President Barack Obama says the nation doesn’t have a spending problem. In related news, Lindsay Lohan says she doesn’t have a drinking problem. And Baby-8 Hernandez from that trailer park just outside of Fresno says he doesn’t have a meth problem, he’s just stocking up on sudafed in case he gets a really bad cold (that lasts for a very long time).
In a recent press conference, President Obama declared that Republicans who want to cut spending were trying to hold a gun to our heads and take the country hostage in order to demand a ransom.
Meanwhile, Mel Gibson said that the Jews were causing all the wars in the world, and Baby-8 Hernandez complained that federal agents were listening in on his thoughts through a device they’d secretly implanted in his eyeball.
President Obama has declared that he can refuse to enforce laws passed by Congress if he doesn’t agree with them, that he can implement energy law through the EPA overriding the decisions of the courts, and that he can break federal law to help save his campaign contributors money. He also feels he doesn’t have to negotiate with House Republicans on spending issues but expects to simply get everything he wants while offering nothing in return.
In a similar statement, Charlie Sheen declared he was a total rock star from Mars, that his brain was not from this terrestrial realm, and that he had magic and poetry in his fingertips because he was an F-18 with tiger’s blood and Adonis DNA. Winning.
Under Barack Obama, our catastrophic national debt has increased by about 60% with government medical costs boosted by Obamacare threatening to soon devour nearly a third of the budget yet, in his State of the Union address, Obama said the work of fixing the debt problem is almost complete.
On hearing these remarks, Baby-8 Hernandez responded: “That dude’s crazy. He must be on something.”