THE DOWNSIDE OF COHABITING BEFORE MARRIAGE?

In a nationwide survey conducted in 2001 by the National Marriage Project, then at Rutgers and now at the University of Virginia, nearly half of 20-somethings agreed with the statement, “You would only marry someone if he or she agreed to live together with you first, so that you could find out whether you really get along.” About two-thirds said they believed that moving in together before marriage was a good way to avoid divorce.

But that belief is contradicted by experience. Couples who cohabit before marriage (and especially before an engagement or an otherwise clear commitment) tend to be less satisfied with their marriages — and more likely to divorce — than couples who do not. These negative outcomes are called the cohabitation effect.

But note that things are changing. Helen and I cohabited before marriage, and both of us had done so with others previously. Personally, I think it was helpful but then that’s me, refusing to accept settled science — I guess they’ll call me a “cohabitation effect denier” now. . . .