Am I dreaming?
Maybe or maybe not, but either way this Electoral College map from Examiner.com is based largely on projected results from UnSkewed Polls.com and some other astute analysis.
Upon seeing this map, I immediately knew it was time for another world famous Tatler Photo Caption Contest.
Since this past Sunday when Charlie Martin wrote about UnSkewed Polls.com on this very same PJ Tatler and then the Drudge Report linked to Martin’s piece, UnSkewed Polls has been quite the rage.
You can think of UnSkewed Polls as the web site equivalent of Advil. You take the site two times a day for relief from all the aches and pains caused by ingesting data from the usual polls, skewed by the oversampling of Democrats, resulting in depressing supporters of Team Romney.
Warning label: Taking UnSkewed Polls twice daily may cause delusions and euphoria.
So ignoring the warning label, here is my entry: President Obama did not build this map and has canceled the election.
Lame, so lame and I know Tatler readers can do MUCH better.
(Actually, one could say President Obama’s policies did build it, but this is not part of my “official” entry.)
The winning caption writer will, as always, receive priceless PR in a future post.
Now, proceed immediately to your keyboard and submit a creative caption worthy of this Electoral College map projecting a solid red Romney romp.
For any reader new to our world famous Tatler Photo Caption Contests there are only two rules, “be nice and stay classy” because “the media” is watching.
Yes, THEY ARE watching, because if these projections ARE accurate, “the media,” (along with a ton of polling companies) will be out of business on Wednesday, November 7th – or probably trying to convince the American people that Romney stole the election.
Good luck and don’t get too cocky because all the red states on this map are only reflections of 2012 “hope” triumphing over 2008 “change.”
Caption:
“World ends — media and Julia hit hardest”.
By Executive Order, the President of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama, declares that Red, including all its shades and hues, is Blue and thus claims victory with 301 electoral votes.
By sheer coincidence, the redder states suffered massive power blackouts and road closures on Nov. 6, by order of the President of the United States.
President Obama now hoping victory is to be found in the remaining seven states.
Red makes O blue.
If it’s not close, they can’t cheat.
“RED” – Isn’t that now now considered a “RACIST” color?
Unexpectedly!
And while not pithy enough for a caption, perhaps it could be an accompanying jingle:
Romney is Red;
Obama is Blue.
On the sixth of November
The polls take you!
Caption: Axelrod to Obama: ” We’re skewed!”
Americans unexpectedly more racist than in 2008, Chris Matthews unexpectedly wets pants
Vote Obama and his climate change policies will ensure these unusually cold Sept. temps will become a thing of the past.
Obama built that
After her spirited Democratic convention performance, few are surprised when former Gov. Granholm occupies the Secy. of State’s Office and refuses to allow Michigan to close its polls.
“President Obama declared today that his defeat in the general elections is just a bump in the road to his second term.”
“where are the other 7 state”
Barry Obama
1)Obama quakes in Mideast cause landslide in US.
2)Obama no budget economy unexpectedly turns off majority of voters.
3)Hysterical blindness disease hits ObamaMedia, no longer can see red or pink.
4)Unskewered Polls predicts Romney rout, ObamaMedia readies new double mileage race card.
5)ObamaMedia girds itself for the Mother of All “Tantrums”.
6)Eric Holder orders all shish kebabs to be seized, unskewered poles prosecuted nationwide.
7) Obama dismisses Unskewered Polls map, says seven states are missing.
8)Unskewered polls released, coincides with White House lawn sale. Bloody hand flags, Che posters, faux Greek columns and fake presidential seals, empty chairs on sale, cheap.
9)Medvedev knee patted, ultimate flexibility coming this term.
10)Lech Walesa and the real Unskewered Poles get ready to celebrate return of an old friend.
11)Bitter clingers help Obama remember the amount the national debt.
12)”Where there is no guidance, a nation falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” Never again,…us either. Welcome back, Israel.
Obama “Damn you Bush, you screwed America again”
Red states are red,
Blue states are blue.
Obamas head
For Honolulu.
Burma Shave.
Red is for Commies, remember? Red China, etc . . .
Red States Rock! Blue States Feeling Blue!
Red States Rock! The Rest Sing the Blues!
“Michelle, pack your clothes & get the kids ready. We’re taking all the vacations we can before Jan 20!”
“I was confident the American people would not take what would be an unprecedented, extraordinary step of overturning my Presidency elected by a strong majority of a democratically-voting public.”
“Hot dog! Nothin’ but golf & beer summits for 2½ months!”
A bitter clinging to guns & religion.
“David, get Rahm on the phone. See if he has a couple of Vice-Mayor openings.”
“Whew! At least I won’t catch anymore grief for not attending those useless intel briefings!”
MSNBC reports today that Chris Matthews will be taking a leave of absence from Hardball and entering the Mayo Clinic for treatment of depression.
One small bump in the road for Obama; one giant leap forward for America.
“The shovel-ready votes weren’t as shovel-ready as we thought.”
“Damn! I thought we had that voter-ID thing squashed!”
“Jay, how can we blame this on Bush?”
“I’m a believer in redistribution of votes.”
In my typical classless fashion, I submit the following entries:
1. Better Red than Dead.
(Ok, loved being able to turn THAT slogan around!)
2. Unable-bodied Seaman Axelrod in the crow’s nest of the HMS Tantrum screams to El Capitan Obammer on the bridge – “Electoral Defeat, Right Ahead!”
3. Alleged quote from a spinning, arm flailing Valerie Jarrett in the West Wing – “Danger, Danger, Danger!!!”
4. Late night conversation between Axelrod and Obama on Nov. 6th.
Obama to Axelrod: I thought you stuffed the ballots!
Axelrod to Obama: I thought YOU stuffed the ballots!
Obama to Axelrod: No, I specifically remember telling YOU to stuff the ballots!
Axelrod to Obama: I beg to differ, YOU were supposed to be stuffing the ballots!
(continued ad nauseam)
Turkeys, Geese, in surprising mass turnout in favor of Christmas.
In reaction, the New York Times will no longer be black and white and red all over, they are feeling too blue.
“The ghost of Presidency-past, George W. Bush, has come back to haunt Presidency-present.”
“Plouffe, the magic’s draggin’ !”
“With Hollywood and all their slick productions, isn’t it ironic that I got done in by a YouTube movie trailer”
So, voters! (Yeah!) Voters! (Yeah!)
Has your best ally made the cut? (Hell yeah!)
Tell ‘em we’ll shake on it! (Shake on it!) Shake on it! (Shake on it!)
Shake on that loyal love.! We got his back.
Bibi got back!
(Tel Aviv face with Jerusalem roots) We can name that capital!
Bibi got back!
“I’m going to retire and write twelve more books. All autobiographies”
“Can I pardon Eric Holder before he gets charged?”
Admit it, you are going to miss Jay Smarmy as Press Secretary, right?
Quotes from Obama on Nov. 7th.
“If I’d only had 8 more years, I could have fixed this.”
“Wow. America truly is ungovernable!”
“You people were just not worthy of me. (sob….)”
Now channeling the malaise of Jimmah Cahter: “we are confronted with a moral and a spiritual crisis.”
Finally, Barry gets to “just eat his waffle’.
Weather forcast- Prevailing winds of change continue to be a challenge for airheads in the central U.S. Luckily, they were tangled up in massive wind-farms on the coasts and prevented from blowing out to sea.
“Axelrod, how can we be losing when the only tough domestic questions we get are in Spanish and the only tough critiques we get on our foreign policies are in Arabic?”
“I don’t like this election every four years thing, this old document…Constitution thing, this checks and balances thing. I’m going for first king of the United States since Garfield Goose”
I still get Secret Service protection, even if I’m on the golf course all day, every day. Although, not sure I can get them to pay attention. I’m a slicer, not a hooker.
“kids, remember, better red than dead.”
I was blue until I red this map.
The bump in the road!
Yes but…..what about the additional seven states?
“Obama makes electorit see RED!”
“Darn it. I just can’t be defeated, or Romney will spend the next four years blaming me for the economy.”
His march Forward is blocked by a Red Sea, try and part this one oh chosen one.
Inherit this, b*tch!!
1.) Reset.
2.) Recovery autumn.
3.) Kinetic Voter Action.
4.) The time has changed for come!
Pauline Kael still doesn’t know anyone who voted for Romeny.
Replican drug use rises to historic levels. Mass delusions across country.
Obama was trying to make America more like the Reds. He never imagined he’d have such success!
The first order of business: begin dismantling the 47% election advantage/welfare state and media that got us to a point where Obama was elected in the first place.
Caption:
The nation shows its true colors.