LEFTY ARCHEOLOGISTS FIND THE ‘REAL’ CONSTITUTION: Leave it to Jeff Dunetz of The Lid to dig up this bombshell of a story about a group of whacked-out archeologists’ discovery of the Constitution of 1790.

They found it in a cave on the Potomac River. Scrawled on one of the walls was a wise saying written in something of an ancient, as-yet-untranslated language. See if you can figure it out: “Etslay Ogay Andonbray”