IN THE FUTURE, EVERYONE WILL BE NAPOLEON FOR 15 MINUTES: Love at First Light! Woman Gets Engaged to Her Chandelier: ‘I Love Kissing and Cuddling Lumiere.’

What Is Objectum Sexual (OS)?

Sometimes referred to as objectophilia, OS has to do with the attraction and commitment to inanimate objects and is thought to be related to the autism spectrum, an antisocial personality disorder, or past trauma.

However, Erika Eiffel, a San Francisco woman married to the Eiffel Tower, disagrees.

“OS people have a spectrum just as society does from one extreme to the next. It’s a misconception that OS people only love objects and cannot relate to people on any level,” she wrote in an interview with support group Objectum-Sexuality Internationale. “The reality is, most OS people are social but choose not to expose themselves to public scrutiny and jeopardize the balance they have established.”

Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, 54, of Sweden is also known in the OS community for having married the Berlin Wall.

Well, it’s nice to see someone who loves lamp more than Brick Tamland of Anchorman, I guess. But the ghosts of the Weimar Republic just called and said, “Oy, and we thought we were meshugenah.”