January 15, 2019

LET THEM EAT BIG MACS — WHY TRUMP GETS AMERICA:

INT – APARTMENT – AFTERNOON

JESSICA (Harvard ’09, JP Morgan ’10 to ’12, Obama White House Staffer ’13 to ’16) is returning to her Georgetown apartment after her morning Tibetan throat singing class. There is a yoga mat under her arm. She shares the apartment, and a lovingly open relationship with ZAK (Columbia ’10, Senior Green Urban Planning Correspondent at Vox.com, Fellow of the Aspen Institute for Ideas ’14 to ’17), who is blogging at their Hygge-influenced open-plan kitchen. JESSICA looks visibly disturbed.

ZAK

Honey, what is it, is everything OK?

JESSICA

It’s… It’s…

ZAK

Don’t worry about the Whole Foods delivery. It came just after you left. The chia seeds, flax seeds, pea protein, dried goji berries, resistant potato starch, turmeric powder, and collagen hydrolysate were all in there. They even remembered the coconut oil this time!

JESSICA

No it’s not that.

ZAK

What is it?

JESSICA

It’s Trump… Did you see what he did this time?

ZAK

The Big Macs?

JESSICA begins to ‘literally shake’. Her yoga mat falls to the floor and unfurls.

JESSICA

Not just the Big Macs… He put packets of Hot Mustard sauce in the Eleanor Roosevelt silver servewear… Zak, I – I don’t think…

ZAK pushes back on his chair and slowly runs both hands through his hair. He gets up and hugs JESSICA.

ZAK

It’s going to be fine baby. Just remember your breathing exercises, OK? Alternate nostril breathing, just like you were doing this morning, OK?

JESSICA begins to weep.

Read the whole thing. (The fictional Jessica would really dive for the fainting couch if she discovered that Franklin and Eleanor would have loved what Trump did yesterday.)

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