 15% would run away, 13% would lock their doors, and only 2% would try to inflict bodily harm.
•If angry aliens did attack Earth, 21% would call the Hulk in to deal with it, 12% would call Batman, and 8% would call Spider-Man.
•Nearly 65% think Barack Obama would be better suited than Mitt Romney to handle an alien invasion.
You already know who I want to see fight off the alien invasion, right?
Somehow, I have the feeling if there were an alien invasion between now and Election Day, Obama would go on television and follow the Kent Brockman strategy.
especially if they would convert to islam.
I want Obama to defend us, at least initially, because as anyone who’s seen an Us vs. the Aliens movie knows, the first guy always gets obliterated by the alien death ray. Then the smart survivors come up with a clever way to whack the aliens.
When someone else has to make the argument that you’d be better equipped to fight off space aliens (as opposed to illegal aliens, which you’ve already demonstrated you aren’t good at fighting off), you’ve gone beyond desperation and are in parody land.
You also know an incumbent or candidate is in trouble or knows he will lose when he tells people to “Wake up!”
We already know how Obama would handle an alien invasion… Look at Arizona.
You already know who I want to see fight off the alien invasion, right?
Shucks … I thought you were going to vote for frickin’ sharks with frickin’ laser beams on their frickin’ heads.
I think a giant “laz-ar” on the moon, invented by the noted Cambridge physicist, Dr. Parsons is the best defense against an alien invasion. So therefore, it is fitting to call it: “The Alan Parsons Project.”