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Don We Now Our Gay Apparel Ugly Sweaters

Countdown to Christmas: Only 9 weeks left and looking this good takes planning.

by
Rhonda Robinson

Bio

November 2, 2013 - 4:00 pm
ChrisChicago

Chris Chicago, a runner-up in the Shocklee’s annual Ugly Christmas Sweater Party Contest. Where dressing ugly becomes a fine art.

Now is the perfect time to get ready for one of our favorite Christmas traditions, the Ugly Christmas Sweater Party.

It’s never too early to start shopping for just the right sweater. In fact, if you don’t find one by the end of November then forget it. The thrift stores run out early, and face it, the only thing worse than wearing the ugliest sweater you can find is paying full retail price for it.

Although if you want to hold your head up in public wearing a Christmas montage I suggest you design your own.

A few years back this concept was an affront to my sensibilities. Why would anyone want to go to a party and meet new people wearing something tacky?

No one has ever accused me of being a slave to fashion. However, this took some real mental adjusting over a period of  years just to actually enjoy it.

The first two years I bought very traditional, and very ugly, sweaters. The first one was made out of some sort of cheap fuzzy red yarn that made me look like Elmo on Sesame Street. The following year was equally as bad. A black, button-down sweater covered in snowmen made of varying sized white buttons and ribbons.

Would you believe that there are people on this planet that actually thought those sweaters were “cute”?

At the first party I was accused of not playing along.

To this day, I’m not sure if I should be offended or not. Did they really think I came dressed like Tickle-Me-Elmo thinking I was NOT participating?

The following year proved a little more embarrassing and another complete fail. Neglecting to make my own dish to bring to the party, a quick stop at the local grocery store seemed like the easiest fix. That is, until we pulled up and not one of us wanted to get out of the car in our Christmas sweaters.

Somehow, I got elected.

As I grabbed the first pie I could find and dashed to the finish checkout line, I thought I made it undetected. Then the clerk remarked in a loud voice, “I love your sweater! That is so cute.” Apparently, it was assumed this was part of my normal Christmas attire.

I mumbled a stunned and bewildered “thanks” and hurried out of the store.

Then there was last year when my girlfriend decided I needed help…

UglySweater13

Sweater design by Melissa Douglas.

This is what I ended up with.

We’re running out of time. Looking this tacky takes a lot of effort. Any design ideas for this year’s ugly Christmas sweater?

Rhonda Robinson writes on the social, political and parenting issues currently shaping the American family. She lives with her husband and teenage daughter in Middle Tennessee. www.amotherslife.me Follow on twitter @amotherslife

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All Comments   (5)
All Comments   (5)
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The light up sweaters are always a hit. Our top sweaters usually have a giant Santa bust doing things very unSanta like: Riding bikes, making yellow snow, drinking whiskey, etc.

I think the future of Ugly Sweaters will involve LCD screens embedded in wool that allows you to rotate and customize designs. How sweet would that be?!?!
35 weeks ago
35 weeks ago Link To Comment
Funny thing is, "gay" already had its dual meaning back when the Monkees were on TV, as demonstrated in this little clip of them singing "Deck The Halls" for a young lad's entertainment:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuGvCXDycEc

Nowadays, kids also sometimes use it to mean "lame" as in "Being an activist is totally gay!" (South Park, "Rainforest Schmainforest") Thus, we soon may be able to "troll" the ancient Yuletide carol anew with all its original words intact. Don we now our lame apparel...
37 weeks ago
37 weeks ago Link To Comment
Oh those little lights are sooooo adorable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heh.
37 weeks ago
37 weeks ago Link To Comment
Thanks for the reminder. Love the sweater!
37 weeks ago
37 weeks ago Link To Comment
Thanks for the "ironic" title. Irony is such that it shows the surface to be other than the depth.
37 weeks ago
37 weeks ago Link To Comment
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