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by
Buzzsawmonkey

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September 6, 2012 - 1:12 pm

A Modern Liberal Democrat
–with apologies to Gilbert & Sullivan and “A Modern Major-General”

I am the very model of a modern liberal Democrat
I’ve spread out ‘cross the nation from my native campus habitat
I know our shabby history of policies discriminate
And think we should apologize from now until the infinite

I look upon myself as a citizen international
I think restricting entry of illegals is irrational
I take care always to show elevated moral attitude
And speak with unimpeachable political correctitude

And speak with unimpeachable political correctitude
And speak with unimpeachable political correctitude
And speak with unimpeachable political correcti-rectitude

Though not myself religious I will talk of spirituality
I worship at the shrine of income and gender equality
I support racial set-asides, preferences, and bureaucrats
I am the very model of a modern liberal Democrat

He supports racial set-asides, preferences, and bureaucrats
He is the very model of a modern liberal Democrat

I reject the notion that Al-Qaeda wants to form a Caliphate
We’d rapidly end differences if we would just negotiate
I think we should do more to prevent other nations’ genocide
But if we use our military I’ll support the other side

I second-guess every decision strategic and tactical
I support our troops in every way, as long as it’s not practical
Our army should not engage in perilous foreign adventure
So I oppose on principle each new defense expenditure

So I oppose on principle each new defense expenditure
So I oppose on principle each new defense expenditure
So I oppose on principle each new defense expend-expenditure

I think that women should have choices when they’re faced with pregnancy
But there is one choice over others I view preferentially
In short, supporting set-asides, preferences, and bureaucrats
I am the very model of a modern liberal Democrat

In short, supporting set-asides, preferences, and bureaucrats
I am the very model of a modern liberal Democrat

But when I have shed my nostalgic dreams of a revolution
When I know government’s the problem more than the solution
When I realize there’s no way that we can fund Social Security
With so much of our population having reached maturity

When I have learnt taxation doesn’t create private sector jobs
When I stop using tax grants as a way to buy votes from the mob
In short, when I have shorn some of my more blatant hypocrisies
You might actually see me begin to support democracy

You might actually see me begin to support democracy
You might actually see me begin to support democracy
You might actually see me begin to support democra-mocracy

Still the economic knowledge which I’ve clung to from my early teens
Says, “To each who wants it must come from each person who has got the means”
And so, supporting set-asides, preferences, and bureaucrats
I am the very model of a modern liberal Democrat

And so, supporting set-asides, preferences, and bureaucrats
I am the very model of a modern liberal Democrat


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