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The PJ Tatler

by
Bryan Preston

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December 6, 2013 - 11:39 am

The bra of the future won’t just hold, lift and separate. It will monitor emotions and moods and prevent its wearer from “emotional overeating,” according to the male engineers at Microsoft.

Alerts from the wearable technology would be constantly refined by user feedback, enabling the bra to improve its ability to read a specific person’s feelings, InformationWeek reported Thursday.

Microsoft researchers worked with the University of Rochester and Britain’s University of Southampton on the project, attempting to associate emotions with poor eating habits and to determine whether wearable devices can help reduce the resulting weight gains.

A wearable smart bra was chosen primarily because it allows sensors to be placed near the heart, the researchers said, but follow-up research is intended to yield more gender-neutral devices such as bracelets.

The toilet of the future will play doctor. And probably rat you out, if you didn’t listen to your smart bra.

[T]he Wellbeing Toilet aims to change habits, and push users into better posture.

It also analyzes your pee. “It’s what you’d get if you go to the doctor now, and you need to be checked for diabetes or kidney disease and they check things like the phosphates in the urine,” Sheard says. “In the U.K., many people with diabetes are diagnosed late, which adds billions of pounds a year in health costs.” By checking up on users, the toilet aims to help catch diseases earlier.

And email your local Obamacare Community Navigator. The article doesn’t say that. It doesn’t have to. Once the government grants itself the power to force you to buy products, and decides that it can track your position through your phone 24/4, it’s not too great a leap to keeping a database on your pee and poo. Big Bro will know more about you, through what you do in the loo.

One thing neither of the linked articles gets to is security. Where there’s “smart” technology and a signal being sent somewhere, there’s the potential for hacking. This is not some paranoid vision. “Smart” toilets have already been hacked in Japan.

By using an Android app called ‘My Satis’ over a Bluetooth connection, users can raise and lower the lid, operate a bidet function and flush the toilet.

While this might perhaps seem like a good idea, a pin for the Bluetooth app is set at ’0000′ and can therefore be used by anyone – even remotely.

Trustwave therefore believes that this could leave toilet users open to attacks by mischievous technophiles.

Ha ha. But just imagine what nerds who can’t work a clasp can do with smart bras.

Bryan Preston has been a leading conservative blogger and opinionator since founding his first blog in 2001. Bryan is a military veteran, worked for NASA, was a founding blogger and producer at Hot Air, was producer of the Laura Ingraham Show and, most recently before joining PJM, was Communications Director of the Republican Party of Texas.

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A toilet that comments on my health will get the same response as the one a while back that was supposed to shame men into sitting down for #1.

You'd be surprised how hard I can swing a pipe wrench.
19 weeks ago
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