FINALLY: Coldplay Won’t Tour Because It’s Killing the Planet or Something.

But they shouldn’t stop there, of course. Refusing to tour is a good first step toward saving our planet, but it’s not nearly enough. The band should quit making music entirely. I’m not exactly sure how much carbon is produced by recording and releasing music in 2019, but I doubt you can plant trees quickly enough to offset it. Even if you just count the carbon dioxide that’s released whenever Chris Martin opens his gob to sing, that’s tipping the balance. Gaia can’t take much more of it, and neither can lovers of good music.

Save the planet, Coldplay. Go away!

Hopefully this will start a trend — Hollywood and the news industry could really learn from these guys.