UTTERLY BELIEVABLE AND YOU’RE A RACIST IF YOU DOUBT IT: Disheveled And Covered In $100 Bills, Bernie Sanders Claims He Was Attacked By A Group Of Billionaires.

Sanders said he was out in the streets of Reno at 2 a.m. to purchase a can of beans to eat when suddenly he was approached by two billionaires in ski masks and expensive tailored suits who shouted, “This is billionaire country!” The billionaires began pelting Sanders with stacks of one hundred dollar bills while yelling derogatory things at him, like, “You’re just a millionaire; that’s only one step above being poor!”

“Billionaires are a menace!” yelled a shaking Sanders to a crowd of supporters. “They’re after me, and they must be stopped!”

Some have questioned the details of the attack, as it was extremely unusual for Sanders to still be up at 2 a.m., since he usually goes to bed at 6 p.m. after his 4 p.m. dinner.

Ouch.