DEAR BABYLON BEE, STOP PUBLISHING TOMORROW’S NEWS TODAY: Bill Gates Warns Of The Sacrifices We’ll Have To Make In Stirring Speech Given From His 650 Million Dollar Super Yacht.
Or at least let us have the time machine. We want to go back to 2000. We have plans. So many plans.*
*We promise not to blend any past-puppies. Or step on butterflies.**
** We might be lying about the butterflies, but seriously. How could 2020 get any worse?