I just came back from New York where I was attending my mother’s funeral. Ruth Lichtenberg Simon was 93.
To say that your mother had a tremendous impact on your life is almost laughably obvious, but in my case its was especially true. I became a writer in part to live out my mother’s dream of being one. Something of a bon vivant, my mother quit college in the late 1930s to go to Paris and take a job with the Chicago Tribune in the hopes of beginning a literary career on the Left Bank. For reasons you can guess, she returned home much earlier than expected. Back in New York she met a young medical resident named Norman Simon – and, in rapid succession, they got married, Norman joined the Air Force and Roger was born. And then my sisters Wendy and Martha.
Like many of her generation, Ruth Simon didn’t get back to Europe for some time and never did become a writer. But she always worshipped them, perhaps inordinately, and imparted those feelings to her son. She also gave me, I now realize, an incredible gift – the sense that I could actually be one. My father, who also admired writing a great deal, was more cautious, warning that it was too risky an occupation. Well, it was, but I seem to have skated through, so far.
Reading was my mother’s passion and her favorite pastime. Up until the last two years or so, when dementia set it, she never seemed to be without a book in her hand. That is how I will always remember her.
There is something about when a second parent passes – my father died about twenty-five years ago – that has a grimmer finality to it. Darker ramifications. You have moved up to next in line in the queue.
RIP Ruth Simon.
I’m sorry about your mother. My father is dying of cancer right now and I know what you mean about the death of the second parent.
May God bless her. She lived a good life and accomplished much.
My grandmother passed away just a few months ago, at about the same age. I share your feelings of loss.
I also know the cold sensation of standing in the queue. My grandmother was the last of her generation — and both of my parents are the eldest of theirs.
With all the other miracles of the last century, it seemed like age and death might be pushed off, thwarted, lessened….but they remain as inevitable and final as ever. In at least one sense, we’re all still standing in line.
In other ways, however, we can still transcend time — in our works and in our connections with others. Thinking only of ourselves, we are doomed; thinking of others, we may yet shine.
This post is a beautiful reflection of your mother. Live now that you may similarly illuminate the future.
May G-d comfort you among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.
Will you sit shiva and if so, where may I (and others) help share your prayers?
Baruch Dayan HaEmet. I am sorry for your loss.
Joy and Peace of the Presence to her, and heart’s ease to you.
If the dementia was similar to what I have seen in a loved one, then I am sure you essentially said goodbye years ago; that long goodbye is a terrible trial. We all wish it had not come to it. I am sorry for your loss, and glad you knew her as well as you did.
To see in ones children the fulfillment of our dreams is a blessing beyond compare.
I am sorry for your loss. You have always written of your parents in glowing terms; I am sure that when your mother was alive, she knew how much you loved her.
Keep her in your heart and she will be with you always. I lost both my Parents but my Mother passed first many years ago. It is true that after the loss of both parents you do have a new respect for the mortality clause on this ride called life. It is a reat ride but no one gets out alive.
Roger, I am so sorry for your loss. I feel an even greater sense of connection now, due to the Chicago ties. I wish I had known, wish I could have done something in her memory.
I am happy for you that your relationship with your mom was a cherished one.
As the only son of an only son, with no chance to pass on the name, I deeply share the feeling of standing in queue, and as the last of the line as well. (the boy who bears my name is severely delayed and blind since birth).
I’m sure she lived a life beaming with pride in your accomplishments. What a wonderful tribute to her, to have had such a son as you.
I’ve told you before (as well as David Horowitz, Glenn Reynolds, Victor Davis Hanson, Jonah Goldberg, Charles Krauthammer, Dennis Prager et al), I consider you national heroes.
If there is anything I can do, please don’t hesitate to contact me.
May God keep you safe and warm in His embrace, and on any day He doesn’t…I will.
(I respectfully offer the above to you and to Christopher Hitchens, in the same spirit and with the same respectful intent, I’m hoping you …and he, if he ever reads this…receive it that way)
All my best thoughts to you, my friend.
CFBleachers
Roger, you have my sincere condolences. My mother, Leah Spear Vidmer, died two weeks ago.
My sincere condolences.
Be well knowing she did so well with you.
I echo comments of condolences, Roger. Her legacy lives on in the work you do.
God Bless
Roger, my sincere condolences.
I lost my Mom at age 93 about four months ago. I miss her every day and I always will. Our parents went through a depression and a war, and they provided us with a lot, maybe too much. They wanted us to have the blessings they didn’t have. I think we got a little spoiled, and the current baby boom generation has almost destroyed this nation. Time for a change.
My deepest condolences to you, Mr. Simon.
My sincere condolences, Roger. No matter how old one is, when one loses the second parent, one becomes an orphan. May your mother rest in peace and may you find comfort in her memory.
As already mentioned, I offer my deepest condolences on the passing of your mother.
Condolences.
I don’t think it is “mov(ing) up to next in line in the queue”, so much that botheres. We all know what awaits. To me, it is the breaking of the link to the past. The ways of our youth and what we could gleen from our folks are gone. I was talking to a friend of mine about his daughter in graduate school the other day. It involved some minor disagreement they had. But we concluded it is her world now; we are of the past. An old link broken, a new one being forged.
I’m sad to hear – may she rest in peace. I’m sure you made her proud of your writing accomplishments, and hopefully that is a kind of comfort right now…
I was fortunate to have my mother until she was 102. She was a character in the nicest sense of the word. She loved to spend time with my children, even though she lived in Chicago and they in California. When they were teenagers, they would fly to Chicago to spend a week with her. She would check into a downtown hotel so they could act like tourists. She remembered the sinking of the Titanic and had written letters to doughboys in WWI. I think what sense of history they have as adults began with her.
She lived in California in the 1920s and one of her high points was dancing with Victor McLaughlin at a party in Hollywood. After 1929, she returned to Chicago and married my father. I can appreciate your loss because it has been ten years and I still miss her.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you Roger. You’re the reflection of what your mom contributed for all. I hope the current sadness quickly evolves into the warm memories of so many wonderful decades.
My condolences to you Roger. Thanks for sharing with us. I lost my mother in 2005, three days shy of her 91st birthday. We have been greatly blessed to have had these great women in our lives for so long.
Roger, I’m so sorry.
It’s wonderful that you had her in your life for so many years. She sounds like a great lady.
Roger, my condolences on your loss.
I’m truly sorry for your loss, Roger.
Bless your mom, Roger. She was obviously a much loved parent–and you, a much loved son. Thank you for telling us about her.
Yes, you’re now an orphan–a real life passage–but love is stronger than death, and your mother’s love will sustain and nurture you as long as you live. May G-d bless you both, now and always.
My husband and I send you our sincerest sympathy.
Your mom sounds like a wonderful woman.
May perpetual light shine upon her!
My sincere thanks to all those who have posted here.
may He comfort you and yours. i recently experienced a similar loss. my mom was also 93 yo.
Roger, I send you my deepest condolences. Losing a loved feels like it tears fibers of your being that you never knew existed and their absence is disorienting. But what a wonderful woman she was! May God bless her soul and your father’s in every way always and console you for their loss.
Your mother must have been one darned tootin’ amazing woman to have raised such a wonderful son as you, Mr. Simon.
May she rest in peace.
God bless and my your heart heal from the loss.
Sincere condolences.
Roger, as proud as you are of your mother, I imagine you dazzled her even more.
What a long and wonderful life … though no matter how old your parent is, the loss is still great. My condolences to you and all your family.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Roger.
“She also gave me, I now realize, an incredible gift – the sense that I could actually be one.” Words for me to remember as my son has just left for his first year of college.
What a great long life. To celebrate all those years, she had.And the great gifts she gave you.And all the wonderful success you have. See, she will never be gone as you continue on.
My dad had Alzheimers.It ran thru the family. He died when I was 33. Great man, an older dad being born in 1904.
Anyway, condolences to you and your family.
My condolences to you, Roger. My mom died at age 68, 8 years ago, and is missed every minute of the day. But I am reminded of her statement, when – after her father died almost 7 years after my grandmother – she said, “I feel like an orphan now, I have no more parents.” And she faced the role of senior in the family as well. Sadly, she was the next to go. Celebrate the memories of both your parents; your mom sounds like she was an incredible lady and a deep influence on your life. At my mom’s funeral, I read a poem prefaced by a statement I realized only as she was dying: Death is not the opposite of Life; it is the opposite of Birth. It is a transition, and she is on different shores now. Keep making your mom proud – I know she’s with you.
May she be a guiding force for you.
Sincere sympathies,
Lissa in Montreal
I am sorry for your loss, Mr. Simon. You must also have inherited good common sense from your mother (and, no doubt, your father) and for that, I am grateful, as I always appreciate your articles.
The one thing we do know is that love is stronger than death: Her love for you and your love for her will never die. Shalom.
Shabbat is over now and now I find out about your mother. I know nothing I can say can help with the wound you have now. But think of this, she was a great success. She gave us you. You were her blessing and now you are our blessing. May your grief be brief. God bless you.
Roger: I am sorry for your loss. Your words ring true, both bringing your mother into our minds, and showing us more of who you are. A good son and a good man, confronted with the mortal question and answering it with love and grace.
Mr Simon –
I’m so sorry. God gave her life and Blessed her for 93 years. That’s pretty damn good. We should all be so lucky.
God speed to you and your family,
R.
May you be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.