NEW FROM BURGER KING, THE AOC BURGER! Burger King debuts a Whopper made from cows who burp less methane.

“We set a goal to get to net-zero, rather than zero emissions, in 10 years because we aren’t sure that we’ll be able to fully get rid of farting cows and airplanes that fast,” Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez’s Green Nude Eel ghostwriter and former chief of staff Saikat Chakrabarti* famously wrote a million years ago in early 2019. Covid has wrecked the latter half of that goal; apparently hoping that the mob will devour them last, Burger King is taking up the udder other half.

In more satirical news from the world of America’s Socialist “It Girl” and food: The AOC Cookbook: My adobo recipe. “When Cockburn heard that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was calling for a boycott of Goya, he wondered what the dead Spanish painter had done wrong. Fortunately, a member of the Latinx community was on hand to explain in non-gendered grammar that it’s Goya foods that we must shun.”

* Flashback: AOC chief of staff criticized for wearing shirt touting Nazi collaborator.