How to Live Like a King In a World Full of Princesses
I often watch men and notice that some of them seem to do well and thrive in a society that caters to women. I watched that show Princess a while back about women who are living off their parent’s money and who have a sharp sense of entitlement and it got me thinking about women and the society who think they are princesses in general. Here’s an example of a typical show:
Princess Laura is a fashion buyer who takes her career pretty seriously. So seriously, in fact, that she’s managed to spend close to $40,000 on clothing, footwear, and accessories in an effort to look professional at work – all while neglecting to pay for basics like her mortgage, groceries, or car payment. Boyfriend John is sick of being stuck with the bills and frustrated by Laura’s flippant attitude.
This show is sort of a metaphor for how many women in our society see themselves and their needs–as more important than other people’s, particularly men. And who can blame them? Women are told that their needs top everyone else’s. They use the majority of health care in this country and then proclaim there is a war on women’s health, they get the majority of alimony and then become upset if they have to pay a man anything, and are told they are discriminated against in education when it is actually the men and boys who are.
So some men seem to thrive in this world despite the tilt towards privilege and the accompanying hand-wringing for women’s needs. They ride around in their truck, fish, find places to relax and make a good living, despite the odds against them. In short, they look happy and as if life is still good.
So my question to readers is, “How do you live like a king in a world full of princesses?” Please share your tips, wisdom and ideas on how to live well, despite the obstacles.
Also read:
Well, I’m looking at it from the distaff side, but the werehusband prioritizes a partner who is less a princess than, say, the boatswain of a Royal Navy pirate-chaser, or an Amazon cavalry commandress. If I dare say so myself. Surely the great and mighty Instapundit has the second coming of General George S. Patton at home…
maybe if the princess is fond of her subjects it makes a difference too.
1. I have skills that are rare and in demand, so people will pay pretty well for them (and those people are up a creek without a paddle if I don’t help them).
2. Since the late 1980s, I have dated only women born and raised in foreign countries.
3. I’m self-employed, so I don’t have to deal with an employer’s “human resources” people, or, as I prefer to think of them, the political correctness police.
4. I’m self-reliant. I know how to cook, clean, wash clothes, iron, and sew; in addition; I possess the more traditionally male skills like maintaining and repairing an automobile, painting things, doing basic plumbing, and sharpening knives and other tools.
5. I’m about as introverted as it’s possible for a human being to be, so it’s not a problem for me if other people don’t like me.
Ern, I feel as if I’m very introverted as well but I recognize that it has only hindered me as I don’t have any real contacts or network to speak of. Of course what I may be experiencing is profound shyness…either way, would you mind dropping me an email? I’d love to chat with you about how you’ve used your introversion as a strength.
Thanks,
Ryan
rretco00@gmail.com
1.I married a foreign woman.
2.I have managed to build a life that avoids American women.
3.When I do encounter the privileged ones, my frame allows me to remain masculine.
I think the marrying a foreign woman thing is huge. Folks in my age bracket (35-44) were absolutely crushed by the Great Recession/”Recovery,” losing close to 60% of net worth in the years 2008-2010. The exception, at least in my little circle, has been guys who married gals from East Asia (particularly China.) The numbers bear that out, I believe we are the highest household income group in the States, except for folks from India (who are first-generation immigrants either employed as doctors, programmers, engineers or else, not stereotyping, franchisees of hotels.)
Now my own little circle is a bit skewed, as we’re in the DC area, so we still haven’t taken the hit the rest of the country has, but if you follow advertising, you’ll notice a number of folks (Ikea, Toyota, Lowe’s most-recently though she has a Western hairstyle), specifically targeting us with Asian wife/Caucasian husband ads. Even if the house has declined in value, you’ll find that we still have things like credit ratings, savings, disposable income, marketable skills, and of course marrying an Asian woman, you weren’t doing a NINJA loan to begin with, so can survive the downturn.
It’s not even surprising anymore how many college-educated, professional men will not date American-born women. Asian woman of course have their own reasons for wanting Western men. I suppose Tyler Cowen would call that substitute goods.
/And of course, men who are 35-44 probably went to college when VAWA was passed and Take Back the Night was queen on every campus.
Having returned from a stint in Asia for the past 4 years, being in the 35-45 age and professional bracket, and having about half the guys I know both in Asia and in the US married to Asia woman, I call bull.
By far the most entitled women I know are Asian women who married western men thinking it means they can live the high life forever. One of my friends wife just bragged on FB last week that she broke he husbands platium card. And thats just the beginning.
There are many US women who are happy to live a frugal life with you and save for an early retirement. Plently. Just skip the US brats (it cuts out about 50% of your options) and you’ll do fine.
T.M.
Um, no **I** call bull. I have LIVED in Asian countries, and am married to an Asian wife. VERY VERY few of them have a princess complex, and in most Asian families it is the WIFE who runs the finances. And she is the guardian of the “nest egg” and the final word on purchases – but as that is so she is also held responsible for the families economic health.
So – while you have an anecdote, which I truly believe btw, it’s a false perception that what you saw was anywhere close to the norm.
One form of Western delusion that Western / American women often indulge in is asking the question about men (or Asians) and then getting a reply from their friends or Cosmo or Lifetime (etc).
Your friends are very much NOT likely to tell you that both you and they have some serious issues to overcome (lest they be called a hippocrite), Cosmo is selling you something and no one want to buy stuff from a nag, and Lifetime is often called “The Victim Channel” in impolite company.
Your anecdote notwithstanding – sincerely and with respect:
a) You’re wrong
b) LISTEN to what MEN are saying about why THEY are marrying foreign brides – not to outlets (friends, magazines, PC culture) that are telling you what you want to hear.
Again – with respect – you may learn the answer, even if you don’t like it.
Steven
Weak men will be dominated by women from any culture. Weak men who have trouble with women gravitate toward Asian women who need green cards, support, etc. If you find an Asian woman who is relatively self-sufficient, and you aren’t a pussy, you will find a devoted spouse. Otherwise, you’re doomed to live a life as a servant anyway.
Like anything else; it depends.
While a lot of times it is a mistake to pigenhole individuals into groups Asian women can be. To an extent. Kind of.
My mother was South Korean. Very frugal and worked very hard at her daytime job and earned quite a bit of money entirely on her own. We had a very large kitchen garden (1+ acre), bought meat in bulk (200+ lbs at a time) and scrimped pretty much everywhere it was possible. To her money in the bank was good. And if a penny that left her hand didn’t scream in horror then it wasn’t being pinched hard enough. As for the perennial issue; education, she demanded that I read a certain number of books every month. Warm weather months it would be around 15/month. Cold weather and it went up to 30/month. Dictionaries and encyclopedias were her favorite for this.
But this all depends on the woman, the country and culture she comes from, the *family* she was raised in and a host of other things. I’ve met plenty of Asian women who were very much like my mother. I’ve met plenty that really didn’t care about anything except fashions, shoes and how much money she could spend right now.
Just as an aside to those who haven’t lived with Asian born women. Yeah that whole “do everything for you” schtick. You have to keep in mind that it is a schtick. Asian women are, by and large, serious control freaks. Things get done, when they want them done and how they want them done. And if you don’t do it the word “nagging” doesn’t even come close. Sure she’ll cook really great meals for you; but you eat what she decides you’ll eat. And if you decide on your own to eat something she disapproves of; heh. And sure she has no issue in cleaning the house or doing the laundry. But if she doesn’t like that shirt; you’ll never see it again in this lifetime.
heh.
Let me guess … you’ve lived on a military base in a foreign country, not really in the foreign country. Beene.
Yes, I am in the military.
Yes I have lived on Bases. That does not discount my opinion.
I have also been in other countries as a civilian.
Is it my assertion you disagree with, or do you just feel the need to dismiss what I say because it does not fit into your world view?
Steven
T.G.
Ya know – I’m blond, and it took me a good 24 hours+ to catch the nod a familiarity you tossed out at the end of your post. Considering that I’ve posted maybe on a dozen articles here in about 3 years … wow, good insight.
But, I further wanted to comment to what you said, because I have a better one now.
Yes, I’m in the military, and yes, that does mean that sometimes when I am overseas I see a country from behind a wall, and at the worst of times.
However, comma
That does not preclude that I might have knowledge or even insight on other countries. Since I make the assertion, the onus is on me to provide the “proof” of my bona fides.
When in High School I hung out with the jocks, partied with the rockers, and studied with the nerds (yea, that included me) – who often hosted students from other countries. Unlike about 90% of other students I gained insight early.
When I was in college I joined the “International Club” – and enjoyed friendships and spent time with people from around the world.
Later I worked at Disney World as part of the Walt Disney World College Program (WDWCP – a program I heartily encourage anyone going to college, regardless of age, to look into), where I lived in an apartment complex with people from about 15 different nations – we Amercians were almost a minority.
And along the way many such other stories exist.
I have visted and spent time in Japan and Indonesia and have, briefly visited Europe.
Now, while I cannot claim to be an expert in all things, and certainly not in all thing female, or in all thing female from around the world – I do not have a provincial or solely American point of view.
Your comment T.G., while valid on its’ face, was incomplete without me adding my experiences that shape my view. I hope that clears it up.
Again – that referece to my I.D. flew over my head – but did make me to a double take this morning. Nice move.
Steven
Asian women are definitely princesses. Many however are more the Deja Thoris type of princess than the Lady DI kind of princess. And that makes all the difference.
My experiences, while anecdotal, fit in with enough others’ experiences for me to call bullshit on your claim that “There are many US women who are happy to live a frugal life”. Even in church, the available women expect to be put on a pedestal and be bought whatever catches their eye.
I have met a few women who have a realistic idea of what makes for a good marriage. Most were married by their mid-20s, and still are. Fewer are older, divorced, and realized what they did wrong. But most available women over 25 have struck me as having drastically over-inflated opinions of themselves, and the kind of guy they rate, and extremely unrealistic ideas of what a husband has to offer in a marriage. The simple summary of that would be “he sacrifices everything, and she sacrifices nothing”.
This is why I rarely date women that grew up in the US anymore.
I am a lawyer in Vancouver and married to a Shanghai women (a professional accountant). She is a very strong and self-disciplined and is anything but a princess type. She likes to shop but uses her own money.
I married who actually grew beyond being a princess (not that she ever exhibited and entitled attitude that I know of). I respect and revere her like a queen. She in turns respects and reveres me like a king.
Lucky man. Most guys I know of that treat their women like queens lose the respect of those women and end up getting treated like shit in return.
King Solomon had it right, “A worthy wife is more precious than rubies.” Of course, an unworthy wife will bring ruin upon her entire family, for she is neither reverent nor faithful.
jp means jewish princess…are you ready…you can’t handle it…this is why american women can take care of themselves, even children if necessary, and would honor a real man…real man…are there any left?
Women can’t take care of themselves. They steal from men and from the government(which mostly taxes men.) Without men, women would be living in tents. And you, the typical woman, are showing how women know nothing about love. Handle you? Love is not supposed to be a cage match.
I make a modest income that allows me to live comfortably, save up, and buy a small but nice house AFTER prices fell. I did this by GIVING UP all thought of marrying an American Princess. I live alone. I can’t afford a spoiled, entitled, wife.
–Alan
That isn’t living!
I’m an engineer, working with other engineers – so my world has little intersection with the pampered world of the humanities in which princesses are indulged. The women whom I work with, also engineers, are accustomed to operating in a meritocracy based on results – they’re there because they’re good, not because the playing field has been gender-normed. (Funny thing about integrated circuits and software modules – they don’t give a tinker’s damn about the gender/race/etc. of who builds or uses them; they work the same either way.)
And I married an engineer. She doesn’t have much truck with the affectations of princess-hood; instead, she’s the practical one of the two of us.
Marry a gal from THE country, rural that is. She is Ruth personified, right down to bringing home the bacon and putting it in the pan.
Ever notice that Kings don’t bow to Princesses?
If you want to be in charge of your life, BE IN CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE. Don’t bow to others or let them take advantage of you. If a girl (who isn’t a house wife raising your children) leaves you paying the bills, kick her out. If you can’t handle women’s mood swings with equanimity, better not to engage and go your own way. Either way, just make your own rules based on what you want and can get out of life, and then live by them.
I thought you answered the question yourself rather well: 1. Fish & Hunt 2. Ride in Truck 3. Go hunting and camping, places to relax. Lastly, marry a real women who is not afraid to be a mom and run a household.
1)Be competent at what you do
2)Women are less likely to take jobs that require actual “doing.” This can be anything from farming to computer repair. Do one of those
3)Do something that can’t be outsourced very easily
4)Work in a field that doesn’t require much higher education but still requires intelligence
5)Work for yourself
And other ways to live like a King:
Pick the right woman to marry. There are some great ones out there. You don’t have to settle for the ones that treat you like crap.
Never pay for a woman, or any healthy capable person, to have a free ride.
Be stubborn and don’t rush into relationships
1) I’ve never married
2) I’ve lived abroad a great deal and enjoyed dating foreign women, especially Pacific Islanders
3) I’ve never wanted children
4) I don’t need to build a nest or impress anyone with stuff
5) I don’t give a darn about what anyone else thinks.
Yes, I’m a spoiled, narcissistic SOB.
It’s great to be male, independent and handsome. (I would like to be rich, too, but the other three are more important.)
I hope for everyone’s sake you’re not having sex. Save some marriageable women for the rest of us.
I am an engineer and I married a non-American, so I only hear about this sense of entitlement through friends or on blogs. Interesting side note: I lived in a former Soviet Republic for a number of years and never once heard a woman say anything to the effect of “my needs aren’t being met”.
To continue a theme, apparently: I married a foreign woman. Asian.
Now I know what that may sound like–some ignorant, shrinking violet, the-man-is-always-right mailorder bride from a patriarchal culture, but that’s far from the truth. She’s a strong, capable, ambitious, graduate-educated foreign woman, the mother of my baby daughter who works full time and splits the chores with me.
I haven’t found an easier way to avoid the entitled princess types.
I’ve given some thought to why this may be, and the answer seems to be simple lack of exposure. Even my good male friends’ girlfriends, while not at all princess types, have grown up in that culture–and even when they mock it, the thing is that they still understand it. It’s a part of them regardless of how they treat it.
The refreshing thing about my foreign-raised wife is that she doesn’t even understand the cultural reference points. Princesses look not just silly to her, but contemptible. Thank God.
That’s a very interesting question. I’ll answer in three parts…
First, I was married, to a woman who was as non-Princess as you can imagine. She was a military officer, worked her own way through school, and her single hot-button topic in life was self-reliance (or lack thereof). Sadly, she died a couple of years ago.
Second part: About a year after my late wife’s death I began to consider the possibility of finding another partner. (Another indicator of my late wife’s non-Princess character was her very sharp admonition to me, as she was dying, that I had better be prepared move on with my life without her.) My main concern is to get it right… I am conscious of having had what I consider to be the perfect marriage and I would like to at least not screw it up this time around. I am dating someone now who, by all standards, should meet that bill: smart, good looking, well educated, and self-reliant. But the relationship seems lacking somehow… I’ve been giving it a lot of thought. I think it may be an introversion-extroversion gap… my late wife and I were both INTJs… my girlfriend hasn’t taken the Meyers-Briggs test, but she is definitely an “E.” We have good times together, but after about three days (typical long weekend) I am definitely ready for some time by myself.
So that brings me to the third part, which is your question: I live like a “King” by drawing boundaries. In the case of my late wife, we both had them, and we never had to discuss it… we understood each other perfectly. We could sit quietly in the living room for half a day, reading or surfing the internet, and not say a word… and yet feel that we were in perfect communication the whole time, because we understood the boundaries… we could have time by ourselves to spend on our unique interests without having to be physically separate. In my current relationship I feel my boundaries are encroached upon as my girlfriend is very active and wants to be involved with me in everything (flattering, but tiring). I draw boundaries by simply saying “no,” when it’s important to do so, and by deciding (in advance in some cases) how far I am willing to go with togetherness or sharing.
I confess I am interested in where you are going with this, Dr. Helen… is this a research project? Is there a paper involved? If so I would be interested to see the results, if not I would be similarly interested to see your informal thoughts on this.
ESTJ here. It’s because you and your wife grew up together and you can never replace that. you will never be able to go through the same drills with anyone else. That is done. Next woman, next life. You will have to figure it all out over again, but then you already did that once when the world was new. Carry out her orders but don’t try to replicate the first time. Not that I have it all figured out.
I’d recommend that all single men obtain one indispensable item is a metaphorical pair of steel-toed boots. When “Princess” shows up, your feet, your boots, her butt, the curb. Some assembly is required.
The more abstract version is this question: does any given person add to your enjoyment of life, or do they detract? place them in the balance, and some will be found to be…lacking.
Ern’s list is a practical primer. One can’t stress point 4 enough. If I had an old, not-all-computerized car I could do basic shade tree mechanics stuff. But I don’t…
My mate also disdains princesshood, though she is not without womanly wiles. Between that and being self-employed in which my expertise is expensive and allows me to be in command when I contract with clients, I do not have to interact with princesses much. I am forever thankful I do not have to interact with princesses except as a subject-matter expert where gender bears little currency.
Recently, I was in South Beach (FL) where many wealthy princesses come to shine while they dine. The scenery was stunning, but so skin-deep: the values that drive that sort of fashion-phoniness reveals a soulless core. The juxtapositon of great beauty with entitled emptiness made me feel like I was on another planet of wretched irony.
Simple.
1. Treat them like equals. Don’t go out of your way for them (no white knights) and tell them when they want something from a man to do it themselves. It’s the feminist way, after all. This shouldn’t extend to common courtesies or promote boorish behavior, though.
2. Don’t hire women, especially those who majored in liberal arts. They’re among the most self-important and the most difficult to deal with.
3. Call them on each and every instance of bad behavior, even the petty ones. It’s a reverse s-test and can be very effective in either changing their behavior or getting them out of our lives. That’s a win-win for us and a message for women who are ambivalent on this tactic: behave badly and you’ll be punished.
4. Throw marriage/divorce statistics in their faces at every opportunity. Point out that children of single-parent homes are life’s losers. Do this while saying you’d like a life partner with whom to build something neither would have without the other.
I ignore the princesses. Other than that, I’m like Ern’s #4 and #5. There is a limitless pit of men who have a need to chase princesses and to seek their approval. A mommie complex?
Hmmpf! How many times have I heard those Famous Last Words?
Don’t get cocky, kid.
Fairy Tale from a Man’s Perspective
Once upon a time , a Prince asked a beautiful Princess , “Will you marry me?”
The Princess said , “No!!!”
And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and banged skinny long-legged big-breasted broads and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and banged cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and ate Spam and potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was frickin’ cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.
The end.
That boy needs to grow up and be a man. Men don’t “bang big-breasted broads [note the plural],” men get married and become fathers, or else live without sex. Boys play around like that, and it’s not cool in the first place, but it stops being taken seriously when you turn 30.
I have to disagree with you, myth buster, with all due respect. Men CAN get married and have fathers, but that size doesn’t fit all!! And why should men “live without sex”?? Says who? Maybe those big breasted hotties WANT to be “banged” (not a term I would normally use!).
I am 58 and I have NO intention of ever getting married and as a matter of fact, have given up on even the thought of a relationship (I have no interest in fulfilling someone else’s NEED). But, when I want to have sex, I go out and I have sex….and I enjoy it…and I make sure that the person I am with enjoys it to!!! And then I come home and I cook what I want to eat and listen to the music I want to hear and go to bed when I want to sleep. Simple & sublime.
…and I meant to say “Men CAN get married and BE fathers”…sorry, that dang “proofer”.
Do not date American women. The Latina and Asian women I have dated make me feel like a king.
My experience with Latin is all drama. I’m sure there are exceptions. On the other hand I actually married a hot geek. Find them while they last!
Coincidentally, I was listening to my daughter’s playlist on itunes, and there were a couple of songs that seem to encourage this kind of princess behavior. Kelly Clarkson’s “My Life Would Suck Without You” — especially the video — seems to look approvingly on the type of behavior (they throw each others clothes out the window, drive recklessly, fight all the time).
Unlike the other respondents, I married an American woman (18 years) and we rub along well. She’s a great partner, and well-organizer, and when I’m feeling put-upon, I tell her and we deal with it. We treat each other well, look out for each other, and talk a lot. We fit well together.
I think the secret to living like a king in the world of princesses is to not concern oneself with seeking the approval of those princesses. If a man is dating and the princess gets upset about going fishing go fishing. If the princess accepts your offer for another date the ground rules have been established. If she declines the future drama has been avoided.
It is more typically a female response to ignore the situation and try to change their mate. It doesn’t work well, mostly.
Dating men are frequently blunt that they date for fun and want to avoid marriage. And many women drive themselves crazy ignoring each time their beau tells them this. Then complain 8 years later that “he just won’t ask me to marry.”
Denial is rarely a successful life strategy
Wow, I’m heartsick over the first male replies being, “I married a foreign woman.” I’m a smart, degreed, proudly born US patriot. I pay my own bills and don’t expect anyone to support me. I love men and respect that they aren’t just “hairy women who are misbehaving”. I hate that what people see on TV or read in the media makes them think that’s how people really are. (i.e., that the majority of American women are Princesses). I humbly offer you myself and my group of friends — motivated, lovely, fun, grounded women. We’re strong and adventuresome without being Women’s Libbers. We volunteer, take care of ourselves, look nice and operate out of a culture of respect to ALL people (yes, including men). We’re outgoing and even the “princess” among us isn’t afraid to roll up her sleeves and put on her elbow grease when needed. Out of our original group of 12, 5 of us are still unmarried. Astounding. All but one of the married ladies are on husband #1. I submit that those who avoid US women, would perhaps, consider engaging in a different variety of them. There are those of us who haven’t been brainwashed by Gloria Steinem, et al.
Leilani, how old are you, and where do you live?
I’d love you to meet my oldest son
He’s 31, makes his living repairing/maintaining oil rigs in the Gulf of Mexico, and is better read than most college grads.
Leilani,
Would you mind if your husband smoked a cigar (first one in years) with your brother-in-law on his back porch after a nice evening spent with family or would you rather make a big scene in front of everyone and demand that he not smoke the cigar? Princesses feel free to embrace the former; I (now) hope to embrace the later. I pray you’re right in saying there are women out there who seek a more equal and level-headed relationship.
Leilani,
You sound like a complete package and a sweetheart. Don’t give up hope and don’t take what is being said here as a criticism.
I married a foreign women because, while there are a TON of good women in the U.S., it’s like playing Russian Roulette with your life marrying one.
And, please consider from a male point of view: Even if a gal is a bundle of WONDERFUL when we marry you – all it takes is having a kid, and her hanging around with bitter feminist anger junkies and in a few years she can jetison my a$$ to the curb with the feminist court’s blessings.
And it happens all the time.
A simple checklist to prevent this (both for the guy and for you)
1) Does she hang out with bitter feminist anger junkies and regularly enjoy “good honest harmless” man-bashing. If you do – RUN AWAY from those “friends” – and if my woman does – demand, do not ask, that she stop hanging around women like that. Imagine if I were black, and my wife was white and hang out with anti-black bigots : would that end well? it’s not “different”.
2) If she knows of a friend who is divorcing, does she help in the plotting, planning, scheming, and character assassination “because, of course HE’s the jerk / at fault.” If you have a friend who tries to rope you into that – ditch her. If I see a guy with a gal like that – I tell him to leave skid marks in the driveway on the way out. She will do the same to you eventually – and with that same friends help.
3) Is she always the “innocent victim” in any / every dispute? Unable / unwilling to swallow her pride and / or her female need for vengence? Does she hold a grudge for weeks, months, and / or years – but if you asked her to tell you what evil she has done, and what she has done to repair it she gives you an annoyed or blank look (or says “whose side are you on!?”) – run away fast. If you have friends like that Leilani – stop being friends with them. They won’t change. For them to change would require them to be “fair”. And for them FAIR is “unfair”. Those kinds of people adjust the goal posts, have double standards, are vicious and thoroughly self-delusional in their self-justification as to their cruelty.
4) Do your friends idea of equality end when it’s not convenient – or even when it means that they will lose (a job, a fight, something they want) and then pat themselves on the back at how clever they are? DITCH that friend. They are entitled and use the word equality to shame men into getting what they want, and their “special feelings because …. it’s me” schtick to get everything else. It cannot end well if someone dates them.
I am NOT saying this is you – please do not misunderstand. I am saying that you probably are as nice as you present yourself, but I am saying that if you have friends with these characteristics then you will not “change them”, and “it won’t affect me” isn’t a truism. If you hang out with car theives, in short order you’ll think stealing cars is an honorable profession.
Give it some thought.
Steven
Dude you called exactly what I was thinking.
Yes, even if she starts out great, she can have, or gain, friends who do all they can to destroy the marraige.
My ex’s best friend was a hetro man hater, and a sadder mess you never saw. She’d been a lot happier as a les. Friends of theirs would get divorced and she’d go into rants about how horrible men were and how the woman was caught in a trap, getting the worst of it, no matter what. Well, like I said, the ex turned into an ex (and died from AIDS, caught from the man she ran off with).
A do over, “if I knew then what I know now”? Filipina. No white women. The ones that stay good partners are just too rare to find, and too hard to tell from the rest.
I wholeheartedly agree, and yes, I’m a happily married woman.
I have never had all that many female friends, because too many women fall into the categories you described.
My husband says: “Marry a Serbian wife.”
That includes Serbian-Americans such as myself who are churchgoing Orthodox Christians.
Sorry, but I’ve heard enough girls say exactly that sort of thing about themselves and turn out to be the worst sort of princesses. For all I know, you’re telling the truth – don’t take it personally if I can’t buy the word of someone online, any more than I would expect someone to buy mine (so I’m not posting my e-stats). Even dated a few girls who were so awesome at first, only to have them change later.
Truth is, most people (male or female) want to think of themselves as “better than THOSE bad people.” It makes it tough to tell when you’re just as bad. I’ve done it, you’ve done it, we all do it. I’d come out with a net positive if I took a bet against every girl who claimed not to be a princess. But then, I’ve never dated a foreign girl.
As for the original question, living like a king? I’m an unmarried engineer with no debt, and I live in a city with a disproportionate number of single women around my own age. I stay busy and in shape with weightlifting, rock climbing, and swing dancing. And my married friends’ wives are always setting me up with dates. In short, I owe nothing to anyone, including to any woman, and I live in circumstances where I don’t have to choose between a princess and being alone. If I find the right girl, I’ll take the risk and marry her (no one ever accused me of possessing an overabundance of common sense), but for now I’m trying to enjoy the process of sorting through the wrong girls.
@Leilani
There is a saying that “actions speak louder than words”. All these things that you claim about yourself are better conveyed through action than words. The very fact that you have to shout so loudly about it shows that the impression people have got through actions is so deep that you have to shout so loudly against it. And if you really want the men to look for your group, maybe you can make yourself visible by doing work like Dr Helen(ie) speaking up for men in public. That action will convey a lot more than all these words of yours. It is not the job of the men to hunt out the few good women. Rather, the women can prove that they are good and then the end result would be that you would end up with good men.
Leilani – see my response to VapidAmericanEgomaniac.
Steven said it all in a nutshell – “I married a foreign women because, while there are a TON of good women in the U.S., it’s like playing Russian Roulette with your life marrying one.” Gawain’s Ghost’s comments are even more…blunt..
I married an American woman who has enriched my life more than words can express – but as we’re both in our 50s, she comes from a very different mindset than today’s 20- and 30-somethings. She earned an engineering degree at Georgia Tech when this was a Big Deal; she earned her place at the table with no thought of it being given to her. The sort of women who go to Tech are of that mindset, which, interestingly, makes them high quality spouse material. (Never mind that if you’re looking for the proverbial MRS degree, there are a hell of a lot easier ways to go about it than Georgia Tech.)
All that said, the thing that truly distinguishes her from her younger sisters is character. Under current law, she is empowered to literally destroy my life – just ask GG. Those weapons, against which a man has essentially no defense, didn’t exist back then – and the underlying integrity of the woman I married has stayed her hand from even considering pointing them at me now. But I’m one of the lucky ones.
If I were a 20-something today, I would have no choice but to regard a modern American woman as a loaded weapon, with the safety off. The cost for making a bad choice can be catastrophic. Unless and until that changes, guys can’t afford to treat you as anything but a grenade with the pin pulled. Meanwhile, about all you can do is make it as plain as you can that you don’t associate with princesses. And don’t put guys in the friend zone if they aren’t Olympic athletes with trust funds. As one of the other commenters noted, actions speak much louder than words, and guys are all too familiar with the behavior of princesses.
I’m with you, it’s totally depressing that these guys actually think there are NO American women worth dating that are older than 25. Whatever, their loss. I have quite a few gal friends who, like me, have advanced degrees and are unmarried because they/we chose to pursue our education and career and didn’t want to drag a man through it with us. Now we’re out of school and have great jobs, pay our bills, and don’t expect anyone to take care of us. If what I’m reading here is what the men I meet are thinking, then I’m just as glad I haven’t really felt huge sparks with any of them!
Jennifer – Thanks for so succinctly demonstrating several of the commenters’ points. It has been wisely said that women (as a general rule) aren’t interested in what men have to say; you would seem to illustrate that point also. Did you bother to actually read what the commenters said, especially the very eloquent Steven here (http://pjmedia.com/drhelen/2012/06/29/how-to-live-like-a-king-in-a-world-full-of-princesses/#comment-78596), here (http://pjmedia.com/drhelen/2012/06/29/how-to-live-like-a-king-in-a-world-full-of-princesses/?replytocom=78740#respond), and here (http://pjmedia.com/drhelen/2012/06/29/how-to-live-like-a-king-in-a-world-full-of-princesses/?replytocom=79206#respond)? Or is it easier on the psyche to simply toss aside these thoughtfully crafted comments with a dismissive “whatever – their loss?” Obviously we guys have nothing of value to say; if we don’t tell you what you want to hear, there’s something wrong with _us_. How’s that working out for you?
It’s not that there are no American women worth dating under the age of 25; many of the posters here have said exactly the opposite. It’s the probability of finding those women among all the princesses that’s the problem. I had the great good fortune to bump into a truly exceptional woman, and she’s been my wife for nearly 32 years; it’s been my further good fortune to number several truly exceptional women as professional colleagues. But as I said in an earlier post:
“If (God forbid) something were to happen to the Cute Girl and I were on the dating market again, I would despair of finding [a quality woman] – because there are simply far, far too many of the other sort. Which, of course, yet further incentivizes me to treat the Cute Girl like the rarest of diamonds that she is.
Does that help much? Probably not – other than to suggest you make sure you avoid the princesses in your personal cohort of friends, and make it very clear to any guys you might be interested in that you steer clear of such people. Treat men with respect and they’ll gladly lay down their lives for you. But understand many of them will be gun-shy; they’ve seen your colleagues in action.”
Further, the highly unfavorable business case associated with American women have prompted many of the commenters here to look elsewhere – with, as you can see, often highly favorable results based on the availability of_superior alternatives_. This is “[our loss]” exactly how? And rather than not choosing to “drag a man through our educations and careers,” the Cute Girl and I spent our college years learning deeply about each other and learning how to work together in a very demanding environment (Georgia Tech); we waited until after she graduated school and I finished flight school (I was a year ahead of her, which made that work out nicely) before we married. During this process we learned very useful skills and disciplines that have helped build the foundation of the aforementioned nearly 32 years of marriage.
So you’re faced with a question: do you demonstrate what is in my profession called active listening and seek to understand what we guys are telling you – and do something about it – or are you content to simply dismiss that information with “whatever – their loss?”
Choose wisely.
I followed the advice from the women in my life growing up, my mom and sisters. My sisters taught me the “art” of being a gentleman which even “back in the day” was dying out. My mom told me the three criteria for finding a wife: 1) make sure she’s intelligent (can’t work with stupid and you only have a 50/50 chance of having smart kids), 2) don’t rely on looks alone (it’s the first thing to go – unless you’re lucky), and 3) make sure you get along with her parents (you’ll see what values were taught). My father passed away in my early teens, but I saw how he treated my mom and sisters and copied it. My mom suffered two husband dying and was tough in a day when women were discriminated against.
I met and married a woman who fit mom’s criteria and who could put up with my teasing. My father-in-law was my second dad and my mother-in-law is great. My wife got along with my family exceptionally well. We have three daughters, who are feminine but can talk about sports, are outdoors types, and married manly, professional men.
My advice is to marry strong and resilient women. If she whines, stop dating her. If she can’t argue constructively and compromise with you, then married life will be hell. What does it say about you as a man if you marry beneath yourself? I won’t comment on my wife’s position, she married for looks, lol.
Is the princess problem really that bad? Maybe I am just lucky. I live in larger rural area (three neighboring town w/ total pop ~90K). I just don’t see it. I have also lived in Seattle for five years. From my observations the princesses exist but are easily avoidable and readily mocked. There are plenty of girls, yes American girls, that are just fine. Sure they might be confused a little but some sincere conversations will reveal a lot.
And is being a king really the goal? OK for you if it is but for me I find fulfillment in being a servant to others. Being a willing servant is not the same as being a slave. Anyone who thinks they have a claim on my time will be sorely disappointed but I try to offer it freely, even if it cuts into my fishing time.
You need to lead in the relationship. If a girl is basically okay, you can do well with her, but you have to lead her to excellence. Women aren’t men, expecting them to act like men is a fool’s errand. You can expect most women to be basically pretty good, but if you want excellence you need to exercise leadership in the relationship – the same way you will perform better for a really excellent woman, because she’s worth it. Make yourself worth it.
The princess problem, as far as I can tell, is not a substantial one in the small town in Iowa where I live now. It was a huge problem in Silicon Valley, where I lived for thirty-four of the years from 1972 to 2010.
I’m not trying to be crude, but there’s a reason chivalry is dying among younger men.
Man rule number one: Don’t put up with anything that is high-maintenance unless it is also high-performance. This is true for most anything, be it cars, airplanes, or even female companionship.
Everything should be subject to a cost-benefit analysis; If what you get out of a hobby, possession, or a relationship is not worth what you put into it, kick it to the curb, stat.
My wife left 26 years ago and I raised my two sons. One is an Electrical Engineer, the other a Certified Jeweler and has a degree in Corrosion Control.
I have always wanted to marry again but have been pretty busy with my full time job, 5 rent houses, and Many Old Cars, Trucks, Tractors and Antique Motorcycles. I also have about 75 acres in the country and am building there. I really dont know how to find a wife but have some concerns about American women. The guy on the radio today said that 75 percent on women are taking medicine for mental issues. He said that means 25 percent are not taking their meds.
Then I hope he’s never been married, because I can only imagine how he treats his wife.
Men need to remember that being the nasty, belittling shrew doesn’t work any better for them than for women.
Knew a couple like this, live-ins for several years- she was brilliant, two Masters degrees in useful courses of study, and attractive. Her SO was of average appearance, intelligent but only finished high school and worked at a chain department store. He took his resentment out on her continually. Nothing she did was good enough, ever, and he would happily treat her this way if front of anyone. She finally had enough, found a guy who respects her, and they’re both very happy.
If you don’t respect each other, it doesn’t matter how good the sex (or social situation or whatever your motivator might be) is. You owe it to yourself not to tie yourself to someone you can’t respect.
And just in case someone misses it, by choice or otherwise, I meant the obnoxious radio host. Sounds like bgarrett’s doing pretty well in life, and ditto his kids.
If you live in a big city, only date first-generation immigrants, particularly ones who came here as adults.
You can’t. If male, you’re screwed from the get-go.
So: don’t believe in love. It’s a lie.
Amen. As a young man in the mid–1980s I realized then that the rules had changed and that women in general did not “love” in the sense we men have in mind for a relationship and marriage. This was probably always true. The difference when I made the realization was that women had—virtually overnight—become much more free to break promises and vows on a whim, screwing up/over men in the process without a second thought. That implies that love was never or only fleetingly in the equation in the first place.
Now princesses openly say that their first marriage is going to be a “starter marriage” until they find someone better—but their husband-to-be doesn’t find out until it’s too late. The women clearly don’t really “love” their fiances if that type of “thinking” is present.
A king doesn’t put up with it.
If you live in a big city, only date first-generation immigrants, focusing on those who came here as adults.
I am married to an awesome Vietnamese woman. She is high-maintenance in some respects, but she is definitely not a princess, and she has zero sense of entitlement.
Were I to re-enter the dating market (I cannot imagine why I ever would need — or want — to)…
rule 1: NO western women.
rule 2: see rule 1.
A (probably) necessary co-rule with number 1: Avoid Christian women. They always think they’re right, and they are not at all hesitant to invoke morality in support of their opinions. I HATE when they do that.
As a Christian man, I know this runs against all tradition and some (possibly misconstrued) biblical suggestions… but then again, most western Christian women I know are about as far from the typical Proverbs woman as one can get.
That wasn’t a suggestion, it was a commandment. Do not, as a baptized Christian, take a non-Christian spouse. You may well say, “Avoid all Christian women,” but for you that means, “Avoid all women and live a celibate life.”
Do you also follow all of the rules in Leviticus?
Or do you just pick and choose which Bible rules you want to follow?
Mythbuster is one of those anti-family american evangelicals who pedestalize women.
Fortunately, I follow God’s leading, not yours. When God leads in a direction that seems to contradict what all my religious leaders have told me the Bible says, I check the Bible, chuck the leaders, and follow God.
He said “marry her, and let Me worry about her Salvation.”
I did.
I married a damned good woman 29 years ago who just happens to have been born overseas. She’s funny, practical, intelligent, frugal and a hard worker. I’m so glad that I didn’t marry any of thw women I dared before marrying her. Any one thinks she’s some passive wallflower must never have met many Filipinas. Our joke, when she became a US citizen, was “I used to do that for you but I’m an American woman now. Do it yourself!”
In regards to women using more health care, that’s nothing new. In Colorado, it’s illegal to charge women more for health insurance than men so men pay more to subsidize women’s coverage. It’s perfectly legal to charge men higher premiums for auto and life insurance but illegal to charge women more for health insurance. Heads I win, tails you lose. I may be wrong but I’ve heard that ObamaCare makes that rule national.
It is, of course, perfectly OK to charge men more for car insurance.
That’s what I said. Since men as a group tend to have more claims on auto insurance, we tend to have higher insurance premiums. Likewise, since men tend to die before women, our life insurance premiums are higher when all other factors are equal. This is actually reasonable, so why is it illegal to charge higher health insurance premiums to women when they tend to have more claims?
Heads I won, tails you lose.
It is too complicated a question to answer fully in a comment but the most important thing is to have a backbone. If you constantly hear from the women in your life that you are stubborn that probably means you refuse to cave to their nagging. That is how women are winning the war of the sexes. Constant and consistent complaining to the point where most men have decided it is just not worth the fight. If the sexes were political parties it would be as if women were liberals and men were conservatives prior to the rise of the Tea Party. I am poaching from a Breitbart theme there but his point about consrvatives having lost the popular culture because they chose not to fight is what I am referring to.
The second most important thing is to treat women as true equals. No chivalry. Chivalry involves pampering women but also treating women like prizes. I let the women in my life know that they won’t be pampered but they also will be treated as my partner not my property. The ones that appreciate that sitick around. The ones that don’t look elsewhere.
Fascinating subject. It would be great to keep it active for at least a week.
I’m committed…to celibacy. Yeah, it’s a heavy price to pay, but the freedom from nagging is priceless. And I make sure I’m thoroughly ensconced with male activities: horses, shooting, weight lifting and betting on the horses as often as I like. Also, I learned to cook (and clean) at an early age so that I’d never be in need of a woman’s help. At work there are a lot of women, but since I never need their personal approval I feel totally liberated.
Wow. I expected to see answers based in love between a man and a woman. Not one commenter mentioned love. Or having a moral sense.
My wife is a princess in that she is by her own admission obsessed with fashionable clothing and shoes. She wants to be taken care of. She wants it all. But she also has a love of God, a PhD in Psychology, and an understanding that it cannot all be about her.
I say, women can be princesses in part of their lives, but just have to understand the big picture. Probably most of them do.
Another anti-family american evangelical who pedestalizes women. “Romantic Love” is a fake Victorian concept.
I just waited till I found one who wasn’t a princess and then treated her like one so I wouldn’t ever lose her.
I found the other posts fascinating. I too lived abroad – europe and asia – and found those women to be much more feminine (even the Sr.VP’s!) than those here. I believe that is because the feminist movement here went off the rails/mutated into man hatred vs. over there which went for sensible equality. A lot of lonely women I meet here who are in their 40′s or older (never married) are usually angry libs. Just sayin…
“I just waited till I found one who wasn’t a princess and then treated her like one so I wouldn’t ever lose her.”
That is well and truly put!
The “treat them like equals” resonates with me. Especially teaching your girlfriend or wife such basics as changing a tire (they gotta do the work, you point out the steps, but they gotta do the work). Also, encourage learning self-protection including using firearms.
Easy…..I was married for almost 21 years, ex left me when I was in Afghanistan in 2004
I have stayed divorced Ever since and anytime I get lonely, I realize every dime I make is mine and no one is trying to kill me!
I am living the dream now
If boyfriend John is sick of getting stuck with the bills, I suggest he stop paying them and kick princess Laura out on her ass.
Like nuclear war, the only way to win is not to play. I won’t let a “princess” get any leverage on me.
Sounds like Princess is just another term for “high-maintenance”. You do the usual things: observe, meet the family, listen. Just having nice clothes or hair doesn’t a princess make. Attitudes, how carelessly she treats money, how often she hints at the pricier items, how much she freaks out if her clothing, hair or nails get messed up (if there is no good reason), HOW she freaks out about the clothing/hair/nails: all those sorts of things go in to figuring it out. Go shopping with her, not for her with her along (though that can be revealing too). See which counters she heads to most often, how often she whips out her credit card. How does she manage in the grocery store?
You could slyly bring up topics to see what her skills are. Ask her for laundry tips or cooking tips.
A couple should be able to talk about money openly. Drop money topics into conversations to see where she heads with them. Does she boast about Mommy and Daddy giving her things and bailing her out? Does she mention budgeting? Or maxed out cards?
Can you hold a conversation about history or politics with thoughtful discussion and not just talking points or a dismissal as not important?
You get the idea.
This goes for both sexes because men (especially as metro-sexuals get more and more popular in some places) can be just as spoiled and need a new mom to take care of them.
In my personal life, I solved the issue by finally realizing I needed to hold my romantic partners to the same standards I held my male friends. In my early 30′s I had a great posse, but was still, against my wishes, single. Luckily, I was honest enough with myself to realize that most of my girlfriends had been attractive, intelligent, and fun to be with, but were profoundly lacking in some of the most basic elements of moral decency. Further, instead of seeing myself as a victim, I saw that it was my own shallowness and passive adherence to mainstream dating norms that had created that situation. I learned to adjust that behavior, and my personal satisfaction grew immensely. I have been very happily married now for over a decade.
Professionally, I did what many of the other commentators have done and entered a strictly technical, no bullshit field. I have taken the further step by working strictly as a contractor – there is less stability, but I am mostly able to remain outside office politics and a contemporary corporate culture that does seem to favor women. The recent emphasis on “team work”, for example, seems to me merely a way to punish or handicap men for having, in aggregate, greater technical aptitude.
I’m gay, and therefore a queen, so I outrank the princesses.
More seriously, I mock the self important, which occasionally gets me a slap in the face.
Her: Did you hold the door open for me because I’m a woman?
Me: Sorry, I thought you were a drag queen.
One useful tactic comes from the Heartiste: Agree & Amplify.
For those not interested in marrying a foreign woman, try marrying an anti-feminist woman or a woman who has lived overseas. I am American woman, however I didn’t grow up in the US for most of my formative years. It’s amazing what growing up around Muslim women wearing shapeless over coats and headscarves does for your outlook on ‘women’s rights’!
From my perspective, #2 Ern’s item number 4 goes hand in hand with #8 Gary from Jersy’s number 3. With a lot of the Princess types I’ve known, calling BS usually results in household mutiny, so being able to take care of yourself is the first step towards being able to call BS with true confidence.
1. I married a foreign woman. Sorry if that sounds like a recurring theme, but outside of the geek community, I found most American women to disdain the world of ideas in favor of a fat wallet. I wanted a woman who wouldn’t be embarrassed that I had tried to discuss Big Ideas with her.
2. I stand up for her, but not at the expense of myself, and I stand up for myself but not at the expense of her. I don’t put up with crap, but, just as important, I don’t let her be a doormat.
3. I disdain compromises. Compromises are crap; enough creative thinking should be able to result in a decision where both sides WIN.
4. Actual sacrifices get made. I gave up not one, but two careers to land this woman and do right by her. She has made sacrifices for me as well. Sacrifices need to be explicitly acknowledged, and the person receiving the benefit is obligated to try to even the scales where and how necessary (my “pound of flesh” is daily mugs of coffee provided and delivered with love).
5. This will sound sexist, but….I manage the money. There are plenty of women who are good with money, but the majority I have met are excellent in the immediate short-term but need serious coaching regarding what budgeting is, and how it works.
6. I don’t allow us to fall into debt. Most men don’t need “money items” to be happy, and nothing sucks the joy out of a man’s life like being enslaved to a pile of junk he neither needs nor wants.
I’m secure with myself. I don’t have to be in a relationship to be content. I’m completely self reliant. I don’t need a woman to do things for me. Sex is the only reason to have a woman around and the older I get the less important that becomes.
Relationships are supposed to be pleasurable. If it stops being pleasurable I end the relationship. This doesn’t mean I run from every conflict or argument, but if I start seeing snakes in her head it’s over.
I don’t wear fancy clothes or jewelry or drive a new vehicle and I don’t date women who do.
If a woman asks me to pay one of her bills I end the relationship immediately, on the spot.
A wise man once told me, “If if floats, flies, or f#cks, rent it”.
1. Grow a pair.
2. Don’t put up with BS from needy women or princess wannabees.
3. Find a woman who is self-reliant and likes to shoot and fish.
It’s not the concern with hair/nails/appearance that matters in itself–in fact, I like a woman who is ‘pulled together’ like a lacquered Dallas lady at lunch–but instead, whether that fussing is a way of exercising control over me:
Do I have to wait for her while she fusses?
Do I have to stand at the bottom of the stairs and say no that doesn’t make you look fat?
THAT is what I didn’t put up with.
Marry a good foreign woman, or,
Marry one of the, oh, I dunno, 10% of American women who can be as kind and unselfish and un-entitled as one of the foreign women can.
I did the latter.
To be fair, it was easy for me because I did most of my searching within a relatively conservative/orthodox group of Christians, and found a woman whose parents weren’t particularly well-to-do (and who therefore didn’t grow up with a sense of luxury-based entitlement) and who was a bit of a nerd or a wallflower in high-school and her early college years (and who therefore didn’t grow up with a sense of hotness-based entitlement).
Now the risk with this is that you initially are dating a woman who isn’t used to looking attractive, and that can be frustrating for a guy who doesn’t want his girlfriend to look bland.
But if the basics of female prettiness are there (as they were in my wife’s case), then the choice to marry such a woman is essentially sound. You first examine the fundamental character and see that, because she doesn’t have the sense of entitlement, she’ll make a good wife and mother (all other things being equal). Then you realize that her physical attributes are underpriced on the market because they’re poorly presented…and makeup and decent-fitting clothes are something a woman can learn by just watching “What Not To Wear” and stuff like that.
So it’s like the old Wall Street adage, with a twist: “Buy Low, Sell Never.” You marry the basically pretty girl of good character who doesn’t look polished (and even more importantly doesn’t think she’s “all that”), and she then becomes an appreciating asset who flowers into beauty as she becomes a confident and happy wife.
That’s the hot tip, fellows.
Oh, and don’t bed too many hot blonds or skanky liberals before you decide to go the good-solid-wife-route, either. Yes, it’s fun and all that. But it changes you; it impedes your ability to find and bond with a girl who has all the right fundamentals, like the ones I described above. Too much catting around is like too much time at the perfume counter; your nose gets desensitized and you can’t pick out anything any more, and you fall for some entitled princess type who’ll freeze you out of the bed and treat you like a dog and divorce if she gets an opportunity to marry up.
You don’t want that. So keep your wick dry and your head clear. Stay on target.
Oh, and don’t bed too many hot blonds or skanky liberals before you decide to go the good-solid-wife-route, either. Yes, it’s fun and all that. But it changes you; it impedes your ability to find and bond with a girl who has all the right fundamentals, like the ones I described above. Too much catting around is like too much time at the perfume counter; your nose gets desensitized and you can’t pick out anything any more, and you fall for some entitled princess type who’ll freeze you out of the bed and treat you like a dog and divorce if she gets an opportunity to marry up.
I just have to highlight that because it is so spot on. I’ve been trying to put that into words for a long time!
And you’re also liable to pick up a disease and/or become repulsive to the sort of woman you want to marry. After all, why should she marry a cad when she can find herself a chaste man who honors her as the Proverbs 31 woman she is?
That’s the down-side to Game. Once you get good and find out how easy it is to bed multiple American Women (sometimes all at once), you seriously lose respect for them. You realize most will easily cheat on you with no remorse, and aren’t good for relationships outside from sex.
That is why you need to marry Foreign, or Christian/Small Town.
According to an old Mexican saying, the perfect man is “fuerte, formal, y feo” (strong, well-mannered, and ugly). I’ve found that modern-day American princesses respect, and will defer to, a man who is smarter, stronger, polite, masculine, and disinterested.
Like that calypso song
“If you want to be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife,
My friend I warn of you,
Get an ugly girl to marry you”
Spoken;
“Met your wife the other day. Uuuugllllly?”
“Yeah, but she sure can cook.”
“Yeah, I know.”
I’m noticing a theme here with foreign-born women. Sorry to see that. Let me provide another perspective. I’m an American female by birth and an engineer by choice. I’ve got a lot of male friends who wound up with high maintenance women and were too passive to make it clear they expected to be treated in a loving and respectful way. I’m unmarried to date – it appears that my level-headed, logical approach to life is less interesting than the more flamboyant princess-types.
Case in point, one gentleman was crazy about me and appreciated my paying my own way for meals, entertainment, etc. but cooled when he realized that I was less emotionally dependent than he was comfortable with. When I pointed out that I didn’t need him to take care of me and instead chose to be with him because I wanted his company he was not reassured. Both parties have to be happy with the relationship for it to work out long term.
As a female, I’d recommend to men that they decide what they want in a female companion, see if it’s reasonable, and then pursue those qualities vigorously. Don’t be either a jerk or a doormat.
How?
Just do it. And don’t apologize.
If you are self-confident, dealing in a world of princesses is not hard.
Why is it hard for many men, myself included, to develop that confidence around
women? I think it is because men really want sex with women, but don’t understand women at all. (Women enjoy men, but don’t usually have the same intense need.) This male frustration leads to a range of behaviours from timidity to machismo to clowning, none of which lets you experience women.
My solution, later in life, was an intense study of women, originally outside
the USA but eventually within as well. I approached this just like university
or my career – thorough, focused, realistic. A lot of experimenting in non-threatening environments, being gentlemanly but uncomitted. After a couple of years I wasn’t desperate for sex anymore, I could talk to a beautiful young women without getting nervous. Although I am old now, I find that with my newfound young-buck confidence, I get a lot more attention from women than I dd when I was young!
Oh, I should probably add that my wife is a geek woman, and that she grew up on a farm and looks back on her farm years fondly.
The farm thing brings a certain simultaneous innocence and ruggedness to it.
And as for the geek-girl thing: What better, if you’re a geek guy? A woman with brains is a blessing. If it’s any indication, she and I watched several episodes of “TableTop with Wil Wheaton” over the last few nights and loved every minute of it. I introduced her to D & D, but she’s the one who more often pulls out my old books and rolls up a character for the fun of it.
So, to add that to my earlier list of promising looking criteria:
- Basically pretty physically but doesn’t yet know how to dress it up,
- Comes from the geek-girl culture and/or country-girl culture
- Doesn’t have hotness-based-entitlement
- Doesn’t have luxury-based-entitlement
- Doesn’t have feminism-based or similar ideologically-based hatred of men;
- Has an orthodox/traditional religious respect for traditional motherhood and family structures and has seen it modeled in her own family life
And I should also add…
- Doesn’t see divorce as culturally normal (ideally, parents not divorced; second choice, scandalized by parents’ divorce because it was so unexpected)
- Has a lot of respect for the men in her life (decent men as father and brothers)
All these are good things to look for.
In the spirit of avoiding redundancy, I’ll try not to echo a lot of the quality comments above. Here are a few “depedent variables” I use to avoid the tiara crowd and, consequently, carry my own crown:
1. Independence – a very ambiguous variable but it reveals itself in even the most mundane activities. I once had a girlfriend that walked into the kitchen in an attempt to throw something away. She saw me leaning on the kitchen island and promply delegated the task of transferring said trash another 5 feet. That wasn’t the be-all-end-all, but it served as data point #1 in a long list of unfavorable data points.
2. Athletic background – one part alignment to my personal values; one part subjective psychology. My experience shows that a sports background has the ability to phase out the princess “gene”. And, sure, it doesn’t hurt once you make the leap to the visual realm.
3. Communication style – self centered or outwardly focused? Does she listen with an intent to reply or actively listen?
That would be my top 3 list that lends itself to a life of royalty.
I married a lady.
Q.E.D.
That’s an extinct species in America. What we have here now is perfumed men with tits.
Answer. Be manly. Value manly traits. Courage, honor, respect, sacrifice, self control, loyalty to friends, strength, love, passion, work hard to provide for your family, backbone, truth, being a great father, protecting the weak. Being an authentic man, is it’s own reward. It carries you through the hard times when your manhood gets tested. And it will get tested. Keep being that kind of man, even when the princess, is being a princess. Realize that it isn’t all about you. If you live these traits, people will respect you, and more importantly, you will respect yourself. Life is good when you are respected.
A lot of american women don’t respect those values. Stop spreading disinformation.
Like many here I married a women from overseas and I honestly feel I won the “wife lottery”.
There is nothing genetically wrong with women – it’s how we raised them in our society that is the problem.
I notice that a lot of men here have mentioned finding women overseas. I also married a women from Asia. It had to do with :
a) I find Asian female features to be very attractive.
b) SOME (not all, but many) American / Western women have been raised with a deep sense of entitlement, grievance, and without anyone willing to discipline them in the same way we discipline boys (to make them better citizens).
For fairness sake, I’ll start with a critique of men, so you can see my thoughts are balanced:
In today’s Western society we cannot even discuss bad stereotypical female behavior – but we can, and do talk about men’s bad behavior.
Since we can talk about men’s stereotypical behavior, both good and bad, we can discuss how to raise boys and focus them and their traits to be better citizens. And, of course, we can discuss remedies for when those “male” behaviors cross boundaries and how to fix them.
So it’s clear I’m not female bashing, I’ll start with men/boys:
Men, stereotypically, tend to express their displeasure or lack of satisfaction directly and show anger. Generally (and not all men) men tend to confront what they don’t like, in the hopes of resolving it.
With men, we know, discuss, and have codified remedies to stereotypical bad male behavior. We know men can be / are hyper-focused, aggressive, brusque, direct, independent, and sometimes aloof emotionally. We channel those behaviors in boys and set boundaries and punish boys when they stray beyond those boundaries.
With girls we can’t even start the discussion about stereotypes of bad female behavior without someone crying “Misogynist!”
Women, stereotypically, are hypersensitive to criticism, react more with emotion than logic, gossip and use back door methods to attack others. Violence by proxy (either social or legal) is a normal outgrowth of this form of aggression.
Also, while men, when unhappy or upset, tend to get angry (a motivator) and take direct action – while women use the emotional outcry to “rally the troops” by playing the victim to get others to help.
Also – in our “victim Olympics” society – we lionize “victims” (or anyone claiming to be one), but never punish people who use the mechanism of victimhood falsely to hurt others.
I wanted to add:
A good number of Western women are deeply jealous / angry that many American men are not choosing them, and are showing a preference for women from overseas. Their comments, as I have personally been on the receiving end of them are often: “You just want a submissive sex toy you can control.”
I used to get angry, but now I just laugh. Here’s why:
1) Asian women (using my wife as an example) are NOT submissive. If they disagree with you, what they do NOT do is create a scene out in public. American women seem to what to act out what they have seen from Hollywood movies or from their emotion soaked drama shows. An Asian women will wait until you get home, behind closed doors, and let you know, in-no-uncertain-terms that she disagrees with you. That’s called class – not being submissive.
2) An Asian women is not “letting me control her”. She and I have our “spheres of influence” – she’s in control of some aspects of our relationship, and I’m in control of others. But that also delineates responsibility for that area. I have said “I’ll take care of [x]” and that means I’m “in control” of that item / task – but it also means I have claimed responsibility for it.
3) Asian women are not “sex toys”. First off, Good-Freaking-Grief, can you say prejudiced!? If I were to stereotype black women, or Muslim men and their sex life in such a negative way I’d be, rightfully so, called a bigot.
But, to respond to that: You mean to tell me that the woman I am married to gives me intimacy without making it unpleasant? A woman has asked me to be faithful, to seek pleasure from no one else but her, for me to be physically and emotionally intimate with only her, and to bond myself to her emotionally, legally, socially, morally, and be grateful for the opportunity to do so – is it so wrong of me to not want for that person to then use that honorable promise I made to not be used as a weapon against me?
A selfish vile women would demand I seek affection from no one else, but wants me to let her dribble it out at her whim and by the dictates of her emotional barometer.
A loving kind woman would know that in us making that mutual commitment that she also has an honorable loving happily given opportunity to be intimate with me, and should do so with joy in her heart.
I mean, am I not to be there for her emotionally and physically when she needs me?
To explain it to American women I often frame it like this: How would you like for your man to expect / demand from you any and all intimate pleasures – at any time, and purely based on his whim – but, when it comes to talking, sharing, emotionally bonding, cuddling, or just spending time together, he treats that like an obligation, a chore, a treat / punishment device, and then expects you to thank him for whatever crumbs he offers you?
So – in Western society that unbalance of what we expect from men versus what we expect from men, has raised a generation of women that have poor tools to build a relationship, and a sincere feeling of entitlement. And when those wants are not met, they get very angry. And, last I checked, angry people aren’t very attractive.
I hope I added to the discussion.
Steven
A bit of male folk wisdom applies here:
Beauty fades,
Passion cools,
…Cooking lasts.
Sounds a bit trivial but a woman who values cooking for her family has her heart in someplace good, albeit not all good women learn to cook well.
Definitely avoid women who spout off feminist themes and/or deny gender differences. These arguments are just escapes from reality.
Also, marry down, not up. Have more education, more status than your future wife. Remember that those who marry for money usually have to earn it.
I married a very traditionally religious woman, who believes in the “man is the head of the household” parts of the Bible. When we were getting married, I made sure we put the “… and obey” part in the vow. Now mind, you, I’m not some tyrant; if anything, I’m less dominant than she’d like. But I made sure we set down the terms from the start, and that makes the roles a lot clearer.
Also, in part because she was traditional and religious, she was a virgin. There were other boyfreinds in the past, but none very serious and no sex. There’s no other guy I’m being compared to, no “I should have” in her past. She truly believes that God himself put me in her life. That’s a tremendous blessing to me … if also a huge challenge to live up to.
Finally, several of her friends married huge assholes. I’m a gem in comparison.
So my question to readers is, “How do you live like a king in a world full of princesses?”
you dont, and you cant
if you’re living “like a king” in the current gynocracies of the western world, then you have already subjugated yourself (denials notwithstanding) to servitude on Plantation Princess
of course, thats not what you or your readerrs wish to hear — you wish to hear that it’s possible to play ball with thet matriarchy, and profit from the matriarchy, without betraying your God and your brothers
but it’s not possible
any male living “lke a king” in our Womans’ Nation has already sold out
as Jesus asserted (he was just touted by Michelle Babylon as a “role model for progressive citizenship” btw! lol): if the world loves you, and you are doing comfortably in it, then you are of the world; if the world hates you, and you it, then you are one of His own
period
no rationalizations required, thank you
any true servant of God or country would be opposing the Princess Plantation with all their might, not searching for ways to “live like a king” amidst its iniquity, lies (see Michie, supra) and oppression
hope that helps, doc :O)
1) Work
– Work hard and get good at what you do. 10,000 hours. Be good enough to get along without having to kiss a lot of butt; be a fixer, make yourself indispensible. It’s hard work – but you’re a man so don’t be a bitch and whine about the hard work.
– Be very much yourself, so you are comfortable in your own skin. I’m in an increasingly feminist-ized profession (attorney) and get along by being an oddball, eccentric special counsel type. Men aren’t a problem; it’s a dog pack and we’re a team, I’m a strong dog who pulls well but is enough of a PITA that the Alpha leaves me alone – and I’m smart enough not to directly pick a fight with the Alpha, most of the time.
– Bad princesses on the other hand are trouble, they leave me alone because I work to make them want to leave me alone, as an incorrigible and irritating oddball who ignores them, a complete PITA. I will occasionally help the sweeter princesses but only when they’ve stepped in an alligator pit. They are surprised by that, and don’t question my expertise after that and if they haappen to move up the ladder, we get to have a nice professional relationship on my terms. Perhaps this is a “Sigma” frame.
– Deal with male alphas and the queens – the competent, upper tier senior women – exactly alike – be your Sigma self and be courteous but not overly deferential to any of them. You want to be the pistolero they need help from, not the manservant who irons their pants. Never try to become close friends with them – stay clear of the Queens’ social pecking order BS with the princesses (and entitled young princes) and avoid the Alpha’s inevitable cheating, substance abuse and sexual harassment suits. Make friends out of work.
– Keep the personal life out of work. Absolutely do not date, be close friends with, hang out with, or otherwise show your @55 at work. Do not give them the ammo to shoot you with. Show up at firm events with family just often enough to avoid being accused of being an anti-social dick. Unless it’s your firm, you are not there to make friends, you are there to earn a paycheck and get the hell out. (If it’s your firm, run it however the hell you like). Again – be good, courteous, friendly, and beholden to nobody.
2) Home
– Marry a decent woman who is okay with traditional gender roles. She’s still a woman, try to keep the upper hand. Don’t let yourself go physically, don’t defer too much to her. It’s your job to be commander, hers to be XO.
– If you let her get the upper hand, you need to take the red pill and get it back. Don’t go full on game, but use a little to keep her on her toes. Do not, at any cost, suffer one-itis. It’s the beginning of her loss of respect for you.
– Be a father to your kids, particularly a son. DO NOT delegate everything to your wife – it’s your job to teach him to throw a baseball, to tell the truth, to stand tall against the neighborhood bully. You’ll need to fight the school indoctrination aimed at turning him into a girl – tell him it’s okay to fight a bully, he needs to show discipline at least in class, you’ll never get angry for failure but you will get angry over lack of effort. If you have a daughter, don’t tolerate princess behavior. Man the eff up – this is your main job right here.
– Learn how to identify a s___ test, as the gamers put it. When she s____ tests you, dial your emotional temperature to the opposite of what hers is. It will pass, and she won’t say anything about it. A good way of putting it is to never let your woman get your goat.
– At some point you’re going to have to explain to your son how this works, and also about the problems in school and modern dating. Don’t be too harsh on the little guy; build up his spine, keep him in line, but don’t break him. You want to raise a spirited, slightly defiant little creature who questions everything. He will be a pain in the ass, which is what he should be. Straight conformity is a little girl trait – the kind of good little girl the princesses punk.
– Find a church, synagogue, mosque or temple. Take your relationship with your God seriously. Don’t take what the clerics say too seriously. Use the text to imbue yourself and your kids with morals. Don’t be overbearing about it – but be firm about having your own moral compass, and that the purpose of church isn’t showing off sunday suits but finding a way to sharpen iron with iron, and explain that to your kids; teach them to be wise.
3) Community & Friends & Hobbies
– Step up and lead. Get involved in leading stuff – scouts, neighborhood association, sports teams for kids, etc. This is also your job.
– Don’t give up on growth. Follow the news, stay informed. Keep reading fiction and maybe some non-fiction. Work out. Keep working on the house.
– Do things you love, find some good manly things where most of the guys are going to be reinforcing what you value – fishing, hunting, maybe kayaking and skiing, mountain biking, back country hiking (traditional guys do traditional guy things).
– Enjoy being a guy. Have a scratch when you get up. Burp. Have a beer. Pee off the back porch if you can do so without getting arrested. Enjoy dangerous tools and fast vehicles, find a contact sport you like to watch, and reserve a room in the house for no pink crap, but wood paneling, old sports memorabilia or books if you’re less sporting and that’s more your deal.
That’s my recipe anyhow. Took about ~40 years to hit on it. Mostly works. Pretty happy most of the time.
Maybe it is a Canadian thing but I don’t find a lot of princesses. Sure, women like nice things and a good deal of security – so do men.
The question is how do you think you get the things and the security? The woman I am married to does everything required to raise (and homeschool our boys), keeps house, supports my work and, amazingly, never complains when (as the self employed do) we hit a rough spot. She gets the nice things and as much security as I can give her by being my wife, best friend, lover and, most importantly, herself.
In a very real way being herself is what drives her to wear pretty clothes, read interesting books, have something to say. And it keeps me up to scratch because I just love impressing her, making her laugh, keeping our family safe and well.
When we first dated she told me that what I saw was who she was. Fifteen years on I have no reason to doubt that.
The one thing I would avoid, far more than a sense of entitlement, is passive aggressive behaviour. I would much rather my wife say flat out that she wants something than have to somehow read her mind and be blamed if I don’t get it right. Been there – it is soul destroying.
Foreign? I’ll say.
Amish.
I gave up on having a serious relationship 20 years ago(I’m 50). I have had a number of FWB, but I will never again sacrifice myself to please a narcissistic woman. We broke up and within a month she got engaged to another guy. After she married him, she stalked me for 8 years(stopped when she moved out of state). She was hot and there was always a new chump ready to do whatever she wanted. She used sex as a weapon. Guys seriously acted like puppy dogs around her(it was when I realized I was doing the same thing that I ended it). The plus side is, at my age, I see the women that were players when they were younger and they no longer have their looks. They also never developed a long term relationship with anyone. Nor have they developed the skills to have one, strippers come to mind,(yea I ALMOST fell for one of them too). Just because she is giving you sex does not mean she loves you, regardless of what she says. You can buy sex, you CANNOT buy a relationship.
Yea, I’m a bit bitter.
P.S. Helen, Glenn is a damn lucky man!
I used to be a princess, then mental illness exploded his/our world. I found out that the honour, commitment and character side of the princess equation is damn hard, but so utterly and completely worth it on the other side of hell.
It isn’t much of a secret in my family, but I love material goods and security. Perhaps no one in my family was more surprised than me when I decided for better or worse meant forever and I had to be a better person when his health was worse.
So apparently, by this criteria, I am a reformed princess. I wouldn’t wish his illness on my worst enemy but I am gratefully surprised that I can support my family in a competitive field, make do with fewer material goods and fall in real love after more than a decade of marriage. So much crap can fall away and you can find out what really matters in life.
I am married to someone who inspires me, I have never seen anyone work as hard as he has to come back from the brink and now he is healthy. I would lay down my life for him, I have no idea how I am so lucky. My eternal regrets are my past expectations and princess behaviour.
Haven’t dated much the last few years, largely because of getting tired of games and some thing’s I’d say are connected to ‘princess’ attitude. Couple of those:
Pay attention to what she thinks of your hobbies or side-jobs; that can be a big warning sign. Someone who starts hinting that “That’s smelly(or dirty, or loud) and doesn’t really fit in with(this place/these people/what I like)”, well, you’d better take notice of that. And deal with it.
A “You’re with ME now, therefore-” attitude. Not doing things that might seem insulting or uncaring to her, yeah, you watch out that you don’t do that, it’s simple politeness; her demanding that various things start changing ‘because of ME’… you either stand up to that right off or face a much nastier situation down the road.
I’d guess a very short version is You can be one of two people:
A: A man who meets others on even ground, is willing to argue without insulting, willing to stand up for himself and what he believes even when it costs, or
B: Someone willing to give up parts of self and beliefs in order to make others happy, even when it pains you. Or actually hurts.
Though I guess you could go to C: Become someone like Roissy who’ll game women ’round in circles, and just dump them when they become inconvenient.
The best way to learn how to deal with partners, and people in general, is to read Winning the Games People Play, by Nathan Miron. This is my (typically immodest) opinion, anyway. Dr. Helen is presumably familiar with the book.
Fortunately I live in the Baltics and therefore all the women I meet are “foreign”; but I must say that Guitanguran @7 has a point: there is a reason why “country girl” is considered a compliment. The loveliest American girl I met grew up on a farm in Michigan. I must say, though, that she was too nice for my taste: I like women with a hint of a kinky streak.
Well, it must be said, women are certainly enjoying their empowerment. One only need watch a few hours of HGTV to understand the completeness of the subjugation of men in America. Most women don’t seem to even pretend anymore, a man is just a larger child in the household. If one were to doubt my observations, viewing a days worth of commercials would reinforce the image of the feckless male in a household dominated by the females.
I have determined the pecking order as presented by a female dominated PR world. Top of the heap are white females, then minority females, then minority males, then white girls, minority girls, minority boys and lastly, white males. Everybody is smarter than white males.
So, how do I deal with a ‘princess’ dominated society? Easy. Sex has never been better. Women are not shy about it and regardless of their desire to dominate in every other area they still like a little (or a lot) of domination in bed and I can provide that. I don’t care about those who don’t because I’ll never work my way through those who do.
As far as relationships go, a man has about a 60-90 days grace period before a woman will attempt to establish ‘the proper order of things’ and he must either acquiesce or move on. That’s not to say there aren’t reasonable women out there but even those are victims of a society that has taught them what their ‘proper’ place is and even equality with a man isn’t really a possibility (the role reversal is complete!:).
I think it must be obvious at this point I am single and will remain so. I think a lot of men look at what has happened to our society and understand the mom and dad, white picket fence and 2.3 kids is over. We build our lives around ourselves and women become a severable adjunct to those lives as we are to theirs. I enjoy cooking dinner and spending a quiet evening with a lady and Sunday morning papers, all those things but I know I’ll enjoy them with the next woman just as much.
Children? Will the princess raise them? The trap of marriage? I think we should move toward a legal arrangement with the responsibilities clearly outlined and if an equitable living arrangement can be made based on that agreement then give it a go. The thought of waking up next to one of those harridans on “House Hunters” is enough to keep me out of a traditional marriage. OMG.
Women still respond to a masculine male and if you keep things in perspective there has never been a better time for a man.
Grow up, boy. You don’t have any perspective to speak of. I have zero respect for boys like you who are nearly twice my age bragging about what a stud you are. You’re no stud, you’re just a whoremonger who is taking women out of the marriage market. Grow up, and either get married or keep it in your pants. Boys like you disgust me.
Dishonest anti-family american evangelicals like yourself who kiss the butt of the evil american family court system is what disgusts me.
I married a Japanese girl, so I qualify as having gone the foreign route. I didn’t do it at the time to avoid American women, just kind of worked out that way. When I was available, American girls either wouldn’t give me the time of day or were really interesting but had a heroin habit or something wacky like that.
I finally went for the girl who was a friend for a long time before getting romantic, and who pursued me doggedly but politely and always treated me with respect, and who also respected my family who thought (and thinks) she’s the cat’s pajamas.
Don’t get the wrong idea. Contrary to the popular image, she’s no quiet, subservient cupcake! We have our rows, but we always get over it and back to family and the business of living. We have a wonderful pair of twin boys and when I really think about it, life couldn’t be better. We bought a small house in 2001 in a nice Boston neighborhood. In retrospect I wish we had spent more and bought bigger, but I was strongly urging caution at the time and I can’t say we’ve regretted it.
I give her her own way with almost everything except when I don’t. I remind her now and then (not flippantly, mind you, but when it counts to me) that I can dig my heels in too.
Sometimes, I think, you have to be willing to ‘die’ in the back of your mind. When you’re taking a stand on something really important to you, sometimes you need to know in the back of your head that she might choose to up and walk away, take it all or what-have-you. It’s a risk, but you can’t let that cow you into always giving up your own desires and opinions for hers. Same with women who might take offense at your ‘attitude’ or whatever. Don’t try to offend, that’s childish, but don’t let the fear of it turn you away from yourself.
I can tell my wife, who has been in the states almost 20 years now, is affected by the opinions of other entitled girls around her at work, but she’s got a very strong core of her own and always gravitates to that. For both of us, the family is worth everything, including occasionally suffering things we might not always like about each other.
Those times always pass and look silly in retrospect. I really feel bad for the folks who split up the moment something happens in the relationship that’s outside their comfort zone, or which their friends say they should divorce over.
“In sickness and in health” covers it all for me.
In life, I always try to be respectful to women, but I also enjoy looking at them and don’t worry if they know it. Around my wife, though, I try to always treat her like a queen when others are around. She doesn’t always reciprocate, but does when it counts and that’s fine with me
Being guided, in life, from within rather than without, is a big part of the overall key to happiness in general, I think.
Many recurring themes here. My wife of 27 yrs grew up in an anti-princess environment, daughter of an Air Force officer in a traditional family that happened to move around every few years. She and her four sibs all served in the army or air force at one time or another (my wife in the army, which is where I met her). Military service weeds out princesses of both genders, thank God. She knows when to leave me to my own devices, but we have a lot of activities we enjoy doing together: hiking, diving, skiing, travelling, etc. A more down to earth woman I can’t imagine. She works as an IT specialist, which places her well away from the fem-centric BS jobs (I work in IT as well, and the women around me are about as far from princesses as possible… engineers and such). She likes to laugh at princesses and females who can’t sort out their lives. Growing up with 4 brothers, she learned how to take care of herself. The only thing I don’t let her do is cook. I love good food, and have tasted her mother’s cooking – raising six kids on a major’s pay did not make for haute cuisine when my wife was growing up, so she never learned the kind of cooking I like. Not that she can’t cook. I’d rather she didn’t……
I married a foreign woman. I know not all American woman are not worth the bother, but good ones are just too few and far between. If I were ever single again, I would seek out another foreign woman: even dealing with foreign-born women on a day-to-day basis is more pleasant than dealing with American ones.
A lot of men in the US just don’t seem to care about having to pay for a princess and put up with her entitlement.
I can’t fathom that attitude myself, but it really strongly exists. Whether the men base their actions on religion, or they are just spineless, or they are morons (usually with combinations of the above), there are plenty of men supporting leeching and parasitic women, and many are even quite proud of it. A Real Man supports a woman, even if she laughs about him behind his back, I guess.
So everyone’s happy (except the princesses – who may only be happy after the quick rush of a shopping trip on the husband’s dime).
I really like Dr. Helen’s columns, but the comments are depressing. To all you men who seem to feel that foreign-born women are the only way to go, I have to wonder what your real goal is – love and companionship or simple obedience? I am not implying that you’re abusers or dictators, but seriously. And this is from someone with a part-Filipino son (ex MIL is Filipina), current MIL is British, three uncles with Vietnamese or Japanese wives, and an honorary Korean Aunt. (Yes, we’re a military family)
Being treated “like a king” doesn’t mean being waited on or obeyed, it means having someone loves you and respects your opinion, wants the relationship to be a team effort. My husband and I have been able to achieve that, and I’m a 100% American girl; many of my friends have as well. Yes, I’m divorced, but my ex and I are still good friends – his new wife and I are even better friends.
I’m just not a big fan of generalizations, I guess. I’ve met plenty of spoiled rotten women who think they should be treated like a princess merely for existing, but I’ve also met plenty of men who feel they should be treated as kings for the same reason (or worse, because they have money). I don’t like a sense of entitlement no matter what gender – nor do I think it’s confined to a single gender.
Respectfully, if you don’t like generalizations, don’t make them:
“Being treated “like a king” doesn’t mean being waited on or obeyed…”
Who here has said anything about marrying a foreign woman in order to be waited on and obeyed? Granted, I understand where the stereo type may come from, as that is the first assumption of many, but many here including myself have put this fantasy to rest!
It’s about finding someone who wasn’t born and then bred with a pair of ‘entitlement goggles’ fused to their cranium, affecting everything they see and do and hear from that point on.
Men who dream of ‘being obeyed’ by a foreign-born woman are doing just that, dreaming. I’ve known people like that and that’s as far as they get, dreaming.
Yep, it’s all about the entitlement.
American (white) men are assaulted on all fronts with the message that they are bad for being…men. The mandatory workplace sexual harassment “training”; the feminized male news anchors; the headlines, the magazine covers, the endless stream of bestselling woman-finds-her-voice-in-a-male-world books; Oprah and lawyers and schools and universities…I could go on, but Dr. Helen’s readers know this lament.
Foreign women aren’t about subservient geisha fantasies. They’re about finding someone who just hasn’t been exposed to all that sociological poison.
For someone who doesn’t like generalizations, you seem to assume that all foreign-born women are more “obedient” than Americans. That’s a heck of a generalization (and patently false in my wife’s case).
My wife is as “empowered” as any American woman–the difference is that she doesn’t *think* of herself as being empowered. That’s a subtle difference, but a critical one. She wasn’t steeped in the passive aggressive culture of modern liberal feminism. She’s capable, intelligent, and funny without thinking that she should be constantly praised or rewarded for those things. In short, she’s a human being, not a gender-diametrically-opposed-to-male.
The biggest difference is as much of a benefit to her as it is to me: she doesn’t strain against traditional gender roles like American girls are taught to do; she acknowledges that men and women are different but well-balanced. (Not “equal”–numbers are equal. Humans are all different.)
She’s also a country girl, so best of both worlds actually!
Red: I think you have it backwards. What we’re all saying, is that it is our experience that Western women are predominantly where we’d go for sex toys. We certainly don’t want them as wives, because they expect so much as their due, and treat us like the bumbling morons we’re portrayed to be in Western media.
We prefer foreign (Asian, often) wives because they are willing to respect us as we respect them. They may or may not be hot in bed (it’s beside the point), but we choose them because they make good wives. If we were interested only in Asian sex play, we wouldn’t be marrying them.
To all you men who seem to feel that foreign-born women are the only way to go, I have to wonder what your real goal is – love and companionship or simple obedience?
This is very close to the racist stereotype that Asian women are all meek and subservient. While that may have been true at one time, I know dozens of Asian women in my wife’s circle of friends. Filipinas are like jalapenos, they tend to be hot and spicy.
My wife and I celebrated our 29th anniversay last weekend. We met in college here in America (she was a foreign student). She treats me well and I treat her well. She doesn’t put up with any crap and neither do I. When we married (and long before anyone ever heard of Loreina Bobbit), she told me in no uncertain terms what she’d do to me if I ever cheated and I knew she’d do it. Not only afterwards, I gave her a set of kitchen knives. When our youngest son married, we gave his bride a set of knives and told her the story. She has been armed and our son has been warned! She’s also a Filipina (and a lawyer, no less) and isn’t a wallflower, either.
The things that attracted me to my wife were her intelligence (she was a nursing student), her sense of humor, her frugality and the fact that she didn’t play any of the BS mind-games that so many American women seem to love. Money was very tight when we were dating and first married. When she said on a date, “You’re spending too much money on me”, I was floored. In our 29 years together, we’ve both worked hard and spend less than we earned. We’re 100% debt free and have a low 7-figure net worth (not even counting our house). We’ve done well together.
I’m a “till death do you part” kind of guy. Should I survive my wife, I seriously doubt I’ll ever marry again. It just doesn’t seem worth the risk.
Big Red,
I say this gently and with sincere respect, but you’ve got not-clue-ONE about what most American men are saying.
I’ve read the comments, and I left one – and every single one has praised, shown love towards, shown respect for, and gratitude towards their foreign wives.
What I have NOT seen is anyone bragging like a 12 year old child about “his submissive wife”.
I think what we have here is something akin to a reference to Aesop’s fables & the phrase “Sour Grapes”.
My dad told me something once when I was young, and it stuck:
“If you are as wonderful as you think you are then you should see a long line of the opposite sex beating a path to your door, and then them banging on it and demanding you marry them. If that’s not happening, then the common denominator is you. Fix YOU, don’t expect the entire world to adjust TO you.”
And unfortunately, most Western / American women seem to have never been taught this. I guess it stems from the stereotypical female trait of hypersensitivity to any form of even constructive criticism.
I’m going say this to you – in a gentle, but stereotypically blunt male way – something that a lot of men talk about when American / Western women aren’t around. And if anyone here disagrees with me, especially the men with foreign wives, please do correct me – but I doubt that’s going to happen.
My dad is an expat (expatriate) living abroad – due to his pension going much further in another country, not for companionship (though that’s a nice side benefit) and I have been to a few countries (not tons, but a few). I have read about living abroad on many forums and I keep seeing a reoccurring theme.
When American men go and live abroad and the opportunity to date presents itself, those men have an epiphany. Women around the world LOVE to date and to marry American men. We are PRIZED as husbands. We are competed for, cherished, and it’s quite a culture shock for most American men who experience this. They go from receiving outright hostility at our approach to an openness and acceptance of our entreaties to asking a woman to dinner. We go from male-bashing and open rudeness toward our gender, to being treated with respect (when we earn it, lol) and our opinions not needing “adjustment”. Sex is not a treat to be dribbled out, nor maliciously withheld. Our rows we have in private are not aired in public, with a good slice of one sided B.S. being presented in the narrative to assassinate our character. In short we get the romantic passionate fairytale that many men want.
The American women who work and / or live abroad have a much different experience. Long being used to being catered to, deferred to, it being acceptable to “need to change a man” (how insulting is THAT – like we’re “broken”) and allowed to be openly bigoted towards and making disparaging remarks about men – they find their BEHAVIOR turns off non-American men. Sure, those men will sleep with them, but …. Marry them? It’s rare.
Many American women, feeling angry at anything less than constant praise, often make the comment:
“You just want her because she’s submissive and for sex – and she just wants you for money and a green card.”
Problem is – it simply isn’t true – and I can prove it to you.
As stated American men go overseas and RAVE about how they are treated and often marry a foreign woman, or come back and talk about how great it was and mention wistfully how they wish they had married a foreign woman.
Meanwhile, American women, by and large, do NOT get marriage proposals.
Same opportunity for money and a green card – but different results. So – the theory that American men “exploit” these women and that these women “only want into the USA and/or his money” is debunked.
Lastly – and this is possibly a bitter pill to swallow. If this were somehow different (based on color or religion) or reversed – I would bet big money American / Western women would use it as proof positive of how wonderful they were and how it was almost universally recognized – and how badly they were treated at home.
Since that is likely true – be objective and ask yourself: WHY American men are seeking foreign brides. And then LISTEN to the American men when they answer. Don’t listen to Cosmo, your bitter divorced friend, or your feminist indoctrinated ignoramus big-mouth-know-it-all PC soaked moron “expert”.
Men are pretty simple – and we’re usually blunt and direct. Chances are … the answer we’re giving is just what it is, and not full of unspoken subtext. It may not be the answer American / Western women want to hear – but that’s just a mental defense mechanism kicking in, preventing self-examination and showing an inability to take any form of criticism.
Give it some thought.
Steven
“Our rows we have in private are not aired in public, with a good slice of one sided B.S. being presented in the narrative to assassinate our character.”
Classic symptom of American women. Maybe other women do this too, but American women definitely do. They feel entitled to blab all manner of personal matters to their girlfriends. Demonizing the husband/boyfriend is a sport with them.
I’m a happily married Serbian-American woman. I don’t badmouth my husband to ANYBODY, and that’s that!
@Steven
That was an excellent and thought provoking comment – definitely some food for thought!
I am still in the U.S…but since you seem to have a good deal of FW experience what countries/cultures seemed to have the ‘best’ (a bit of nebulous term, perhaps) women for long term relationships/marriage?
My advice is not so much “which country” – but the attitude of the woman, looking at her family and how functional and intact they are, and by asking her questions and listening to her answers concerning moral / ethical issues.
My wife and I also “courted”. Now, that seems a “dated” concept, but courting allows a nice buffer of time for the two people to truly get to know each other.
Too often in American / Western culture we date, and within a few dates and / or a few weeks we jump into bed and establish a “relationship”. Good Lord knows I’ve done that with the majority of my relationships – the lure of “easy sex” is too hard for most young men to resist. But, it does not allow you to make an infored decision and to wait to really get to know your potential spouse.
Long before my wife and I got married I knew what she was like, what her responsibilities would be, what mine would be, what the boundries were etc. It takes a huge amount of conflict out of the equation.
What do couples mostly fight over? Sex and money are the two biggest, IMO. If you define who will work in what capacity, and how money will be spent, saved, and what your mutual goals are, and how to work towards them – you resolve a lot of conflict before it begins. As to sex, if you both know what is acceptable and what is not (and I’m not really talking about the acts, so much as the attitudes towards your sex life here), you’ll avoid many many arguments.
I hope that helps.
Steven
Got me, Red. I married a Hungarian gal b/c I was in Budapest and no matter how weird the idea, she’d argue about it with me. Hungarian women are not *precisely* what you’d call submissive subserviant doormats.
The American women I knew, by contrast, tended strongly to be bubbleheaded gold-diggers. As an intellectually-oriented geeky nerd with a “standard grad student’s” wallet, I had nothing on my VISA card to attract them.
A lot of men in the US just don’t seem to care about having to pay for a princess and put up with her entitlement.
I can’t fathom that attitude myself, but it really strongly exists. Whether the men base their actions on religion, or they are just spineless, or they are morons (usually with combinations of the above), there are plenty of men supporting leeching and parasitic women, and many are even quite proud of it. A Real Man supports a woman, even if she laughs about him behind his back, I guess. He really believes that.
So everyone’s happy (except the princesses – who may only be happy after the quick rush of a shopping trip on the husband’s dime).
Totally true. The husband/boyfriend thinks his job is to be a doormat. And he lets the wife raise the daughter as a little evil clone. I don’t know why but the attitude is very prevalent among American men.
How do you live like a king in a world of princesses? Gayness.
Actually, there are way too many gay men out there who can out-princess even the most demanding royalty. It’s easy to give them a wide berth, as they aren’t a majority of gay folk. Just the most vocal.
There’s an old saying:
American women are good for sport sex, but make terrible wives. (PG version)
Truth is that American women by and large have no values, and are inculcated by pop culture to be selfish above all else. In other words, they are by and large without Virtue.
You can’t have a family and raise kids without having Virtue.
American women are also astonishingly vapid and shallow. They seem to have no concept whatsoever what it is to actually be a Woman. Primarily, they are utterly ignorant of the fact that being feminine is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. Example: Lauren Bacall. Example: Sophia Loren.
As a result, American women behave in ways which are fundamentally repulsive. They demonstrate such a lack of regard for others and are so lacking in dignity that they inspire contempt from any guy who is even half a man. It becomes obvious within 30 seconds or less that in any kind of crisis situation, they would not be able to handle themselves. Who wants to be stuck with such a dead weight for the rest of their life?
Dr. Helen:
This is just too Easy. First you have have to either be single OR fundamentally pick a woman with character and values in the first place. Without that you need to get a lawyer and start over.
This “entitlement thing” , “Deserve” to be treated like a princess, is insidious and can creep up on you. Particularly when you either live or have relocated to a high end suburb “for the kids”; you know the schools are better, etc etc
After about 20 years out here in the high end suburbs, she was feeling entitled and raised one of the girls to be. So when I was between jobs, struggling and getting a lot of heat for it at home, I decided to give them all a taste of their own medicine. I told them we were done, that I was going to retire and they needed to all increase their workload to support the household expenses as well as their wants and desires.
In short … after slaving to care for them and doing an excellent job of it for 30 years … Essentially I went John Galt on the domestic front.
Not everybody will face my methods as I realize they are somewhat, painfully difficult and impractical to make them a “rule”. But I’m probably made of different stuff than most.
I loved them all but wasn’t willing to continue down this path. Without a complete complete break, I knew I couldn’t get the “Deserve-a-holics” to bottom out.
And bottom out we did. I knew if it resulted in divorce, after 18 months of no income and eating assets, She would be more horrified at no alimony, in fact perhaps paying me alimony or having to fight it … and splitting the debts.
During this period I got in terrific shape, got a tan, separated finances, did a lot of flyfishing, some hunting, went to the Opera, learned ballroom dancing, had great outings with the kids, and became the world’s greatest lover within the confines of a difficult marriage. I made it the object of character not to be provoked into arguments or fights and remain calm, …. and unyielding. ( a good sense of humor, a good sense of timing, and “how to pick your battles helps. so does how to improvise when Plan A goes to hell)
Results ? Assets eaten but debts paid down. Back at work, have a wife that thinks she’s lucky to have me and also hard at work. We talk about money and goals without fighting or emotion, and are on the same page about planning and executing. I also kicked her pompous ass brother to the curb when he tried to give me sh*t about it.
I doesn’t always work out this well I know. I wasn’t willing to continue and was willing to risk it. Know the law, know your women, know your self.
Best advice I was ever given by my sainted uncles … “Know where you are in the game, consider carefully the hand you are dealt, have the b*lls to do what you must”
Best wishes.
John Galt III
Since I initiated a recurring theme on this thread (although I’m sure that somebody else would have initiated it if I hadn’t), I thought that I’d share Nelson Algren’s thoughts on the subject. He writes in 1969 about Japanese women:
Argue, if you will, about Chuck Davy’s chances against Kid Gavilan, Silky Sullivan’s chance against Tim-Tam or how many successive games Luke Appling will be able to play – the debate about Oriental vs. American women is over, too. And it was a mismatch as bad as Joe Louis vs. Johnny Paycheck.
Nor is this simply because the Oriental woman has more grace, a finer complexion, dresses unpretentiously and possesses poise. It’s because she has the inner composure derived from knowing she is a woman. The reason the American woman overdresses, flops when she sits, strides when she walks, booms when she speaks and gets stoned on half a martini, is because she doesn’t feel sure she is a woman. And that is also the reason for her perpetual complaint – “What happened to the men? There aren’t any men any more. Virile men.”
Perhaps one reason is that, when she is confronted by male virility, she goes to such great lengths to destroy it. Which also throws some light on the reason for American men still going bamboo.
You can find the entire piece, entitled “Poor Girls of Kowloon”, in the collection The Last Carousel.
At the wedding the groom looks at his beautiful bride and hopes she stays that way for the rest of her life. The bride look at the groom and hopes he changes.
On their 25th anniversary they look at each other and both are disappointed(GBS).
“How do you live like a king in a world full of princesses?”
The person who cares the least has the most power. Protect your assets. If you enjoy her company, then have fun. If Little Miss Princess wants to leave, adiós muchacha. There are plenty more out there.
What’s up with this love of Asian women? I love my mainland Chinese wife (and she is good at saving and such) but educated Chinese women are some of the most entitled around. She still thinks the ideal husband is the one who does everything for his wife — and her friends have similar attitudes.
I suspect the cause is the one child policy — it is hard for only children not to be spoiled.
I’ll bet your wife grew up in the city.
Mine grew up in the countryside and knew what it meant to work, and not have a lot. She also has very distinct notions of how a man should treat his wife…but unlike the princesses we’re discussing, she also thinks that effort should be reciprocated. We’ve both learned a lot from each other.
Some of those responding have specified Asian women, but most have simply said “foreign women” or something similar. I will date (and have dated) women from Latvia, the Netherlands, and England. I stopped acting as if I had any romantic interest in women when I was still living in Silicon Valley, where Asian women are a majority of the women born and raised outside the United States, so most of the women whom I dated were, in fact, Asian; if most of the women born and raised outside the United States had been Norwegian, it’s likely that most of the women whom I dated would have been Norwegian.
I SURF.
“The secret to living like a king in the world of princesses?”
Always be prepared to leave her if your life becomes intolerable — regardless of the cost — and make sure she knows it.
Of course, the best way is never to get that involved in the first place, but I’m not going to offer advice which runs counter to a couple thousand-odd years of genetic- and social conditioning.
I married a U.S. woman and I’m very happy with that decision, but then I’m a furriner myself, so I brought different rules, attitudes and perspective to the party. She’s not a princess, never has been, never will be.
Wow, you’re back!
If you ever feel like doing some more blogging, please contact us 1389 Blog. By the way, most of us do not use our real names on the blog, for reasons of livelihood and safety, but that’s up to the individual team member.
Nice to see you out and about, Kim.
What a bunch of sad sacks. It’s a man’s world.
LOL – two words: “Sour Grapes”
The best and most enjoyable part of reading your post: We men don’t have to put up with attitudes like yours. We’ve found women who appreciate us, treat us nicely, and (wonder of wonders) LIKE us.
As to it being a man’s world – yea, right. The rules that govern, the laws that apply, and the popular culture all accomadate FEMALE wants – not men’s.
Get a grip.
I do this by demanding she pull her own weight and not caving in to her whims. When she acts like a brat I point it out and wont have any of it. It really is that simple. Living like a king is easy, if you have that thing they call a spine.
Excellent discussion.
“If you want to be happy for the rest of your life,
make an ugly woman your wife,
so from my personal point of view,
get an ugly girl to marry you.”
(paraphrased, from memory)
Seriously though,
1) Get to know her mother; if you don’t like her, sooner or later you won’t like the daughter.
2) Look in the places ‘real’ women are – in the country, in jobs that actually DO things, in the military, – or even, as so many above have commented, among foreigners.
3) Take her on at least some dates doing things YOU like to do – be it fishing trips, NASCAR races, or the opera. Don’t just do things you think she wants to do so you can get in her pants.
Worked for me. Married 38 years. Freezer full of venison SHE hunted.
Kim I still miss your site. Hope everything is gravy for you and yours now and going forward.
I am 39 years old. I’m very happily married to a 39 year old woman from Seattle. Princess? No. Treat her like one? I try.
I plan to teach my sons to never, never marry w/o a prenup agreement. It may not hold up completely in court but it sets down the ground rules up front. I married late in life and my wife had worked for many years on her own so this has not been an issue for us.
You have taught your sons to contract invalid marriages. Entering marriage preparing for divorce will only serve to nearly guarantee a divorce.
You’ve got that right, MythBuster.
If you aren’t prepared to go “all in” when marrying, it isn’t marriage at all – it’s concubinage.
‘Cept you can’t “go all in” if one resides in any jurisdiction that permits unilateral divorce.
Try again.
The reason for prenups is because the United States Government has already planned a divorce for you.
I highly suspect that mythbuster is financialy involved in the american divorce industry.
The crucial question: If you ever get into a disagreement where neither is willing to budge, does she trust you (husband) enough to agree in advance to give you the tie-breaker vote? You might think that the wife might lose many arguments, but in forty-five years, I have exercised this rule only once.
I was born overseas and came to the US to attend college and was able to stay. The best women in America are the best in the world. Behind them is a vast class of self-congratulatory under-acheivers who have been told they are the center of the universe and who have access to a legal system that gives them cash for just being women. Yes, there are many mean and selfish women in the US. I just avoid them. If you work at and do things that other intelligent and caring people are drawn to you will meet a wonderful woman.
Defeat women in every sport, game, activity they think they can do as well as men. I’ll never forget clobbering two chicks on the Chico State volleyball team, my fellow teammate and I hammered, of course. And the time I embarrassed this chick who thought she was a pool shark. Little did she know, thinking her hotness would intimidate me, I was recently awarded the Ohio State amateur 8-ball champ title. Nothin like stuffing it down their throats like that, with no room for argument, victimization, whatever. A great feeling indeed.
Bachelorhood has worked for me. Since I’m totally introverted (0/30 on the Myer-Briggs E/I scale) loneliness is not a factor in my life; I’m happiest when by myself.
My relationships have been few and far between and I learned early on that long periods of celibacy were not a problem for me. So no woman was ever able to make me dependent upon her.
Last year I was able to retire at 58 with a good pension, a comfortable nest egg and no debt. I stick to myself and live exactly the way I want.
Unfortunately, this only works if you’re a confident introvert.
I am an engineer, so thankfully I don’t run into a lot of princesses at work. Coming out of college, I got lucky and had my chance at a hot-looking American woman with a warm personality– but as good as she looked, I just couldn’t stomach her unflagging negativity: too much liberal “I hate America” whining, while basking in riches. I ended up marrying an Asian woman because she and I hold similar values (my parents were immigrants). My wife handles the finances better than I do, and actually spends more on our son’s education and me than she spends on herself.
I’ve always felt that God gave women a soft spot between their legs so men would have a reason to like them. As long as a man remembers this fact he will understand the true nature of the relation of the sexes. A king is a king because he knkows he is and the princesses in his world will know it as well. After all, it takes a king to make a princess.
I’ve always felt that God gave women a soft spot between their legs so men would have a reason to like them. As long as a man remembers this fact he will understand the true nature of the relation of the sexes. A king is a king because he knows he is and the princesses in his world will know it as well. After all, it takes a king to make a princess.
Let’s start with- I find Asian women, for the most part, physically repulsive. Half-Asian, half anything else oftimes makes for a very attractive package.
Being somewhat physically attracted to your future partner is the first step, else you never make the first approach.
I’m in a mixed marriage- she’s Roman Catholic, I’m not. 34 years this yeaar, all happy ones. Met in January. married in August- when it’s right, you know it’s right. Almost everyone I know who was engaged longer then 3 years was married for a shorter time then they were engaged.
Important- attend pre-cana or your religion’s equivalent. In fact, I would book at a Roman Catholic pre-cana anyhow, even if you were atheist. They are very thorough. And then, PAY ATTENTION. In our case, we learned nothing new about each other, but the priest marrying us required we go through it before he married us. One or two couiples during the course paid attention and broke up. A few others should have. How many kids do want? He: 2 She: 3. He: 2 She: 3 He: Well, I’ll just have myself fixed after 2. She: I hope you love the 3rd as much as if it were your own. True conversation between another couple there. They didn’t pay attention. Ended up divorced. Wasn’t their only obvious conflict.
My two oldsest sons are married. Both to somewhat religious women. Looks like both mariages will last. Unless you are really religious, don’t marry a REALLY religious partner. Your dedication to religion should somewhat match.
No one can guarentee a marriage will wotk out. But, it is usually easy to predict those that will fail. If you had a failed marriage, I’m willing to bet that either your parents, siblings, or friends warned you. And you didn’t listen.
I have a question: What was the priest thinking allowing those two to marry in his church? The man just threatened to mutilate himself in order not to have kids and the woman just threatened to commit adultery. Allowing them to get married would be scandalous, for it sets them up to commit the mortal sins they have threatened to commit.
Who knows what the priest was thinking; it’s a myth that one can grasp the whole story from a one-paragraph paraphrase.
Still, one wishes that the priest informed Mr. Vasectomy and Miss Adulteress that they had then-and-there blurted out grounds for finding any attempt to marry on their part (even with anyone else!) a nullity. Maybe that happened in private discussion with the priest that HH wasn’t privy to.
I am really curious to know how many of the men on here bemoaning how bad American women have become (and in general it’s totally true) are raising their daughters to be the same spoiled princesses?
Unfortunately I bet it is a high percentage. If you guys are honest you know it is true. You allow the wife to treat the daughter(s) as special little angels. “Nothing is too good for my daughter.” “My daughter will never have to do X.” “My daughter gets whatever she wants.” And on and on.
It doesn’t really matter to me, since my personal situation prevents any kind of relationship with women (sigh), so I will remain celibate for the rest of my life. But I still notice this phenomenon of setting up everything to please women, and it is not for our long-term good as a country.
Hey, Don’t blame the moms! We try (daily in my case) to minimize this tendency. Do you ever hear the expression “Momma’s girl” or “Momma’s Little Princess”? Probably not much. There’s a reason for that.
I have always heard that teenage girls are more mature than boys their age. I think it is rather a matter of these girls learning social skills (and, unfortunately, manipulation) at that age, whereas boys may be learning skills that will make money later on (little Albert takes apart a radio in the corner, but he doesn’t have any social skills – as determined by women – when people come over).
The problem is that most girls stay there. They remain 15 in their emotional development (maybe good social skills, but underneath it all is me – me – me). Most men develop very slowly over their life into responsible people. I’ve seen plenty of 40+ women who leech off alimony, child support, the generosity of society and who still seem to be emotional children, versus very few 40+ men who are that way.
Society promotes it. Religious guys promote that kind of behavior in women. Spineless men promote that behavior in women. Women can also easily get their lives paid for.
It’s not going to go away. I don’t even talk to Princesses anymore, not that it makes a difference.
Look at all the supplicant men fawning over women on social media sites. It’s really disgusting. The men may be making a contribution to society (even a tech job and then constant video games make a much larger contribution to society than some parasitic woman getting alimony), but they are fawning away for any scrap of attention from women who are essentially worthless.
1. I married a Wise Filipina. One of the best decisions I ever made. She’s Loyal, Sweet, Smart, just amazing. We have a very loving marriage.
2. I bought a home I could EASILY afford based on just MY income. Also, I got a low fixed rate on it.
3. I’m very selective of the media I watch, and I don’t buy cable.
4. Realize that a Princess at heart wants a REAL MAN. The sh!t tests and attitude are designed to see if you are. If’s she upset with you, most likely you are hitting an Attraction Trigger. Either way, act like it doesn’t matter to you, because it shouldn’t.
Who cares if I’m hitting an attraction trigger? The princess’ obnoxious attitude is something I don’t want to deal with. All you princesses who say, “Men are afraid of commitment,” are wrong: we are perfectly content to commit; we just don’t like you.
“Commitment”? I’ve lived mostly on the West Coast, and heard many tales of California divorce court bandits. How many men are going to be very reluctant to propose after the 10th acquantence says “She just filed for divorce. I never noticed anything, just last night we had a great time in bed and she kissed my good bye this morning, and the locks were changed when I got home.”
Women are generally better than men at hiding emotion or intent. Knowing this, that women are better actors (and considering that men don’t want to see the break up coming anyhow) is it any suprise that men become cautious? Then, there’s the whole “cads and dads” thing.
Married a girl who was one of the oldest of seven kids. This means she learned long ago that she was not the center of attention and that she had others to take care of. In addition, she has a job that involves life and death decisions and telling people, “you are going to die.” Tends to put everything else in perspective.
I think you guys are all missing the point here. The author is fishing for compliments. You are supposed to provide them, not wax rhapsodic about your wives or foreign babes.
Maureen Dowd, the ne plus ultra of princesses, opined that the reason she was not married was because men were threatened by beautiful, brilliant independent women (like herself) and only wanted to marry clingy bimbos. In one fell swoop she insulted every single married woman, liberal or conservative, in the nation. Guys who complain that American women are princesses are, like MoDo, slamming all the married men in America as moronic, whipped or both. Hmm. Do you really want to be on the same page as La Dowd?
Good women, and men, can be found in every country. Try to be worthy of them when the time comes.
[FWIW, I am a gun-toting military-wife homeschooling stay-at-home mom who reacts to feminists like a werewolf to garlic. I have never gotten a mani-pedi in my life. }
As a young – single – American woman, I find the majority of these comments to be both disheartening and disturbing. Like the previous commenter, Leilani, I am self-sufficient, degreed, employed, and generally capable. I am also generally kind, usually respectful (though I subscribe to the belief that you EARN my respect; it’s not automatically granted because you happen to exist), and generous to a fault.
Unfortunately, as per these comments, I am also a fair-haired, pale-eyed, fair-skinned, American-as-apple-pie woman. I don’t possess the exotic looks that seem to have attracted so many of the men here. And, let’s not pretend that that isn’t a significant portion of your marital decision – I have been told, very specifically, that I am not “exotic” enough to date. Should I get plastic surgery? I’ve heard that South Korea is the place to do it – some of the highest rates of cosmetic enhancement in the world. But, I suppose its only American women who have the monopoly on vapidity and narcissism.
And, yes, I am a princess. Born and bred. My parents told me, rightfully, that my standards for a partner should be a person who “worships the ground that I walk on.” They also told me that I would know my partner because I would likewise “worship the ground that he walks on.” Is that so much to ask for? A relationship based on the mutual cherishing of each other? One would imagine that for this to even be possible, one would need to find the good in the other. Unfortunately, it seems as though no one will ever find the good in me (and despite being quite taken with fashion, and luxury – which products I am fully capable of providing myself with, and do, regularly – I still possess SOME good). How could any man find that which is worthwhile in me when he automatically assumes that I am a spoiled, selfish, entitlement obsessed egomaniac? It’s not even worth looking at that point, is it?
I do my best to do my best. I make a conscious effort to act in a virtuous way on a daily basis… Not because I am a Christian – I am not – but because it’s the right way to live. Once, a long time ago, I saw a video of a homeless man being stabbed and people just walked by, leaving him lying on the street to die alone and unnoticed. I made a decision that I would be the person who noticed, and cared, and acted. For all my myriad faults, I am a good person.
But, what does any of that matter if men like you will never bother to afford me even a modicum of interest? You’ve already judged me and found me fundamentally faulty. You see a well-dressed blonde and assume that my interest is in your “fat wallet,” nevermind the fact that my own wallet might be fat enough for my taste. You see that I expect to be treated with decency and humanity and assume that I intend to crush you and your manhood under my stiletto heel. Furthermore, if I dress well then I am shallow. If I dress shabbily, I’m a slob. If I spend money, I am “entitled.” If I save it, I am selfish. I can’t fix a car; I can whip together a five-course meal. I loathe camping and the outdoors and I find it a point of pride to be well-dressed. I like pink things, and elegant things and I would like to make life beautiful for others – as beautiful as I believe it can be.
Yet, in all these instances, the fact remains that as numerous commenters have pointed out: I am neither “real” nor do I have any idea what it means to be a “woman.” So, what on earth am I? A monster?
VAE – as one of the seeming handful of responders here who a) married an American woman and b) have enjoyed and been enriched by the experience, I’ll give it a go.
The problem you face is this: I was stupendously, unbelievably (as in, IMHO, act-of-God level) fortunate in my choice of American woman – again, largely because she, like me, is (and thinks like) an engineer, not a pampered princess from the women’s studies faculty. The reason you can’t seem to find a quality man is that most of your candidate target population has evaluated _their_ available selection pool (that is, you and your female colleagues), and determined that the probability of finding you amongst all the princesses in it is simply no longer worth the effort, cost, and risk. You (singular) are caught in a trap of your (collective gender’s) making, thanks to the gender feminists Who long ago Stole Feminism (http://www.amazon.com/Who-Stole-Feminism-Women-Betrayed/dp/0684801566/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1341100682&sr=8-1&keywords=summers+who+stole+feminism) from the classical feminists seeking genuine equity and chose instead to declare war on men. Welcome to the law of unintended consequences.
We guys are very simple creatures; our brains are fairly straightforward analytical engines. And our mental calculus involved with mate selection can be likened to running a business case analysis. Are the benefits of partnering with a woman worth the cost? Thanks to too many of your sisters, the answer is “no.” See the comments in Dr. Helen’s other threads for insight as to why that might be.
If (God forbid) something were to happen to the Cute Girl and I were on the dating market again, I would despair of finding someone like you – because there are simply far, far too many of the other sort. Which, of course, yet further incentivizes me to treat the Cute Girl like the rarest of diamonds that she is.
Does that help much? Probably not – other than to suggest you make sure you avoid the princesses in your personal cohort of friends, and make it very clear to any guys you might be interested in that you steer clear of such people. Treat men with respect and they’ll gladly lay down their lives for you. But understand many of them will be gun-shy; they’ve seen your colleagues in action.
After reading your whole diatribe you have 2 problems.
1) You’ve been brought up on Feminazi Propaganda.
2) Your a pain in the ass but don’t know it. It drips from your whole post. Your not as charming or down to Earth as you think you are, if you were, you’d have men chasing you. Get a gay friend who will be completely honest with you to critique you or something similar. Obviously you can’t do the Honest Introspection yourself.
I’ve dated many women in my life. What I leaned was that when I raised my standards, demanding that the women I date demonstrate personal responsibility, treat other people with respect, be careful with money, etc, I always found women who met that higher standard. Attractive women. If you don’t waste time on the wrong women, you’re available to meet the better ones.
The other lesson was to learn to be just friends with high quality women. Accept rejection and make the best of the “friend zone”. Desirable women can extend their stamp of approval as they introduce their friends, giving an average guy a leg up in the competition for the best women. A good friend can also warn you of potential problems that could take weeks or months of dating to discover.
I don’t need to be a king. I only need to be a man. I cook. I clean. I wash clothes. I don’t need a woman to do anything for me.
And I certainly won’t have anything to do with a princess, because I’m not a knight in shining armor. I’m just a man.
The real problem here is with the marriage contract. Presumptive paternity and no fault divorce are completely unacceptable. It doesn’t matter if the woman is American or foreign born. That does not change the terms and conditions of the contract.
The marriage contract, as currently written, is a license for betrayal, abandonment and bankruptcy. So it’s no wonder that American men are in such demand. Anyone stupid enough to agree to that deserves what he gets.
I don’t live like a king. I live like a man. And I live very modestly, even though I make a lot of money. I can have sex on any given night in a luxury hotel suite, so the modern American woman or any other woman for that matter has nothing to offer me beyond a one night stand. I don’t need her money. And I can cook a hell of a lot better than she can. Besides, she’s most likely a slob.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, all these guys saying I married a farm girl or I married a foreign woman. Get real. You exposed yourself to betrayal, abandoment and bankruptcy under the guise of making a commitment. How brave of you. Maybe you lucked out. Maybe you didn’t. And if you didn’t, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.
Women are not hard to figure out. Most of them are stupid, spoiled, conceited little girls who never grew up. She wants money, your money. She wants legally guaranteed child support, regardless of who the biological father is (the husband is required to pay child support). And she wants the absolute right to change her mind for any reason, for no reason and leave with half of everything at any time. That’s what the marriage contract allows her. Any man who would agree to that is an idiot.
I have an education. I have a job. I earn a salary. I have a career. I have money.
She has an eduction. She has a job. She earns a salary. She has a career. She has money.
Oh, I’m sure she’s attractive. She’s witty, smart and successful, fun to be around. I know she’s good in bed, when she wants to be. And I’m sure she boosts your ego. So what?
Any man could have everything she has to offer in one night at a hotel.
It’s about the equality, stupid. And now she doesn’t like it. Well, then she can elect legislators who will enact legislation to change the terms and conditions of the marriage contract. Or she can shut up and go to work.
Determinitive paternity, so that no man is required to pay child support for another man’s bastard. Just cause divorce, so that being bored is no longer an excuse. Until or unless such changes are made to the contract, marriage is out of the question.
She thinks she’s a princess? Excuse me, but it was men, particularly her father but also every boyfriend or husband she’s ever had, that fostered her attitude. It’s also men who are either ignorant of the law or refuse to change it that are to blame. She isn’t going to change the law. It gives her power and prestige. Get a clue, boys.
Be polite. Be well dressed, well groomed, and well scented. Be deferential, self-deprecating. Be funny. Then take her to a hotel and screw her brains out. Dump her in the morning. That’s a 21st century relationship if there ever was one, for any man who has a shred of common sense.
The secret to having money is in protecting it. You do that by not exposing yourself to betrayal, abandonment and bankruptcy. You do that by being a man.
If the princesses of the world don’t like it, well then they can change the law. Since they’re not about to do that, they’ll only ever be worth nothing more than a tequila shot, a lie to the face and a one night stand.
Honor ,courage, loyalty, standing up for the weak, passion, discipline, work ethic, sacrifice, be a great father, self control, strength, truthful, compassionate, respectful. These are manly traits. Being a man, has it’s own rewards. You will have true friends, and be respected for who you are. Even princesses respect that.
“Even princesses respect that.”
No they don’t. Stop spreading disinformation.
For all you Real Men out there, here’s a glimpse into what women really think about you (two mommy bloggers discussion) life insurance.
http://www.chicagonow.com/high-gloss-and-sauce/2012/06/if-you-might-die-next-week-and-you-might-read-this/#comments
The first woman was really worried when her husband went on some overnight trip with his buddy. It made her feel better to know that she would get lots of money in life insurance if he died.
The other one compares alternatives – if her husband died, she’d be financially set, but she also will be if he stays alive and works his butt off for the rest of her life to pay for her. So those aspects are equal, but he rubs her feet, so she won’t be hiring anyone to kill him for the insurance money.
I know it’s partially tongue-in-cheek, but at it’s core these ideas are how they really think.
These sit-at-home pigs would NEVER support a man if they had to. It’s a one-way street.
Avoid American women like the plague. That’s how men make it through in one piece. Not because I like it to be honest, but that’s just the way it is. There’s absolutely no incentive to invest in the women in this nation.
By mistake, or unintentionally I’ve built a life that one could call manly. I’m a former Marine. I’m an officer in an exclusively Marine/Navy Corpsman motorcycle club. Just yesterday I drove up to Wisconsin and shot assault rifles with a few buddies. I’m currently a sales professional in the industrial distribution market and have a side business that prints custom T-shirts for mostly other motorcycle clubs and police departments. I would consider that a manly life.
In my 20s I thought it essential to partner up with a success minded, independent, professional women. But time after time, what started as something wonderful would quickly devolve into a very unfulfilling and sometimes hostile relationship. Almost all these achievement driven women had one thing in common. They couldn’t stand men! Especially any that exhibited Alpha qualities. Now I’m not talking about “get in that kitchen and make me sandwich” type behavior. But a guy that was confident in who he was and happy about it. The type of that projected strength in his actions.
I had a rough start in life. I got in more trouble than most people I know. I was expelled from 2 high schools, spent time in halfway houses and foster homes as a teenager. I excelled at the workplace because of hard work and knowledge of the job. More than occasion it was suggested by these very, very smart women that the only reason I got a job or promotion was because of the “Old Boys Club” taking care of one of it’s own. And the thing that really upset them most was the fact that I had the audacity to challenge them categorically as to why they were just plain wrong. I could tell immediately by their shocked and angered face that their genius was never disputed! Especially by a man. Almost all of these women came from stable homes with hard working, down to earth parents. after getting to know many of these women it seemed that many if not all of them contracted these attitudes in college. These attitudes seemed to be reinforced in their adult lives by media and their female colleagues. One in particular was a director of intake at a large substance abuse facility. Every one of her subordinates were male. She even detested working with or for other females because, as she said “they were too catty”. My “uh oh” moment with her was when I realized that she was oblivious to the fact that like her, men were human. She and the others like her that I dated were firmly convinced that men were nothing more that an entity that was created to fulfill every need be it emotional, physical, or material no matter what expense it had on the man. When I had this epiphany with her it was like meeting a person you had longed to meet based on their accomplishments say like an author or athlete only to find out they were abject racist or something equally detestable. After a few of these failed relationships I knew I had to reevaluate what was important. That’s when I met my wife. She possessed all of the qualities of my former girlfriends. She was smart and successful with an eye on always being better and taking on new challenges. She has those qualities but didn’t consider them that paramount. To her, family by far was the center of everything. She believes a relationships strength is rooted in the support and love that is given, by BOTH people. She was raised to believe that being in a relationship meant that you were part of a team and you gave everything of yourself to keep that team strong. For example, early in our marriage a cousin of hers was at our house for a holiday dinner. She and her husband (Beta) were at the table with us and several other relatives. The discussion shifted to my motorcycle club activities (which are mainly comprised of fund raising for disabled vets) and other hobbies. My wife’s shocked cousin hysterically instructed my wife (right in front of me)that I should be devoting all of my free time to my wife and she could find more constructive things for me to do. She added that she would never let her husband (who was sheepishly gazing at the floor) get away with anything like that! Like I always did in past similar instances I was getting ready to unleash a very poignant retort when my wife beat me to the punch. She exclaimed that I was grown man that did things that made him and others happy and why the hell wouldn’t she want that? She said if she wanted that she would have bought a dog! I cracked up!! That is why I married her. She stood up and closed ranks with her spouse and defended him. She’s my hero plain and simple. This was the quality that was absent in all the other women. Previous girlfriends would have agreed with the critique then make a joke about how the Neanderthals couldn’t help it and had to do those stupid childish man things. And like many of the commenters of this article, my wife is not American. She came here at 3 years old from an impoverished area of Guadalajara Mexico. She studied hard, worked hard and is now the director of HR for a large hospice provider. And not once during her life here in the US did she ever agree with the commonly held attitudes toward men that are held by most American born women. To me she is a symbol of strength and inspiration in my life and I in hers. It makes life a lot easier to know that when I go home there is somebody there that has your back as I have hers unconditionally! American men are taught by responsible parents that it is their duty as a man to defend and provide for their wife and children at any and all cost. It’s just a shame that from today’s typical American women are taught mainly to demand such adoration without the inconvenience of reciprocation.
Finally, if I didst act like a man (Alpha)……my wife would kick my ass! LOL
I find the only marry foreign women meme to be a bit insulting. There are over one hundred million women in this country and someone needs to stand up for their honor.
I’m in my 9th year of marriage and we have two children. My wife is a certified professional geologist. She likes to work outside and in the lab. We have similar interests in books and movies. We have long conversations about politics, religion, science. When we disagree we work it out without yelling or needless drama.
When I met her she was a knee-jerk liberal because that was how she was raised. But at her heart she was a science geek. So when I’d ask her “why do you believe or think that,” she would often honestly reply, “because that is what my parents told me to believe.” But over time those conversations lead her to re-think many of those positions. She was prepared to alter her opinions based upon knew information.
And She married me knowing that I was going blind and couldn’t drive a car. She didn’t care.
There is no way to judge all American women as one way or another. That is the type of stereotyping I expect out of a bunch of man-bashing women drunk on a girl’s night out.
**new not knew. D’oh.
“That is the type of stereotyping I expect out of a bunch of man-bashing women drunk on a girl’s night out.”
——-
Yeah, well, either that or there are people here who are noticing a very marked trend in something. One exception or even many exceptions – this one based on your anecdotal statements alone – don’t disprove a statistical trend.
All anyone has been citing is anecdotal.
So here are some facts. All the age groups are counted towards that 50% divorce rate but not all the age groups divorce at the same rate. The youngest group we have solid data for was born in the early 1970′s. And when contrasted by age, the baby boomers have a higher percentage of divorce then their children do.
Marriage can also be controlled for by race and class. A middle class white man has a much lower chance of getting divorced then most other groups.
http://www.census.gov/prod/2011pubs/p70-125.pdf
Manos,
It’s curious how you dismiss what is being said here. Yes, it’s anecdotal, and it’s not a huge swath of men (meaning what it will or will not affect statistically).
However, a few things:
1) When women complain about ill-treatment, it is typical that most people react to “what happened to you” and with empathy. With men, it’s seen as bitter, whining, and dismissed as [x], [y], or [z] – often “that’s YOUR opinion” or “that’s anecdotal”.
It’s a form of dismissal and denial.
2) I have worked for a few companies that were international – meaning they had offices or did work in other countries. The opinions of the American men who were spouting off here is quite common. The opinions of American women were expressed by foreign men quite often.
So – while there are a TON of great gals in the U.S. – the problem is that it’s a game of Russian Roulette for American men. American / Western men dating in a foreign country stand a far greater chance of finding a woman who is a better partner.
3) Does it even occur to you – does it enter your mind : Many of these men, scattered by age and geography, have EXPERIENCE with American women – and it MADE them bitter.
None of us know each other. There is no great conspiracy to bash. We are separated by age, color, median income, and geographies – but the common theme is the entitled, demanding, and self-absorbed attitude that prevails in America of our women.
So – either we all got together and / or had some secret agreement by telepathy – AND we got other men around the world in on this conspiracy
—– OR —–
The perceptions of these men, written with example after example is part of large picture that, while true, is being reacted to bitterly.
And AGAIN : why is it that American men are, generally, PRIZED around the world for being good spouse material – and American women are widely regarded as not being good spouse material?
I’m not sure why you reacted so badly to so many men telling you of their real life experience. Be glad they were willing to share it, because one thing you seemed to have missed: we are willing to tell you why we chose what we chose – but we’ve turned our backs on being berated, chided, nagged, or shamed into dating women we don’t want.
Hope that clarifies.
Steven
You’ve created an elaborate straw man of things I didn’t say and then beat it up. I said that were over 100 million American women and you can’t paint with such a large brush as to say they are all X, Y or Z. You disagree with that? If so you’re the one who believes in conspiracies.
I then used government divorce statistics to show that when you control for factors such as race, income level and generation, the divorce rate goes way down. I cited this evidence in support of the idea that most middle class Gen X American women (and men) can’t be that bad if they don’t end up in divorce as often as we are lead to believe.
You said: “the common theme is the entitled, demanding, and self-absorbed attitude that prevails in America of our women.” I fail to see how this differs between the sexes.
But you aren’t a random sample by any means. You’re most likely regular PJM readers or came to this link via Instapundit. Beyond that you’re probably regular readers of Dr. Smith.
From those factors I can draw a lot of conclusions. People who read this blog are probably decently educated, middle class, white, male and concerned with men’s issues. You put that together and you end up with statements discounting all women in America. Statements that piss me off just as much as male bashing.
Some days are better than others. Like to say I’m always on ‘top’ of things these days, but I’m not. Still, a good confident tone of voice, the readiness to give an ‘Eastwood’ glare helps allot.
I have found over the years that younger American women mostly put on a show, but they want to be submissive to men especially the many that grew up with a single mother. Most older American women (35+) are pretty much a lost cause and best relegated to the “fun” category used for what you can get then tossed. But the younger ones still can be saved if you get them away from the US infection, and since I love the young ones that works for me. Don’t get me wrong I think all women in the US are lost causes due to the way we are set up. Marrying a foreign woman only works for the long term if you stay out of the US – if you bring them here they will absorb the same entitlement mentality.
Of course the US setup is great if all you want is fun, since women pay their own way when trying to hook you. So I enjoy them keeping several on the line, put never make the mistake of settling for one. The deck is stacked against you – so play it to your advantage. It may not be “nice” but nice guys get raked over the coals. You want to be screwed but only in a good way, and that requires playing the game to your advantage…
The key, as a man, is to remain a solid individual with solid goals and a plan for getting there.
That provides you with all the value you need in life. It allows you to go out and fish, hunt, etc., and be content.
A woman can be a wonderful addition to a man’s life. She can provide things (such as femininity) that a man cannot find on his own… however, these things she can provide are only the icing on the cake… the cake does not stand without what’s underneath.
The job for a wedding planner can be difficult, but I think they enjoy it.
Speaking as a woman with what’s been described as “a man’s mind” and has an education in engineering … marry a woman with “a man’s mind.” Then you will get common sense, an understanding that she is not the center of the universe, and someone you can talk with about practical topics such as how to replace the malfunctioning sprinkler system panel. You won’t have to spend much time with a woman to discover whether that’s what her mind is like … but be aware that the outer appearance oftentimes won’t help you with this discernment … some women engineers love Hello Kitty as well as math …
Also, a woman who was raised on a farm or in a small town should be on your short list … those places are natural incubators for sensible good people.
It needs to start with parents. They need to quit buying all the merchandise that encourages girls to pretend they are princesses. There is no such thing, by the way, as merchandise catering to boys who want to be princes.
I evaded all the princesses who wanted my soul.
Then I married a good old-fashioned American christian woman, who had earned a masters degree and supported herself for years before we met.
21 years of joy.
BTW I know a lot of Asian women, they aren’t princesses, they are dragon ladies by and large and they geld their men.
I simply hold women up to the same standards I hold myself up to. Here’s a list of women I refuse to associate myself romantically with on a daily basis:
1. Women who have no jobs
2. Women who have no career-oriented goals
3. Women who do not have their own cash-flow
4. Women who live with their parents
5. Women who are in an academic profession
6. Women who do not make at least 30,000/year
7. Women who do not take care of their bodies
8. Women who do not have respect for the men in their lives
9. Women with children
… and I’m very open with my standards.
As a man, it seems that women don’t actually know what they want.
They claim to want nice, ambitious, well educated guys with a sense of humor who keep themselves fit etc, then they ignore all guys who fit that description and fling themselves at violent stupid thugs. They want to work but then want to be paid to stay home and mind the kids during working hours. They proclaim slogans like “Hand a girl a spanner” but then need a man for the simplest of household maintenance tasks. They call you a pervert for looking at porn, and then claim you’re some sort of religious goody-goody riddled with sexual hang-ups if you don’t.
It’s actually a lot easier to just leave them to it and live your own life without them. My only gripe is that Governments seem to be moving towards increased taxation of males in order to pay for increased female welfare programs. This means that one day, a woman won’t actually need to marry a man to live off him – she will simply receive a government salary for being female. We are already someway down this path.