From the home office located deep within the caves of Tora Bora, Afghanistan, the Exurban League presents the “Top 10 ‘Suicide Underwear’ Brand Names”:
Apparently, the little elves in Al Qaeda’s workshop have introduced a new toy for the Christmas season.
The plot to blow up an American passenger jet over Detroit was organized and launched by al Qaeda leaders in Yemen who apparently sewed bomb materials into the suspect’s underwear before sending him on his mission, federal authorities tell ABC News.
Investigators say the suspect had more than 80 grams of PETN, a compound related to nitro-glycerin used by the military. The so-called shoe bomber, Richard Reid, had only about 50 grams kin his failed attempt in 2001 to blow up a U.S.-bound jet. Yesterday’s bomb failed because the detonator may have been too small or was not in “proper contact” with the explosive material, investigators told ABC News.
While applauding their initiative, I’m glad the new invention failed even harder than Windows Vista. But the marketer in me wonders how best to brand this disruptive new technology.
Top 10 “Suicide Underwear” Brand Names10. Fruit of the Boom9. Depends Underarmaments8. C4lvin Klein7. Akbar-bombie & Twitch6. Victoria’s Secret Weapon5. Thunder Armour4. Nitropyserin3. Joe Bomber2. Kabloomers1. Ignity Whities
We can kid around about this incident, but as Mark Steyn noted in 2007, all Islamofascist splodeydopes seem like nutty losers…until they pull it off:
Most terrorists seem like bumbling losers if they’re caught before the act: That’s certainly true of the Fort Dix jihadists who took their terrorist training DVD to the local audio store to be copied. It was also true of the Islamists arrested in Toronto last year for plotting to behead the prime minister, one of whose cell members had a bride who wanted him to sign a prenup committing him to jihad. The Heathrow plotters arrested while planning to blow up U.S.-bound airliners included a Muslim convert who’d started out as the son of a British Conservative Party official with a P. G. Wodehouse double-barreled name and a sister who was a Victoria’s Secret model and ex-wife of tennis champ Yanick Noah.
But then Mohammed Atta and the 9/11 gang would have seemed pretty funny if you’d run into them in that lap-dance club they went to before the big day where the girls remembered them only as very small tippers.
As Steyn added, “Most terrorists are jokes until the bomb goes off.”
So what happens next? Dan Riehl asks, “Is There An Aspirin Factory In Obama’s Future?”
Update: “Liberrocky”, a commenter on the Winds of Change blog, claims dibs on arriving at this meme first.
We can only assume he found it flying by the seat of his pants.
#11. Jock-i-hadis.
That is all…furious.
Actually, that isn’t all.
After having shaving cream and after-shave seized at the Airport Security checkpoint, I commented to my wife: “I can’t wait ’til the Jihadis invent an underwear or hair bomb. We’ll have to shave our heads and travel commando.”
Can’t wait for the wedgies from the TSA ladies…furious.
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And in an unrelated story, TSA is ordering 50 million procto exam gloves, 1 million tubes of KY Jelly, and is sending all personnel to cavity search school.
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I’m turning around and driving instead when I hear the first glove snap in a TSA line at the airport security checkpoint.
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Rocketman
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Rocketman: No kidding. “Assume the position.”
On a (more) serious note, how much you bet the govmint doesn’t learn the real lesson from this episode (if it holds up as semi-reported): empowering the “get out of your seats and deal with it” passengers. No doubt this was while the seat belt sign was on and was clearly against regulations …
Makes the phrase going”Boom Boom” both sinister and sickening..
Apparantly, he was wearin’ Camel Jockeys.