What Kristen Stewart’s Betrayal Means for Robert Pattinson
Yesterday, the news of Robsten’s implosion rocked some areas of the web. I commented that the cause of the implosion, Kristen Stewart’s infidelity, was not the result of anything wrong in her and Robert Pattinson’s relationship, but fueled by cultural dictates proclaiming that our early 20s are too soon to settle down. In short, our modern norms create the very immaturity that culture uses as evidence of immaturity. Yesterday, I discussed how that that happens for women. Today, I want to look at what this dynamic does to men.
It turns them into the hardened misogynists we are trying to eradicate.
Every man who does not start out as the sex-seeking, alpha male jerk has a girl in his past who did the “I’m not ready for a commitment,” also known as the “it’s not you, it’s me,” breakup. Well, every man might be an exaggeration, but not by much. These young men loved their girlfriends, offered them their strength, support, and protection — all things that many women claim to want in a husband and father in about 10-15 years. In short, these young men make themselves vulnerable to women, but the women aren’t ready yet, often because we tell them they aren’t ready yet. Whether these young and naive women unceremoniously dump their dedicated beau or humiliate him through cuckoldry, he walks away devastated. He trusted and was betrayed.
Typically, two things happen simultaneously, one internal and one cultural. Internally, the young men retreat into themselves. Having made themselves so vulnerable, they vow to not make that mistake again. Culturally, we often tell a man to get over a girl by sleeping with every willing girl he can find. To see how fun that might be, go watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall, specifically the post breakup sex montage, including such passionate moments as “Are you crying?” “Hi,” and “I think I have an STD.”
Notice, that this is the only point that what we tell young women and what we tell young men, syncs. First the men are ready for commitment but the women aren’t. Later, when the women are ready, the men aren’t. In the middle, we tell the young women to get experience, that is sleep around, and tell young men to drown their heartache in lots of sex. This is why 20somethings spend so much time rutting about. They don’t have out of control libidos so much as we tell them to sleep around–and here is the best part. We tell them this so they can make better choices when the time is right. It doesn’t work out that way.
In that decade of debauchery, those betrayed and hardened men have their sexual behavior reinforced by the slew of willing women who tolerate being used as sex toys and then discarded. (That’s the sexual experience we women typically get. We are supposed to like it.) If a woman naively assumed the relationship was exclusive then this time he does the betraying — and depending on his logic skills, he might see a bit of justice in it. From his perspective, he can stay “safe” in his shell, get laid whenever he wants, and not have to deal with the emotional scars a woman has after being betrayed and repeatedly used as a sex toy. Why would he bother with a relationship? As Whiskey commented in my last post, “a run-to-fat, many partners woman in her thirties is less attractive than an online porn collection, to be brutally honest.” It is that.
So young men become cold and hard sex seeking missiles.
Then, around her late 20s, the independent modern woman starts to realize that she wants a husband and family. She wonders, “Where did all the good men go?” Since modern culture is often beholden to what they think women want, since the women are ready, we expect the men to be ready. Since the typical 30-year-old is no catch, we tend to blame the men, which probably reinforces both the cold and the hard. To be clear here, I do not contend that individual women are to blame for cold and hard men. I contend that the things we teach women about life result in cold and hard men. In this case, the young and naive Stewart is less culpable than the the women who advocated for and created modern cultural norms that so mislead young women. The Steinems and Friedans, et al. have much to answer for.
For illustration, take the wronged Mr. Pattinson. By most accounts, at 26 he is the wonderful guy who would make a great husband and father — and he’s hot and rich to boot. He will be alright because women will throw themselves at him, right? That is not the way to bet.
Like the typical wronged man, he will retreat into a shell. He will be loath to trust again. His buddies, if they haven’t already, will get him stinking drunk. They will encourage him to sleep with any willing gal, and since this is Rob Pattinson we are talking about, women of all ages will line up to be at his service. It won’t help. First, those women were available before the betrayal, before he even started dating Stewart.
If he wanted a life of casual sex, he, more than Joe Smith, could have claimed it at anytime. So he will be thrust into a life he didn’t want. At this point, things get worse for him than the typical guy. Among all those willing women, how many will try to make money off a sex tape? That would add a whole new level to his trust issues. If he is wisely wary, then the modern cure for heartache is ironically lost to him. I’d say that that would save him in the long run, but his fame is still a burden. Already loath to trust, loneliness might plague him. How will he ever know if a girl loves him or is merely intoxicated by his money or the idea of Robert Pattinson? These complications, if he sees them, might cause him to give her a second chance. I’d think that was highly likely if she had a fling with a single guy. But her disregard for him as well as for children and a wife who she knew… Pattinson has no good options.
After this, what kind of man is he likely to be at 35? A George Clooney who beds a different, younger, and hotter woman each month after making her sign a detailed non-disclosure statement? Sounds lovely, no? Is that not just the kind of man a young girl dreams of marrying? His saving grace might be his reportedly close and happy family who can help him claw his way back from this and save the good man he seemed to be last week. I wish them Godspeed.
Eventually, some men do learn to trust again. The details vary depending on the betrayal. I had to convince my own husband that I was not merely looking to experience dating an older guy only to leave him for someone younger. Usually, however, women and men manage only to reach a denouement. They get married, but the shells and the scars are still there. If we bitterly cling to anything these days, it is those, not guns and religion. Modern marriages are often made in the shadow of mistrust and resentment. (That’s a post for another day.)
The advice we give to young people that is supposed to lead them to wiser decisions about marriage, instead drives a wedge between men and women. Culture creates the mistrust and resentment, which it then uses as evidence of the weakness of marriage. Notice a pattern yet?
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More on marriage, family and relationships from Leslie at PJ Lifestyle:
Geez Louise, I mean Leslie, you don’t want to overgeneralize or anything do ya?
If indeed one small (public) infidelity breaks up their relationship, then yes I do think Pattinson will be just fine.
This was to begin with a Hollywood romance and suspect on that basis.
And young people today have the tremendous luxury of casual sex (plus or minus prophalactics) because they can, and because they can they will and do, and so sleeping around in some moderation just ain’t what it used to be.
I largely agree with your cultural assertions and more to the point I also agree that some of them are unfortunate, but minus a few rampant STDs I think sexuality today with all its faults, is probably more in sync with other social imperatives than it was fifty years ago.
I prefer “broad generalization” to “over generalization.” Yes, I’m painting with very broad strokes. There are many aspects I’m omitting. For instance, my husband, who should show up to comment later, wanted me to have something about how raising feminized boys contributes to this problem.
Care to get specific on those “other cultural imperatives?”
Josh, you make her point. “Cultural imperatives” haven’t really changed in the past 10,000 years or so, and neither have human nature or biology. (Go read about the Roman Empire, Medieval Europe, or the Chinese empires and tell me that it has.) “Sleeping around” is bad not simply because of the risks of STD’s or pregnancy, but because it hardens the people involved and makes them less able to have a good marriage and raise a good family. When you share that intimate part of yourself and then abandon the one that you shared it with, you must harden your soul to make yourself believe that there was no cost.
It’s called the pill.
It’s also called a world in which kids mature sexually before age twelve and are in most cases forbidden marriage before age eighteen, and then as discussed discouraged from marriage for another five or ten years.
What did you expect to happen?
Should we encourage marriage before graduation from high school? The numbers on those that do happen are hardly positive. Just what do you propose to reconcile biology and society, heck it’s not even that it’s different aspects of biology? Maybe feed kids suppressors for ten years? Yeah right.
Josh asked:
Just what do you propose to reconcile biology and society, ….
Josh:
Thanks to 10,000 years of cultural evolution, society figured how to reconcile biology and society. It was called marriage. Heard of it? The male has his sexual needs met, the woman has her need-to-procreate needs met, along with a male companion to protect and provide for the child he procreates with the woman.
The Romans especially emphasized monogamy, and then Christianity came along (along with its spiritual predecessor/sidekick Judaism) and said: one man one woman living together in mutual fidelity.
It’s the only escape from the prisoner’s dilemma of sex.
And don’t tell me we cannot do it. We’ve stigmatized smoking, and racism; we can re-stigmatize promiscuity. It is not that we cannot do it, but that we do not want to do it.
This happened to a family member. The girl of his dreams fooled around and then left him. He hasn’t heard from her, but has heard she’s done cocaine, driven while drunk, slept around, is now overweight and depressed. He’s depressed and lost a lot of weight. He’s better off without her and has decided he’s not dating again for who knows how long. What a mess.
Calls to mind a diagram I saw on Facebook this week, a vicious cycle: B*tch screws over nice guy, turns him into an a-hole, who screws over a nice girl, turns her into a b*tch, screws over a nice guy, turns him into an a-hole, who screws over a nice girl, turns her into a b*tch, and on and on.
‘Tis quite true (thanks, ex-wife).
See this guy, too… he agrees.
http://wimminz.wordpress.com/2012/07/27/your-cheating-heart/
so, Leslie, do you have anything to say about the 41 year old married man in this mess? Given his position and age, he can be described as the ‘seductor’. I am sure he fed her the story of his wretched marriage and dreadful wife… the standard (gag) line of such as he. I would not be surprised if this were not the last of a long list of ‘passion in the back seat of a car’ encounters.(ugh).
There is an assumption that Stewart is a knowledgeable Hollywoodite. However, Pattinson is her second relationship, and the first lasted for years also. She is not Paris Hilton by any means.
Can we grant her a measure of innocence?
“Can we grant her a measure of innocence?”
No.
It’s the betrayal. It’s the humiliation. Some things are unforgivable.
Sorry to go Biblical on you, but nothing is unforgivable but knowing Christ and then rejecting Him. Everything else, everything, is forgivable. But the unpardonable sin is a far too complicated topic for secular blog comment threads, even for a rogue generalizer like me. The crews at First Things or Patheos might have something on that, though.
After this public cuckolding, the price any man and particularly Mr.Pattison would pay in public humiliation for spending more than a night or weekend with Ms.Stewart would be enormous. Her behavior also demonstrates that she is not worth the cost.
You are right. The best course would be forgiveness and wishes for a nice life somewhere else far away.
Yes, she has a future of being older, alone, and less and less frequently “used” to look forward to… marriage and kids, no.
I should probably answer this one after church, so I might regret this but it also needs to be said: I haven’t talked about him because I can barely contain my contempt for him. With everything I’ve written about the cultural cycle weakening men and women and driving them apart, at some point you must take yourself off that cycle. He’s married, with children, and 20 years her senior. She technically is responsible for no one but herself, though I am not one to think a cheating woman is not partially responsible for hurt to the wife and his children. She might be forgiven not foreseeing the magnitude of her sin. But he damn well should have known. He is not only responsible for the damage to himself, his wife, and his children, but also to her. I don’t know details of his marriage or desires, but he’s a Hollywood director. If he wanted a fling, he could have had anyone. He could have chosen private settings. Whatever his reasons for seducing Stewart, he destroyed her.
I saw in The Daily Mail that Pattinson wants to have a chat with him. I confess that I hope he rearranges the man’s face–or that Stewart’s brothers would. That’s what I shouldn’t think.
I can write this without guilt though, I’ve written extensively on how Hollywood doesn’t know how to write good stories anymore because they are a bunch of relativists. (See the Han Shot First category on my blog if interested). This story explains Snow White and the Huntsman. The movie tried to be good. The concept was good. It had a few promising themes that he couldn’t develop. My husband had to take me to a pub afterwards and listen to me rant about yet another flaccid fairy tale. Now I know what happened. He can’t direct a good story because he knows jack-all about good and evil.
This is exactly why I am so taken with the middle ages and before: people knew how to act, and what to do in situations like this. First, Stewart would not have wandered off to have a brief fling with the director of her next big flick, because she would know it was wrong and know there would be very nasty consequences for her and her family. And for forgiveness, she would know where to go: the Church and Confession.
Her brothers and Rob would know what to do, too: at the very least, re-arrange Mr. Sander’s face. Now, why did he arrange a tryst in a public park in the back of a car… if not to flaunt his own ability to bed a young girl. I don’t think he understood Robsten’s fame, though. It was, for him, an amusing risk, a trip down high school memory lane.
And why did Stewart go along with this very public venue anyway???
Anyway, perhaps Sanders exemplifies the end game of this sexual dance in modern western society.
Hey, thread 8 was supposed to be a reply to you.
I hope Sanders and the subsequent discussion, which is still raging–Olympics underway and Robsten is still the most viewed story at The Daily Telegraph–but I’m not optimistic.
One of the major problems with our society is our reluctance to hold women accountable foe their transgressions. Yes the older man is guilty and should be held accountable for his actions but Kristen Stewart is not a helpless victim. She made a choice to cheat on her boyfriend. She is as equally responsible for the affair as the man.
I don’t want to absolve her. She is responsible. She is old enough to have known better. But I don’t agree that she is equally culpable as Sanders. She was stupid, thoughtless, and short sited. Sanders, because of his commitments, his age and therefore supposed wisdom, he was willfully ignorant, willfully blind.
Hi, Leslie. I have followed your posts with interest and, actually, much relief that I am already a member of this choir. However, I am now wondering if my plan for the kiddos will be enough. I like the book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, by Laura Schlessinger. My plan for the boys, don’t marry a woman unwilling to read and embrace this book. For baby girl, shouldn’t marry unless she believes in the message. IF they follow this advice, I hope they will find others so inclined.
Of course you are a member of this choir. You dragged me to the rehearsals. We do need to have a chat about what to tell the children about getting married. That’s some of the posts I’m’ supposed to be writing–as soon as school starts. Made an exception for this because it was trending hard. Anyway, I did a series Someday A Marriage WIthout Regrets. It saved me more than once. It made me picky about the right things. Otherwise, the best I’ve got for the moment is to always worry more about the wife you are than the husband you have and find a man who thinks the same about himself. I think I might have stolen that from you, actually.
Go check my response to heathermc, too. That will chill your blood.
“Now, why did he arrange a tryst in a public park in the back of a car… if not to flaunt his own ability to bed a young girl.” I’m sorry I didn’t think of this earlier–my husband actually came up with it at lunch–by Sanders is a real vampire. That was the original root of the vampire myths–beings that sucked the blood of young women in order to retain their own youth. He was looking for that thrill of first kisses, things that he should have moved beyond. I excerpted a Times of London article a man wrote about turning 50, which is relevant here. http://americanhousewifeinlondon.blogspot.com/2011/01/you-get-happier-with-each-decade.html
Why did she go along with the venue? Because she is stupid. Ok, a bit of that, but also, I bet she trusted him, the older man, understanding and wise as well as new and thrilling. He’d protect her, right? I have no problem imagining how a young woman fell for this. Sure, she’s old enough to have known better. Of course she could have resisted. But sometimes, once the moment starts, our submission shocks us. This is when hard and fast rules are helpful, so we don’t get into the moment. Two stories to make your blood cold, one from a woman lured into a bar and another from an anon serial rapist. (h/t to Instapundit for the latter)
http://www.salon.com/2010/04/24/dirty_pictures_of_me/
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/x6yef/reddits_had_a_few_threads_about_sexual_assault/c5jtt3p
Have you reviewed “Snow White and the Huntsman”? I would be very interested in your take on this.
Those 2 articles you reference are truly awful, but very true to life.
No I didn’t. I didn’t get to Brave either even though they both had some good discussion points, such as Snow realizing that she was a symbol of hope (think Katniss) and whether the people should hunker down and preserve their “freedom” within the Duke’s walls or rise to fight for actual freedom–that should have been the theme for the whole movie. Both got stale before I could write. I’ll see if I can’t get a catch up piece up at my blog in the next week or so. I doubt Lifestyle would want it since they are stale, unless I can pull them in with some of the women stuff I am working on… I should be able to do that thought I might have to rewatch the darn thing. I want kudos if you make me watch that glowing deer with the tree branches tied to it’s head again.
The glowing deer, and then suddenly shot (dead?) and never referred to again. Or before, either. Actually, I was hoping you could clarify that for me.
That’s the one. Sorry dear, I’ve got nothing. The whole thing had a “You will be the land, and the land will be you,” sense about it, if they’d actually set the story up. It is like the writers never took storytelling 101.
Please Heather, tell me you are in Houston and say going to the Cruz watch night tomorrow. Granted watching Cruz win will be exciting (it looks good right now), but I’d love to talk storytelling with you.
sorry, I am heading to my home in Canada’s North.
Yup, that whole lovely green interlude, great little fairies, etc etc, and then on to a medieval seaside battle (after that great white deer was murdered (by whom?? by what?? and why??).
And Ari’s note is so interesting. I am a mystery book fan, and I would LOVE to see a full layout of those photos, in order of their being taken.
As to the few interjections by today’s feminists (eg,#15), they are oddly thin of implication and meaning. They have outlived their day.
No, it’s fueled by the fact that women, even if they are dating someone rich and handsome and the object of desire of many, which opt to date for someone more powerful and married. Women are attracted to guys who are “taken”. Studies have shown it, not to mention real life experience of probably every guy.
“Culture creates the mistrust and resentment, which it then uses as evidence of the weakness of marriage. Notice a pattern yet?”
Yes. For years now. Can the factions whose interests these lies serve be mentioned?
Name and shame away. Most of us know, but sometimes it helps to be specific.
What an interesting topic. And, for me, who married young, I am deeply satisfied with the history that A and I share – heading into year 22 next month. IMO, the external search for worthiness and its associated bad karma are to blame. Why infidelity happens in the first place baffles me. And, knock on wood, I hope to never be on either end of this situation. Just sucks all around.
well, since she confesses to being a banal, poorly- educated Valley Girl- smoking pot and so on- while Rob is very well- educated, he paid for his own schooling out of Harry Potter funds, as well as being disciplined to learn piano and guitar from a fairly early age- six comes to mind- I wouldn’t think it’s a particularly comfortable pairing, in private life, for either of them.
While the director had only done commercials. He’s shown he’s fly-weight, to be honest. He should have known breaking a very lucrative franchise- that would be Robsten- would likely mean he’s not going to direct any more high-profile movies. He’s a tool. Look at his weak little face? Blank, foolish, slack. And, well, he’s banal, too. He wooed Kristen Stewart with flattery- giving her a book on Joan of Arc that he, himself, had not read.
She’s been working quite steadily since she was 12. She was friends with Catherine Hardwicke. She’s interested in the director’s work. I don’t know that she finds the objects ( that would be actors) half as fascinating as subjects (that would be directors). We don’t expect anyone to marry male strippers, for instance.
And, well, duennas, and sheltered young women…. we don’t know that she expected to be set upon by a passionate older man. She might likely have just thought this was a friendly meeting. And, well, in public means-not in private- which means there are limits. Did he promise a new role? Was she hoping to limit the physical contact?
Was this a blackmail operation, as well? I’ve got photos of you and me? I get to direct you next, or else? I know- far- fetched, but I tend to class older, married men who prey upon young women as revolting creeps with no limits or sense of decency.
We had all wished Kristen and Rob the most felicity and happiness, b/c they had brought a lovely book to movie-life. If they have a messier, more real private life- again- we wish them all health, and hope they find happiness.
Ari, you have brought up an aspect that I think of as the CSI question: the public place, in a PARK for gracious sake. As many disappointed twihards have noted, Kristen wore a hat given to her by Rob. And put this together with Loftis’ links back at #8, well, this was definitely not a rape, but it could very well be an example of female passivity in the face of a determined, insistent onslaught by an older, more powerful (ie, director of a movie) man. I know, she wasn’t tied down, she surely should have said no, and she is after all a Valley Girl, whose mother’s idea of a cool movie would be where Kristen acts as a transexual. Kristen didn’t have a lot of protection in this scenario, moral or actual.
Like you, I am sorry the fairy tale pairing hasn’t worked out, but I wish both of them the best in their lives.
“Blank, foolish, slack. And, well, he’s banal, too. He wooed Kristen Stewart with flattery- giving her a book on Joan of Arc that he, himself, had not read.” Well said. I’ve never understood that giving someone a book you haven’t read, except something like a crime novel to your brother because he likes crime novels. It falsely flatters both giver and recipient and is a tell that giver probably has some significant issues.
And I hadn’t thought that she’d agree to a park because it imposed limits. For the rest of us women, non-famous ones, that is an excellent and often recommended way for us to set limits. Now that you mention it, a married friend recently had her husband, we think, set some handy cad on her. We were worried that the husband (a really terrible guy) was trying to get blackmail separation pictures. Its a bad story, but the similar point here is that a mature mid-30′s woman was having a hard time getting aggressive guy off of her in public. Pictures would have been similar to this. She was just meeting him for an after work drink after they had met about 2 weeks prior.
And answering Heather here too, that lack of protection is something I noticed when she first caught my eye. The women she mentions looking up to, they all have something going for them, not usually their personal life though. She like most young girls doesn’t have a lot of protection. I’m reminded of the ending of Caitlin Flanagan’s Are You There God? It’s Me, Monica, an article about blow job nation. She ended it with: “And here are America’s girls: experienced beyond their years, lacking any clear message from the adult community about the importance of protecting their modesty, adrift in one of the most explicitly sexualized cultures in the history of the world. Here are America’s girls: on their knees.”
“[S]exual behavior reinforced by the slew of willing women who tolerate being used as sex toys and then discarded…” Wait wait wha? Where were these women when I was in my twenties? “Slew” my rear end–where was one of them even? I DEMAND A DAMNED REFUND FOR MY TWENTIES!
Thank I’ll go drink. Again.
I really disagree with a lot of what you wrote. I’m not sure why a single celebrity break up warrants this much attention and blame on society. We have, after all, no real idea why she did what she did – the assumption that you know not only her motives but the driving forces behind them is astonishing. Directors have been having flings with their leading ladies for decades. This is not new.
For every woman in her 30′s reminiscing of the one that got away, you have 10 women in their 40′s wishing they’d spent more of their 20′s developing themselves and their character instead of focused on a man and making a relationship work. Not sleeping around – that is an overgeneralization you have made, based on what you see on TV, I presume.
I know plenty of women who spent their 20′s traveling, pursuing their careers, meeting interesting people, etc. – and sifting through a whole bunch of guys who really needed to grow up. Sex is not the singular appeal of remaining single. And if “the one that got away” was so great to begin with, a broken heart wouldn’t change him into someone with absolutely no character and morals. We all pine for the puppy love of days gone by – it was simple. That’s all.
I also think the view that there are all these wonderful, ready and willing guys in their 20′s who want to couple off is out of touch. You might as well marry a teenager as a man in his 20′s – they are equally ready for a serious commitment. Besides, men are told the same thing women are – use your 20′s to live it up. A man in his 20′s settling down? Talk about an intervention. They can drag out the fun and no responsibility phase of their 20′s well into their 40′s! And many do. They have no biological clock to worry about, after all. They tend to flock together with the men who got married in their 20′s and divorced in their 30′s after 2 kids.
All of these generalizations don’t even apply here anyways because these two are celebrities, which are a screwy bunch to be in relationships to begin with. They are narcissistic and egotistical. Add in the young age of these two and this relationship always had a shelf date. All celebrity romances do! To blame their demise on some kind of society shortfall is too much of a stretch for me. I don’t buy it.
I have no quibble with the fact that 20something men and women don’t act like they are ready for commitment. You, and many others, tend to think it is because 20 something’s are inherently immature. That is not the case. They are immature because we expect them to be immature. It is a romantic version of the soft bigotry of low expectations.
As for if he was so great to begin with, a broken heart wouldn’t do such damage. A broken heart is capable of extreme damage. When you out your trust in someone and they betray it, that betrayal is a potent force.
What was most noticeable to Stephenie Meyer when she visited the set of the Twilight movies is how humble and level-headed all, and I do mean ALL, of the actors were. They were low- earning, everyday budget actors. The early fans, likewise, noted that the actors were all really decent, kind people.
Ms Stewart had done art films. Mr Pattinson had done heart-throb films. How were they to know that a Summit (a low-budget film factory responsible for such movies as American Pie) had just caught lightning in a bottle? Since Amanda Seyfriend and Heath Ledger had just done Letters to Juliet for Summit- at a nearly straight to video commercial run- they hadn’t a clue. It was Catherine Hardwicke’s first big commercial foray. She did the first movie- at starting director pay- and then got taken off the franchise, in favor a male director. Catherine Hardwicke had done Lords of Dogtown, a documentary, previously. A gritty, cheap documentary financed by a shoe company. Are you seeing ego there, or scrambling and crafstmanship?
The scriptwriter was a tv writer on summer leave. Again, cheap. She didn’t get the attraction, either. She still doesn’t. You talk about the willful blindness of movie reviewers when faced with Batman? Try the willful blindness of a liberal screenwriter when faced with Mormon, all-in for all eternity love. And yet, she still brings strengths to the project.
Hollywood is an industry. In some ways, a very frightening industry: it’s built on piecework. We’ve off-shored most other piecework industries- clothing manufacturing, seasonal heavy manufacturing. We aren’t too thrilled with temp workers in offices. The gov’t sued Microsoft for using temps. Yet, somehow, Hollywood rattles on, and we slam the workers for poor character.Michael Caine, the British acting institution? Have you ever read any of his interviews? The near panic? He worked continuously, for decades, in nauseating fear that it would all end. Do you know of a single postal clerk with that level of fear? Or even that work ethic? Me neither.
The one really sad thing is that Ms Steward and Mr Pattinson were likely blessed with an early understanding. And yet they weren’t aware that they needed the meandering private time of a regular courtship. I think the saddest thing I’ve read is that they were having to touch base about this in the back of the Teen Choice Awards auditorium. There weren’t any private place for them to connect. or time. or breathing space for vulnerability. I really pity them. Tweets aren’t epistles examining this and that.
Like,say, Mr Pattinson had signed on for Water for Elephants. A good project, built from a novel, produced by Reese Witherspoon, who ought to know her way around young married. When she was interviewed about the love scenes, she complained about him being a bit grimy- dirt under his fingernails. She’s not mentioning the final movie cut. Nope, Ms Witherspoon had hoped to play with Ms Stewarts’ toys, and get away with it, b/c it was filmed, and there were onlookers and she could claim professionalism. Commenting about him not being a perfect Ken doll for her to molest…..yet, somehow, Mr Pattinson can’t call his girlfriend and say, Oh, this makes me uneasy. He can say ” I miss you.” But there isn’t any language for unease. There isn’t a set script for ” this might be my job, but something else insidious is going on and I don’t understand, and I am uneasy.” That’s what a meandering conversation might have done. Maybe. Surely Ms Stewart has had moments of unease. I know it’s standard when an actor has unease for a director or producer to talk him or her into violating their conscience. Both actors in Brokeback Mountain were queasy, and desperate to do a “high-brow” literary film. The actors in Magic Mike had to be talked out of their discomfort.
Then, add in the visits to strip bars?
Ms Stewart sees the director in public. She drops him off two blocks from his house. Then she tries to proceed to ignore it. We don’t know that she went home and tried to scrub off the lust-grime sweated onto her by a married, presumably safe, man. Did she expect a wolf? I doubt it. We’ve always thought young women could not imagine the heaving lusts of older, married men. That’s what duennas were for.
We created the notion of the hardened working girl, or the sexless working eunuch, or the self- protective professional b/c we needed workers, not because it has ever been true. The Lowell mills? The first US factories employing a great many women? Had chaperones. Blue-stockings? Are the progenitor of hysterical female repressed intellectual sorts. Try convincing anyone that Louisa May Alcott, or even Emily (poetess, last name blank) had lustful thoughts towards men they worked around. It’s easier to contemplate Lizzie Borden killing her parents, than lustful blue-stockings. Or, think of Joan on Mad Men. Or Helen Gurley Brown, counselling secretaries to steal husbands. Why was it emasculating for men to type, but now- even wives support tech education? Do wives want emasculated husbands, or do they want to keep their husbands, even if it means firing all the little husband-stealing “mouseburgers.”
She hasn’t said ‘I love him.” She’s said ” I respect that he took a plan and made a movie.” That’s diplomatic actor-speak. Notice how all sorts of people “respect” Roman Polanski, but they don’t fly their daughters out to screen tests with him?
and you might want to work on your self- fulfilling prophecy part. I’ve been offered marriage by literally every guy I had dated from age 16 to 26, when I finally found Mr Completely Right. I could have quite easily, and happily, married most of them, and they would have been happy, as well. Some offers were on the first date, or even before. They were serious offers, with rings and rocks and car keys and visits to houses, resumes laid out, stock options, earnings, academic awards,phD thesis explained. business revenues, the works.
I am not a striking beauty. My friends and roommates have been models, so they are certified, paid-cash beauties. I’m not particularly of good character or sweetness or submissiveness, or whatever the formula for winning a guy is, these days. I’m short, poor, with a GED, spottily educated, unfashionably dressed, and wear glasses. Oh, crummy haircuts, no highlights, seldom makeup, am I leaving anything out? raised fundamentalist, with no tv, so socially not with it, not able to make tv quote snaps. no car. not even a bicycle, at the time. so no “cheerful sporty type” business.
What I was was perfectly up-front, honest and straightforward about wanting to get married, have kids, raise them well. I could cook. Not truffles and oil. Thanksgiving, roast chicken, pot roast- every-day food. And did cook- usually second date.
And I was interested in what they were doing, each and every one.Like, read up and read professional journals and pop news, on his subjects. And I believe in flirting, and making out without going all the way. And, if I didn’t wish to continue, I made sure he had another, more suitable girls phone number and a great introduction. Or a professional connection he needed, if he was someone I couldn’t match.
In other words, that guy was the most important and interesting thing in my world, while he was in my world. And not in a creepy “woogie woogie woogie call me and my puppy woogie” kind of way. They knew the freight costs- marriage and children.
For some guys- this was the first time anyone had been interested in them, at all, in any way, shape or form. I find it sad that I was more interested and positive than a number of these guys mothers.
And, no, these were not losers. or betas, or whatever the term of abuse is these days.
Try it, you might like it.
I got to marry the man of my dreams. The only problem with the kids is that I wish there were more of them.
My daughter has two goals in life: own a variety of businesses, and be a housewife and mother. I expect she’ll be happy as well. This beats the snot out of my dad’s ex, who is raising her daughter to shop, plans on a corporate business career, and considers men expendable. She already is considered a slutty b****, and she’s only 14. Her mom set her up for failure in life. Her own mother- and brothers- and friends- are the ones calling her a slutty B****. Can you imagine what a train-wreck her life is likely to be?
manjaw’s gotta manjaw