Last week I played “Brick House,” and if you’re anything like me it got you to wondering, “What is the exact opposite of ‘Brick House’?” And even if you’re nothing like me, I present to you this evening what is mathematically proven to be the exact opposite of “Brick House.”

Here we have the best of the worst of the ’70s in all its decadent glory.



Fake studio “band?”


Hook by what sounds like a Playskool™ instrument?


Needlessly long remix?


Every bit of newfangled-for-the-time video trickery?

Check, check, and CHECK.

The clothes… I won’t even talk about the clothes.

Special bonus: Blonde lead singer with a hairstyle halfway between Dorothy Hamill and Farah Fawcett. I realize that’s mathematically impossible, but then you look at her.

Folks, you can’t buy that much cheese with government money.