January 18, 2019

WOMAN DIDN’T KNOW PROGRESS ON TOXIC MASCULINITY WOULD TURN BOYFRIEND INTO SUCH A WEEPY LITTLE PANSY:

Expressing disbelief at her romantic partner’s dramatic behavioral shift, local woman Emily Kittleson, 30, told reporters Friday that she had not expected her boyfriend’s attempts to recognize and curtail toxic masculinity would eventually turn him into a “weepy little pansy.” “Christ, I know the dope is trying to be conscious of the effects of his words and actions and to be more open and honest with his emotions, but there’s got to be a limit,” said Kittleson of her boyfriend Shane Magnusen, 31, whose efforts to reject toxic masculinity have begun to irritate her as she claims he has evolved into “a fragile fucking flower about everything” in recent weeks.

Whoa, when did the Onion stop being satire?

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