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5 Ways to Forfeit Your Man Card

Go and pick up that purse.

by
John Hawkins

Bio

March 21, 2013 - 2:00 pm

If Chuck Norris gets a pedicure so that his toes will feel more comfortable when he kicks people in the face, will you think he is a wimp? No. If R. Lee Ermey wants to drink a Cosmopolitan because he feels that it will keep his throat perfectly primed to yell at people, he can get away with it. If  UFC light heavyweight champion Jon “Bones” Jones likes to unwind by watching Twilight after choking someone unconscious in a cage fight, who are we to argue?

Still, there are some things that even the manliest of masculine manly men can’t get away with on their most masculinely manly days without having their man card permanently pulled. For example:

Wolverine

Wolverine

1) Geeking out on children’s entertainment

It’s one thing for a man to listen to the awful music of Justin Bieber and think, “Wow, that’s not the worst thing I’ve ever heard.” It’s quite another to actually go to one of his concerts for the fun of it or, worse yet, refer to himself as a “Belieber.” Wanna go to a comic-book convention? Ok, but if you’re a dude who dresses up like Thor and starts speculating about whether you can defeat the Hulk in a fight, you have a “man problem” you need to address. Don’t even get me started on being a damn brony and walking around in public talking about My Little Pony. Are you a five-year-old girl? If the answer to that question is “no,” then you don’t have any business being a fan of a show aimed at five-year-old girls.

Chris Crocker crying

Chris Crocker crying

2) Crying in public under most circumstances

There was a time when I would have just left this at “crying in public,” but once someone reminded me that “Jesus wept,” that didn’t seem fair. After all, Jesus was much more of a man’s man than people generally give him credit for being. He was a powerful leader of men who took on the religious order of the day because it was the right thing to do. He confronted Satan face to face, turned over the money changers’ tables in the temple, and was willing to allow himself to be sacrificed in the most horrible manner possible because that’s what it took to save the people he cared about. That’s power, quiet strength, and manhood personified.

All that being said, Jesus wept in sympathy for Lazarus, a good man who had died badly. So, can you get a pass for weeping at a funeral? Sure. But keep in mind that Jesus didn’t weep because someone said something mean to him or because he had a bad day. It’s okay for women to cry over things like that. Men, on the other hand, aren’t supposed to cry over Mickey Mouse issues. If you do, it better be in private, at home. It’s a man’s job to be a rock, and rocks don’t cry.

3) Being afraid to shoot a gun

A gun is a very powerful and dangerous tool that is capable of turning a human being from a living, breathing creature into a wrecked pile of lifeless meat. For that reason, a gun is a tool that deserves a significant amount of respect. Not every man has or even wants to own a gun, which is understandable. But no man should be AFRAID to handle a gun. What does that say about you, besides the fact that YOU believe that you’re an incompetent, fearful little sad sack who has so little faith in yourself that you don’t believe you can handle a gun without accidentally hurting yourself or others? Every man, at some point in his life, should learn to know his way around a gun, if not because it’s potentially useful, then just for the sake of his own self-respect.

Whipped

Whipped

4) Being whipped

Know the saddest thing about guys that are really whipped? It’s not that they blow off their friends to run to their women. It’s not that other guys laugh at them behind their backs. It’s not even that they sometimes go to humiliating and demeaning lengths to make women happy. (If we’re being honest, most men have done that at some point in their lives.) It’s that they put their manhood on a back shelf to please women and not only do they secretly resent having to do it, but ultimately, the women never seem to appreciate it very much anyway.

That’s the funny thing about women. They’re always trying to tame men and then the moment they pull it off, they get bored with the wolf they managed to carefully craft into a poodle.


5) Refusing to stand up when the situation calls for it

There’s a 30-year-old Kenny Rogers song called Coward Of The County that ends with the epic line, “Sometimes you gotta fight when you’re a man.”

By the way, you do.

It’s like Jonah Goldberg once said,

Just to clarify: If you go into every situation saying there’s absolutely nothing worth fighting over, you will inevitably end up on a cot sleeping next to a guy named Tiny, bringing him breakfast in his cell every morning, and spending your afternoons ironing his boxers. Or, in the case of the French, you might spend your afternoon rounding up Jews to send to Germany, but you get the point.

It’s a good idea to avoid trouble and stay out of other people’s problems if possible, but if you’re a man, there will come a time when the situation demands that you stand up for yourself or for someone else. When it does, you either do it or you lay your man card on the table and walk away.

John Hawkins is a professional writer who runs Right Wing News and Linkiest. He's also the co-owner of the The Looking Spoon. Additionally, he does weekly appearances on the #1 in its market Jaz McKay show, writes a weekly column for Townhall and PJ Media, does YouTube videos, and his work has also been published at the Washington Examiner, The Hill, and at Human Events. He's also the blogosphere's premier interviewer and has interviewed conservatives like Thomas Sowell, Mark Levin, Victor Davis Hanson, Mark Steyn, G. Gordon Liddy, Dick Morris, Karl Rove, Michael Steele, Milton Friedman, Jonah Goldberg, Jim DeMint, Walter Williams, Robert Novak, Ann Coulter, Newt Gingrich, & Michelle Malkin among others. Moreover, John Hawkins' work has been linked and discussed in numerous publications and on TV and radio shows including ABC News, BusinessWeek, C-Span, The Chicago Tribune, CNN, Countdown with Keith Olbermann, Editor & Publisher, Fox News, Hannity and Colmes, The Laura Ingraham Show, Minneapolis Star Tribune, MSNBC, National Journal, National Post, Newsmax, Newsweek, The Philadelphia Inquirer, The Rush Limbaugh Show, The Tammy Bruce Show, Time Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, The Hugh Hewitt Show, The Washington Post, Salt Lake Tribune, Scarborough Country, U.S. News & World Report, and Human Events, where he had a weekly column. Right Wing News has been studied by college classes and even inspired an urban legend that was covered at Snopes. Last but not least, John Hawkins also founded and led the Rightroots group, a grassroots effort that collected almost $300,000 for Republican candidates in the last 3 months of the 2006 election cycle. In 2008, he consulted for Duncan Hunter's presidential campaign and was on the board of Slatecard, which raised more than $600,000 for Republican candidates in the 2008 election cycle. In 2011, he helped found Raising Red, although he left the organization the same year and went on to become one of the co-founders of Not Mitt Romney.com.

Comments are closed.

Top Rated Comments   
Combat Vets always have their man card. they can cry in public, kiss their wife's butt, and dress like the Black Widow weighing 300 lbs. I don't care, they keep the card and you can stuff yours.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
After all these years I now need a g@d da&#ed card?
Who's whipped, numbnuts?
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
A real man watches whatever he damn well pleases, and doesn't give a rip whether anyone approves or not.

A real man isn't afraid to love his woman, and to express that love in whatever way he thinks is appropriate.

A real man isn't afraid of his own emotions. He knows it's not a weakness to let them show once in a while.

A real man doesn't need a list of rules to tell him how to be a man. He thinks pop-psychology lists, quizzes, and personality tests belong in "Cosmopolitan."

Here's a hint: if you live in fear that someone will take your "man card" away, you've already forfeited your manhood. A real man doesn't need an imaginary card to tell him he's a man. He's never doubted it.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
All Comments   (60)
All Comments   (60)
Sort: Newest Oldest Top Rated
This "man card" thing / catch phrase has been the buzz lately. Guys throwing it around on beer commercials. Women using to emasculate or put down a guy (or their boyfriend / husband) they don't find "socially" acceptable to their high standards.

Forfeit your "man card" this is really funny (sarcasm). By what right or whose standard? Yours? What women think?

I KNOW men who drop this phrase are obviously insecure in something that they have to call out another guy with this phrase to make points with or to impress other guys who are around (and we all left junior high decades ago thankfully).

To impress women nearby who are in earshot and make the person who "said" this phrase "the alpha guy" in their eyes (again, which is juvenile and feeds into the whole "be funny thing to impress the opposite sex").

I'll cry in public if I want to, and if I am moved so.

Adult men who are highly educated produce some of the best children's shows on PBS, and have won national awards.

So what if a guy has to call home, maybe his wife is sick. Maybe he has a son or daughter who has a birth defect or handicap. Maybe...just maybe he has a great marriage and he LOVES his wife. Maybe he's just crazy about her.

Shooting a gun? Grow up. Shooting a gun doesn't make you a man. Defending your home and family with a gun and knowing how to use it is manly.

The last point was the laugh. "Standing up" and "manning up" when the situation calls for it. Get over yourself. Stand by righteousness. Stand for justice. Stand by the weak. Stand by a fellow man who needs help.

The same men who throw this phrase around don't stand for anything except to: shame a person, impress other people, or use stereotypical male pursuits in a way that isn't helpful, or polite, or manly.

Oh my man card? Mine is not here, it's in eternity. I gave it to Christ (the only man I take seriously)
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I would only disagree with #4. Why is it unmanly to be considerate to your wife who might be worrying about you?

Also I think its equally as silly for women to cry over trivial matters like having a bad day or her feelings being hurt. That's acceptable behavior for children.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Do you really think he's writing about someone who is kind, considerate and co-operative?

There are guys out there who are so supplicant that they'll literally wade through five feet of water so they can call home to tell the battleaxe on the other end "they can't pick up the milk you ordered".

We all know at least one of these guys - the guy whose wife squats on him, along with every other woman with whom he has contact.
It ain't the women!
It's him.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
The Man "card" was a vehicle kids - get over it and look at the point!!
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Wrong--A rock feels no pain, and an island never cries.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
This is only the 2nd time I have heard of Bronies and the other time was also on PJ. Is this really a thing???
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Yes it is.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Please add to #3;
not be afraid to ride a motorcycle or fly an airplane.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
#5 is the only valid one. I'm a big, bearded martial artist and shooter. I continued marital arts after training accidents that broke my ACL and top two cervical vertebrae (I recovered). I happen to match most of Hawkin's points except I often tear up at heroic scenes in movies. But the points are pretty much crap.

You want to tell me if I decide to watch "My Little Pony" I'm not a real man? Say it to my face, punk.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
"marital" arts?
Bad timing for an error like that ,Charles.

Movies?

I've seen "Saving Private Ryan" several times. I haven't made it through once without at least tearing up.

Maybe Hawkins should re-visit his Man Card revocation policy - make it a cumulative points thing.
We all should pay careful attention to the guys who play with dolls.
Two points deducted, right now. If five (5) or more are accumulated over a one (1) year period, - Man Card revoked.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I agree with you about women if the woman never has anything positive to say about her man. I have a friend who's getting divorced right now because of that, and several who've already gone through the process.
I have to disagree with you about children's entertainment, though. NOT My Little Pony-my daughters watch that. It's perfect for preschool girls. But X-Men Origins: Wolverine was FANTASTIC. It did a great job of examining what made Logan a man: not just physical toughness, but standing up to overwhelming odds to protect the innocent. Thor and Captain America did the same. Promoting selflessness, sacrifice, heroism, ALL traits of Christ. I think Chuck would approve. By the way, the new Red Dawn was top notch.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
work hard, bring home the bacon, satisfy your woman and don't be a pushover on everything
then, you are a man
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Okay, Mr. Hawkins; Turn in YOUR "MAN CARD".
Any "journalist" that writes an article in America today, about pleasing their mate, and doesn't include your MAN MATE, is seriously out of touch.
Do you have a tattoo of testicles where the real ones used to be?
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
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