DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION! “Buying Organic Groceries in Brooklyn Can Be a Serious Trial:”

Brooklyn may have the only grocery store in the country that puts its customers on trial.

The Park Slope Food Coop, founded in 1973, is a neighborhood institution known for its deadly serious dedication to organic produce and egalitarian values. Its 17,000 members are required to work 2¾ hours every four weeks in exchange for crunchy camaraderie and discounted groceries.

Over the years, the store has weathered its share of publicity for fighting over topics like the ethics of tuna harvesting. Recently, when one such dispute about Middle Eastern politics spiraled out of control, four members found themselves facing judgment before a jury of their peers, accused of being, well, uncooperative.

The co-op’s parallel criminal-justice system has its own peculiar lingo. Juries, dubbed “hearing and deciding groups,” are selected at random from the co-op membership. Members of a disciplinary committee build cases, which are presented by the “co-op advocate,” effectively a lead prosecutor. Judges are known as “hearing officers,” and the judicial process is overseen by a “hearing administration committee.”

Members caught in the crosshairs are given a choice: an arbitration, in essence a bench trial, or judgment by a jury of their peers. A writer from the Linewaiters’ Gazette, the co-op newspaper, serves as court reporter.

Such proceedings carry the mild title of “hearings.” Rhudi Andreolli, who stood accused in April of “extremely uncooperative behavior,” called it something else.

“It was a freaking trial,” she said.

Hey, socialism invariably leads to show trials, but some people need to learn that the hard way.