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The PJ Tatler

by
Scott Ott

Bio

June 23, 2014 - 8:39 am

What if you could make one simple decision, a minor change in personnel policy, that would, according to one top expert, “pay great returns,” and make your workers happier? You’d do it in a heartbeat, wouldn’t you?

You’re always looking for a way to invest your business capital to maximize returns, and you’ve overlooked this simple adjustment — a change you could implement today.

Here is the direct quote from top expert Valerie Jarrett, about this technique:

But we also know what a good investment in our workforce it would be if they had paid leave, and that investment will pay great returns.

That’s right, President Obama’s adviser, Valerie Jarrett, recommends that you give paid leave to every mother of a newborn. At this point, you’re smiting your own forehead, and wondering how you missed this ROI opportunity, aren’t you? Talk about “things I didn’t learn in business school”! Yes, that’s right, by paying people to stay away from their jobs, your business can harvest “great returns.”

President Obama went even further in a CNN interview, noting that in 1998, when Malia was born, he took a month off. In addition to the “precious memories” he garnered from the paternal bonding time, the people of his Illinois state Senate district undoubtedly felt the surge in productivity from their senator.

Barack Obama with daughter Malia in 1998

President Obama shown with his infant daughter during his monthlong hiatus from the Illinois state Senate, a leave of absence that must have measurably increased his productivity.

If paid leave for the mother of a newborn can goose the bottom line, paid leave for the baby Daddy should double, at least, the “great returns” you’ll reap.

Some critics slam the president as out-of-touch with working Americans and ignorant of what it takes to run a business. Certainly this news will stop the mouths of those cynics, while it lines the pockets of the one-percenters (AKA small business owners) who choose to grant paid leave to parents of newborns.

Only the ignorance among businesspeople of the “great returns” available from such policies has prevented them from cashing in until now.

But don’t worry, you won’t be left out of this investment opportunity, because President Obama wants to make sure you experience those “great returns,” by mandating that you pay parents of newborns to go home for weeks of generating “precious memories.”

Scott Ott co-hosts a news, commentary and humor show called Trifecta on PJTV. He created and hosted the 20-part series on the Constitution titled Freedom's Charter. His satire site, ScrappleFace, spawned three books and praise from Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Mark Levin and many others.

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Top Rated Comments   
When my children were newborns in their turns, I admit that the idea of paid family leave until they started sleeping through the night sounded good to me. Very good.
Now back to reality.
It may be true that an employee who receives consideration from the employer will return that consideration with loyalty and with improved value on the job. That's awfully hard to measure with any rigor. And the expense of paid family leave for considerable periods would need a loooong payback time. For some businesses, it's hard even to welcome someone back after a long absence, let alone to pay for that absence.
We can't all leave our posts and get kidnapped by Taliban, after all.
14 weeks ago
14 weeks ago Link To Comment
All Comments   (10)
All Comments   (10)
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When Prez. O baby dotter born, he took a whole month off.
When Prez. O elected president in 2008, he took the next 4 years off.
Came back rested and won again in 2012, so he's taking the next 4 years off.
Will be ready for 2017 when he can take the rest of his life off.

Barack Obama: not to be confused with the late James Brown, AKA "The hardest working man in America".
13 weeks ago
13 weeks ago Link To Comment
I'll never understand how my children grew up to be decent productive members of society..... When the girls were born, I was still in college. Granted, I strategized to take easier classes that semester, but missing classes that close to graduation was still a no-no. The oldest was a C-Section on Wednesday night and I was sitting in class on Monday morning- not easily, but I was there. 2nd daughter was a normal birth on Friday afternoon - I was in class on Monday morning to complete my last two weeks of student teaching. When the boys came along, I was teaching full time. Our older boy was a C-Section and Wednesday was an early release day for Easter - I was in my classroom on Tuesday morning - we still got Holy Monday in those days. The youngest was a normal birth on the first Saturday morning of Spring Break and I was back at work on time with the rest of the staff.

I never thought that I should have extra time off.... nor would I have considered asking for it. I was raised that when you sign a contract, you meet that expectation. If you can't meet that expectation, you turn in your notice and let someone else do the job you can't.

Employers are not our parents and I am not their responsibility. They only owe me the wage I agreed to accept for the job they hired us to complete. If they offer extra perks, then it's up to them and their best interests.

AND - we need to get rid of as many of these mandates, unions and such as possible. Individuals should have the right to negotiate the best possible agreement with a potential employer without anyone else's interference. The benefits that are important to me, are likely not those that are important to other people.

At the end of the day - I can't say enough about the freedom of working for yourself, having NO employees and choosing how you use your capital in your own best interests.
14 weeks ago
14 weeks ago Link To Comment
No, this is a great idea!

This will encourage childbearing, and all those little ones will become future taxpayers to support us old geezers!

Woo! Hooo!

/snarc
14 weeks ago
14 weeks ago Link To Comment
Sadly this is the truth and not a Scrappleface article. Such stupidity should be forbidden but it's still America for a bit longer.

14 weeks ago
14 weeks ago Link To Comment
When my children were newborns in their turns, I admit that the idea of paid family leave until they started sleeping through the night sounded good to me. Very good.
Now back to reality.
It may be true that an employee who receives consideration from the employer will return that consideration with loyalty and with improved value on the job. That's awfully hard to measure with any rigor. And the expense of paid family leave for considerable periods would need a loooong payback time. For some businesses, it's hard even to welcome someone back after a long absence, let alone to pay for that absence.
We can't all leave our posts and get kidnapped by Taliban, after all.
14 weeks ago
14 weeks ago Link To Comment
And in my experience, actual appreciation by an employee for a benefit is rare. It generally just leads them to expect more.
14 weeks ago
14 weeks ago Link To Comment
In some countries, parents of newborns get as much as a year off to "bond with the baby". These countries vary somewhat in how they give leave: some give it to just the mother, some give both parents an equal amount off; some let the mother and father have up to a year off between them where the parents decide how long each of them stays off as long as the total between mother and father doesn't exceed a year.

This seems like a pretty strong incentive to hire people that are past child-bearing years or that are certain they aren't having any more kids. But even that wouldn't guarantee anything; some countries give similar leave for adoptions and any married couple, even gay ones, could adopt at any time.
14 weeks ago
14 weeks ago Link To Comment
And those countries rank *where* in GDP??
14 weeks ago
14 weeks ago Link To Comment
They're mostly Western European welfare states, so actually high GDP compared to the world, middling compared to the US. But their high-appearing GDP supports less of a standard of living than it probably would in the US -- smaller housing units, for example, few single-family homes, and other constraints because of the nanny-state's costs and its stifling power.
14 weeks ago
14 weeks ago Link To Comment
And the only ones that are not awash in red ink are the countries that have a huge source of outside income, e.g., Norway's oil money or Switzerland's banking industry.

In other words, WE are paying for this nonsense.
14 weeks ago
14 weeks ago Link To Comment
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