INEZ STEPMAN: Contra your neighborhood hipster bar, there is no such thing as “craft vodka.”

Plus: “Now, I realize the French have made quite a reputation for themselves in matters of gastronomy and intoxication. Their wine, their cheese, their duck confit; far be it from me to push the people out of their well-deserved lane. To be honest, their accomplishments generally outshine my own hereditary Slavs in that department. But vodka, vodka we know.”