Scenes from a Marriage – The Modern Sequel
FADE IN:
INT. OBAMA BEDROOM – LATE NIGHT
BARACK , just back from a speech, is undressing. He is about to toss his socks on the floor when he notices MICHELLE, already in bed, raising her eyebrows. He stops, carefully puts his socks in the hamper.
MICHELLE
(leafing through Vogue, very annoyed)
I told them to shoot me on my left side.
BARACK
(getting into bed)
Let’s try to forget it, honey. We’re under a
lot of stress.
He puts his arm around her but she’s in a bad mood and unresponsive.
MICHELLE
Did you see the Gallup tracking?
BARACK
(nuzzling up)
An aberration.
MICHELLE
(pushing him away, one track mind)
It’s been the same for two weeks. You’ve got to do something!
Democrats are supposed to be up by twenty in summer.
Barack sits up, obviously disturbed. She’s right.
BARACK
( looking tentatively at Michelle)
Well… what about…?
MICHELLE
(alarmed)
No, not The Witch! I told you a thousand times. I can’t live
with her or that horn dog in Blair House!
BARACK
Okay, okay…
He shakes his head, flummoxed.
MICHELLE
(gets an idea)
Biden!
BARACK
(frowns)
But he said all those horrible things about me. And you always hated
the hair plugs.
MICHELLE
(gestures to magazine)
He’s not running for the cover of Vogue.
BARACK
And he’s been around for centuries. What about “hope” and “change”?
MICHELLE
You still believe that bullshit?
BARACK
(weakening)
The kids at the Daily Kos are gonna hate it.
MICHELLE
All the better!
BARACK
(smiles)
You are a wise woman.
(wraps his arms around her)
Now I know why I married you.
They disappear under the covers.
When the pro-Obama contributors to PJM finally get up, I’m sure they will have a flaming response to this script and then quit.
When the anti-Obama contributors to PJM finally get up, I’m sure they’ll laugh their heads off over coffee and be very glad they read and write here with people who know how to pull off satire.
Very clever. Hope you’ll do more of this during the coming weeks.
I don’t know what to think. Is this the result of too much back-room calculation, or too little?
Whatever. It just proves yet again that the Democratic Party can’t take the presidency seriously.
Scott
Dude, didn’t you useta be in movies?
What I want to know is if you wrote the original in Final Draft.
So at the convention we will see Carter, Clinton, Clinton, Biden…and then, for a change, hopefully Obama.
“What I want to know is if you wrote the original in Final Draft.”
Didn’t write it in Final Draft because it does not transfer over well to Word Press. The above is an approximation of screenwriting format adjusted for WP.
Obama just fastened another tin can to the string of them following his campaign; Wright, Fleger, Farrakhan, Ayres and now Slow Joe.
Satire or no, it makes perfect sense. Hilarity would have been the perfect pick, but Michele couldn’t stand her. Yuk.
Really funny and possibly true post.
Possibly funnier with this loose cannon moment . (Priceless Al Sharpton take)
So much for hope and change. Just think, when Biden became a Senator, McCain was still a POW.
Testing
When Biden became a Senator, he and McCain both had hair.
Kudos! But I always thought “horndog” was one word, not two.
BTW, Roger, you were right about it being a tighter race. Retrieving from the memory vault an unoriginal metaphor: Obama’s support may be like the Platte River–a mile wide but only 18 inches deep.
Roger, this is, of course, all your work, which makes it irritating, but there are still a few things to latch onto. First, this:
“Democrats are supposed to be up by twenty in summer.”
For someone ideologically predisposed to root for the other guy, this is not a ringing endorsement of your candidate. Like the folks at Commentary I so love, you just can’t make a case FOR your candidate, can you?
“But he said all those horrible things about me.”
Jesus. A link straight from the McCain website! Can’t you use Lexis-Nexis or pick up a dead-tree newspaper, or something? How much is Goldfarb paying you?
If McCain picks Romney (as seems likely, given the negative feedback from the base on Lieberman and Ridge), I suppose you will recount the McCain campaign’s hilarious jab that “John McCain and his friends used to beat up Mitt Romney at recess.” Well no, you probably won’t; steps on your narrative.
“And he’s been around for centuries.”
This from a guy suppoprting a 72 year old senator. Furthermore, counting the start of McCain’s work as a senate liason in 1977, Biden has served but five years longer than McCain, yet the Delaware Senator is seven years younger. Nice try.
“What about ‘hope’ and ‘change’?
You still believe that bullshit?”
Through the years, Roger, I’ve noticed that your response to anyone who sharply disagrees with you or claims to be standing on matters of principle is-far from arguing with them-to brand them “reactionaries.” And your first response to an opposition candidate hoping to inspire people has been to scream “bullshit.” How…reactionary.
Believe it or not, I agree with you on something: your assessment of modern left-liberalism as “fuddy-duddy.” This is honestly quite deep, so I wish you’d work to flesh it out. What I think you’re onto, though, is the tendancy of past Liberal politicians to take a top-down approach to policy implimentation. For example, what Senator Clinton long said, for example, was something to the effect of: “Elect me and I’ll call in my chits to get you universal health care! Yay!’
By contrast, Obama has said, I think: “Yeah, I have liberal goals, some of which you share, some of which need to be argued out, but I can’t do this for you. You have to show up. You, all of you, have to raise money on your own, make the case via the internet and new technology, etc.” That’s the hope. That’s the change.
We’re seeing this as Obama comes out (remarkably close to McCain’s plan, by the way) for national service and announces community organizing fellowships on his website. Clearly, Obama wants to leave something behind if he loses, just as McCain did when he went on a bus tour for campaign finance reform in 2001.
The kids at the Daily Kos are gonna hate it.
All the better!”
Agreed.
Jay, this post is satire, making fun of the possibility that Obama’s wife may have prevented him from making the best VP choice for the general election. I’m sure you understand that. So to address those quotes you pulled from this satire:
“Democrats are supposed to up by 20 in summer.” This is true, and an acknowledgement that the party in power is unpopular. You respond by saying why can’t something positive be said about McCain, but numerous posts here have been pro McCain, and isn’t the fact that the race is essentially tied at least partially due to McCain’s strengths as a candidate?
“But he said all these terrible things about me.” Well Biden did say those things about Obama. It’s one of the reasons that nominees are reluctant to choose their primary opponents. McCain is going through the same process re Romney now.
“And he’s been around for centuries.” Experience is a positive, of course – unless your whole message is about hope and change, in which case it’s a contradiction.
“Hope and Change!” This is blather. Every campaign has an empty slogan. It’s part of politics. The idea that Obama represents real change seems a bit of a stretch. He is from the party out of power, so in that sense he definitely represents a change from the current administration, if not from past ones.
Picking Biden was Obama’s solution to the energy crisis, since Old Joe has lots of natural gas.
One of the Presidential candidates picked a running mate today. The MSM set up stakeouts rivaling Monica Beach. For 24-hours the TV networks, especially MSNBC, pulled out all the stops like it was the announcement of the second coming. The candidate — Obama — was so insecure in his final (underwhelming) selection that he announced it in the middle of the night.
So maybe you could cut Roger some slack for having a little fun. Personally, I thought it was some of his best work.
And guess what? If McCain handles his selection as poorly, I will laugh just as hard in the unlikely event anyone on the other side shows similar wit.
Superbly done… you must have done this before. (wink)
Can’t wait for the sequel!
OK, I give up. What makes Michelle a “wise woman” (in your scenario) for suggesting Biden as VP? The wisdom escapes me.
Or if she’s not a wise woman, if what you’re doing is satire, what makes her a wise woman in Barak’s eyes?
He is about to toss his socks on the floor when he notices MICHELLE, already in bed, raising her eyebrows. He stops, carefully puts his socks in the hamper.
I do love this bit of business.
For someone ideologically predisposed to root for the other guy, this is not a ringing endorsement of your candidate. Like the folks at Commentary I so love, you just can’t make a case FOR your candidate, can you?
You know, Jay, it’s been years since I voted for someone instead of against the other guy. And Reagan won the primary that year anyway. But I’m always curious about this particular trope when I see you all offer it. First, why is it you imagine that voting against someone you think would be actively bad is somehow a worse reason to vote for the other guy? And second, can you propose a single reason that Obama has offered to vote for that he hasn’t explicitly contradicted at some other point? Other, I suppose, than the hope that if he gets hold of your wallet he’ll let you keep the change?
The Vice President’s residence is not Blair House; that’s the guest house for foreign dignitaries located near the White House. The Vice President lives in a house on the grounds of the Naval Observatory. I know “Naval Observatory” doesn’t roll off the tongue quite so easily, but as Tim Gunn might say, make it work or don’t make the joke.
Oops, you’re right. My bad. Thinking like a screenwriter and worrying about “the sound.”
“Roger, this is, of course, all your work, which makes it irritating,”
I’m so sorry to hear, Jay, that someone is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to read this blog.
“Jay, this post is satire, making fun”
Satire is not a part of Jay’s universe. Nor is fun.
Well, Barack better be careful where he puts his socks, lest he invoke the Wrath of Michelle. It seems we’re at last getting a glimpse of the Real Michelle Obama:
“Sen. Barack Obama’s wife and three close advisers have been involved with a program at the University of Chicago Medical Center that steers patients who don’t have private insurance — primarily poor, black people — to other health care facilities.”
http://tinyurl.com/67ctae
Hilarious. Just like BO’s VP pick.
Great Satire, waiting for more and maybe we will all loosen up regarding the most “Satirical Campaign ” in our history.
Truly a sad commentary, if it wasn’t laughable at times, regarding one of the most important periods facing
all Americans in this century.
Please, more Satire, possibly on the other side of the isle, so they can have a laugh also. Humor and laughter
is what makes life bareable at times like this.
“Or if she’s not a wise woman, if what you’re doing is satire, what makes her a wise woman in Barak’s eyes.”
Well, of course she is not a wise woman. He just wanted sex so he said that in this scenario.
He has surrounded himself with not-wise people telling him to do Stupid Stuff. WHy would he suddenly be able to spot wisdom in his harridan of a wife?
I figured the “wisdom” was the implication that Obama needs to get the Kossacks to criticize him, as their adulation will be a bigger and bigger negative as the campaign drags on.