I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER GODDAMN THING ABOUT MY CARBON FOOTPRINT: David Attenborough: upper-class warrior. “So a man who has clocked up more air miles than the average African dictator is deeply concerned that your once-a-year package holiday to Spain is destroying the planet. If Attenborough had his way, a certain class of people (by coincidence, his class) would be allowed to jet around the world enjoying themselves, while others would be restricted from doing so.”

I’ll believe it’s a crisis when the people who keep telling me it’s a crisis start acting like it’s a crisis — by making any sort of actual personal sacrifice at all.