“But it is important to remember that one’s external appearance is only one part of one’s self, and one aspect of one’s sex appeal.”
So says Vox Day who has quite a nice post up on women who are past their twenties and wonder if their husband will still find them attractive:
What I think the reader in the Hell of the Formerly Cute is missing is that men tend to possess what can be described as an attractional inertia with regards to the women of their youth. It is hard for us to clearly distinguish between the woman that we are with now and the woman that she was twenty years ago, so long as the changes are not too dramatic and thereby create a cognitive dissonance. Not only that, but the history of a couple’s time together plays a big role, to say nothing of the natural chemistry, which doesn’t necessarily change with age. An objective observer might claim she is not as beautiful as she was when we met, and yet I find her every bit as attractive as I did then, if not more so. It’s not that I can’t see the little changes that age has wrought, but I have to make a conscious effort to notice them. For the most part, I see her simply as who she is, the same slender, pretty blonde that she always has been.
I thought this point that Vox Day made was interesting:
This is why it is so tragic when women, particularly women over thirty, cast aside their husbands in search of something better. Because no matter whom they meet, no one will ever look at them again through love goggles, which like beer goggles, tend to make a man see a woman through a soft and flattering lens as her mythical and eternally youthful self rather than the harsh, objective light of reality.
That is good news for me to hear today as it is my 18th anniversary with my husband Glenn and 22 years that we have been together. However, I must say that there has not been a day that I felt my husband did not find me attractive or care for me. But maybe it’s those love or beer goggles or whatever that Vox Day describes. All I can say is that it’s been quite a journey and I hope it never ends.
Congratulations on your 18th anniversary. My wife and I are just past 22 years ourselves and I can’t imagine life without her.
What I have discovered, is that young men do not appreciate the beauty of a woman! I looked back at our wedding pictures from 34 years ago, and I was astonished at how beautiful my wife was then. She is still beautiful, but I honestly had not been in awe of her looks then, as I am looking at her pictures now.
34 years ago all your wife’s girlfriends and classmates were young and pretty. But today you only have a 34-year old photo of your wife as a young woman.
Think about it.
I have been divorced from my first wife for 34 years, after an 18 year marriage. My second marriage did not turn out well and I was divorced again. After that, my first wife and I dated for a while. I still find her attractive considering her age of 72 and we are friends. I got over my resentment of things that led to the divorce but I don’t think she could ever put it behind her. Nothing came of the time we spent together after the divorces. She is alone but seems to like it. Our sons do not get along with her very well and she was having trouble with our oldest who was 13 at the divorce. She couldn’t handle his teenage desire for independence. Anyway, he is 47 and has a family. She likes to see her grandchildren but her relationship is distant.
She was an only child of upper middle class parents who traveled the world and had many rich and famous friends. I still think this had something to do with the whole situation. I liked her parents very much and stayed friends with them after the divorce. I just wonder if it is a thing with only children.
Pretty soon none of it will matter but it is a bit of a puzzle.
It’s an only-child girl thing.
Unless they finally figure out how to make us live forever, it will end. Hopefully it will be another 50-60 years in death do you part. Best blogging duo that I know of, even if they are completely separate.
Congratulations!
Congratulations on your 18th anniversary!!! My hat’s off to you both!
Congratulations!
“All I can say is that it’s been quite a journey and I hope it never ends.”
What a wonderful thing to be able to honestly say!!
Congratulations to you and the insta-husband!
WRT the title, I think it better to clarify it:
There are _some_ things that can compensate for, er… less than ideal physical appearance. Growing old together is one of these things, as proven by the experience of the ages. “A great personality” is an important part of one’s self, and it makes it easier to grow old together, but by itself does not increase sex appeal.
Congratulations to you all! My wife and I are coming to 13 years, and my only regret (besides when I am grumpy) is that I did not meet and marry her sooner. I am not sure about the love goggles, but my wife is a woman of character and a wonderful sense of humor. She is attractive and sexy and a great mother. She is bacon on two legs. 8) I will have to let her read that one! But congratulations, America needs more intact families.
Trey
I am always amazed that women do not find themselves to be attractive at any and every age assuming that they are somewhat physically fit. My wife was 110 lbs at 5’2″ age 30 and now she is 140 at age 60 but still very sexy when she goes to bed and when she gets up. And she is hot hot hot when she she dolls herself up. Sometimes I like to just lie there very late and simply listen to her breathe. My father died after he and my mother had been married for 56 yrs. She gave it a year of being alone and going to grief counseling. Then one day she got up and joined an all men’s club (Kiwanis). Two years later she was President, had increased the membership to 20% women and had 3 marriage offers on the table. What are you looking for Mom? Cute funny financially independent and not to sexually aggressuve. One year later she was sitting on the couch in her living room with a somewhat shy gleam in her eye very close and holding hands with pink blushing cheeks. They celebrated their very first birthday together on the same day: 7/4. She 76. He 80.
As for you and your Glenn Dr. Helen, you are a very attractive couple. And apart from that you are an absolute knockout. And then on top of even that remembering that the greatest erogenous zone is the brain, i probably don’t know the half of it given how smart you both are and of course I shouldn’t. But I do know that if you don’t use it you lose it. So .. . . . . here’s to having a LOT of fun. And remember, it is healthy.
If anyone asks, I always tell them to be like me and have the good sense to not waste time – marry your trophy wife on the first go round. We just celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary.
Sorry I missed this. Happy Anniversary to you and Instapundit! ‘Agree that you two are probably the best blogging couple out there.
Congratulation on your 18th anniversary. I hope you have another 50.
When I see a beautiful woman in her 20s, I notice how beautiful and sexy she it. When I see a beautiful woman in her 30s or later, I notice her, of course, but I wonder what she is like and what her life is like. Which do you ladies prefer?
“Because no matter whom they meet, no one will ever look at them again through love goggles, which like beer goggles, tend to make a man see a woman through a soft and flattering lens as her mythical and eternally youthful self rather than the harsh, objective light of reality.”
——
I don’t really buy that, because I see women at any age manipulating men (as long as the men subject to the manipulation are her age or older).
These women can no longer manipulate *younger* men as well, it’s true, but men their age seem to continue with the “soft and flattering lens” that her husband or ex-husband may have.
But I guess if Vox Day wants to pander to a particular target group, it apparently worked.
Aside from that, I used to think the random article I read from “Vox Day” was good. I now went to his site and read through lots of his articles. I think he is very heavily hung up on religion, and that overshadows his otherwise seemingly logical points.
Hung up on religion? I resemble that remark! Just joking with you, but a couple of us who are serious about our spirituality are really OK people.
Trey
“Spirituality” is not congruent with “religion”.
Congratulations on your 18th anniversary and wish you many more to come.
Congratulations!!!
I dated a woman for a while who’s grand-parents celebrated their 80th anniversary – for their 75th they met the Queen of England since they were both Canadian. It was an all expenses paid trip by England. He was 98 and she 95 when they celebrated their 80th anniversary – they were married in 1910.
I suspect one of the reasons they flew them to England is that these days there are no couples that have been together that long, with the combination of divorce, and tendency to delay marriage, not to mention the “legal age” at which you can marry today. I got along well with her grand-father, he literally built the house they lived in and still lived in. It started as two rooms, and was at the time of their 80th anniversary quite large – but he built it with his bare hands. Every inch of the place had a history – so different from today, where nothing is permanent.
Eyes count. I cannot help but notice web images of “Instawife” are far more fetching than those of “Dr. Helen Smith,” albeit they’re alleged to be the same female. If spouse finds you sexy no other opinion has weight.
Congratulations and best wishes to you both!
Congratulations on #18, and may there be lots more where those came from.
The Cute Girl has put up with me for a few months shy of 32 years (36, if you count dating in college), and I can honestly say that to this old codger, she’s never been more beautiful. Part of that is the smile that still turns me into a puddle of grinning goo when she hits me with it, but a vital part of it is that she possesses, in spades, the five characteristics identified by Tom Stanley (“The Millionaire Next Door,” “The Millionaire Mind”) as the consistently-recurring foundational characteristics for successful long-term marriages: honest, responsible, loving, capable, supportive.
I was once paid a very high compliment by a group of (considerably younger) female work colleagues; one of them said “this is the man you should pattern your husbands on.” I was quite flattered, but wasn’t quick enough on the draw to respond with the obvious corollary: “if true, then are you prepared to pattern yourself on the Cute Girl? It takes two to tango.” One wonders how many women would. Sadly, these days, I fear the number is not large – as evidenced by the harsh experiences of a lot of your commenters in other threads. (Recalls Proverbs 31:10-31)
Congratulations, Dr. Helen; I’d say you’re on track for 50+.
As are my wife and I (together 42 years, married 37). I just emailed her a link to this article.
Thanks!
I wish I’d seen this back when it first ran.
After a few years, beauty is no longer in the eye of the beholder, it is in the heart of the beholder.
If nothing pushes it out.
There’s empirical evidence to support Vox Day’s remarks. In the brain, the amygdala associates ones visual recognition of a person with the emotional response one has to that person. Thus, as Vox Day noted, “the history of a couple’s time together plays a big role” in shaping a man’s perception of his wife’s beauty.
The most attractive and sexy aspect of any woman is her eyes and smile – the smile that says “Yes” and “I want you.” The eyes and smile do not age. As long as a woman can look at her husband like that, he will always find her to be attractive and desirable, even if her body below the neck has changed over the years.