Editor’s Note: PJLifestyle has recently agreed to a content sharing agreement with the blog Sunny Points Memo, the journalism wing of Sunny TV. Each week we will be featuring various hard-hitting journalistic reports from Sunny’s team of 21st century Woodward and Bernsteins.
For a few weeks now, droves of people have camped out on Wall Street protesting, er, well, lots of stuff — some of it contradictory. Even though they have no clear message, the enigmatic Occupy Wall Street protest has from the beginning appeared like a well-orchestrated, well-funded endeavor, complete with paid organizers, lawyers, equipment and supplies, medical station, pretty maps, website, Twitter, lots of cardboard and Sharpie pens on hand, and a toll free information number.
But looks can be deceiving. In an effort to establish just who is behind the movement, how it began, and its actual goals, we caught up with one of the first on the scene and it turns out the protest was not planned. A group of young, unemployed college graduates were heading to the circus to look for work. They took a wrong turn, and ended up on Wall Street. Things have merely snowballed since then.
John Stringer is a 24 year old from Philadelphia. He and a gaggle of friends were attempting to navigate their way to the circus without the use of any GPS, because they shun all man-made goods, so they took the train for a while, then a car, then hired a taxi, and somewhere along the line took at least one wrong turn. “We were trying to go to the circus, because…well, because it’s fun! And because, maybe they’d give us jobs, because, like, no one else will. And we, like, we have tattoos and s**t, and like, our clothes aren’t from Brooks Brothers, so no one will hire us to do normal s**t. But f**k it, we don’t want to do normal s**t anyway! We’re like snowflakes. We are all unique. The circus appreciates that, but like, now, we’re getting fed so we’ll stay here and hold up some signs until they run out of food to give us. Maybe we can stay here all year. This is so cool, man.”
According to John and his friends, when they arrived they weren’t sure just what to do or how to backtrack and go to the circus. So they started doing tai chi in the park and then several TV news crews showed up because, hey, that’s weird. As John tells it, it was a reporter who put the protest idea in their head in the first place, asking, “ So are you guys here because of corporate greed and anger at Wall Street for your joblessness?” “Hell, yeah!” was their answer.
Since that first interview, people have just spontaneously risen up and headed to Wall Street, including people who aren’t “organizers” — they’re just really organized. Big labor unions, including the government union SEIU, have thrown in their massive and taxpayer funded support for their anti-taxpayer agenda. A rep from SEIU, Oren Sugarland, commented yesterday down at the protest, “We think people would approve of our message of tearing down Wall Street. Because wouldn’t they all rather be employed by the government? Hell yeah they would! Benefits up the wazoo! Retirement? BAM! Paid for. Health care? BAM! You got it. Job security where you don’t have to work very hard? Done! All you got to do is sign away your life to us. I mean, sign up!”
As the protests grow and become organized, not-organizers are trying to control the message. As rumors of George Soros’ involvement spread, non-organizing organized insiders insist, “All of this has just sprung up from the interconnected consciousness of the dregs of society, I mean, the unemployed public. It is slanderous to say otherwise. It is not impossible to create a website, maps, Twitter account, buy loads of supplies, recruit medical staff, and rally thousands of people in a few days.”
John and his gaggle confirm that they “didn’t think this protest up themselves as individuals.” John’s friend Jenny Morgan said, “It’s from the collective consciousness, you know, where we are all interconnected (unless you are from Wall Street, then your connection has become broken)…what was I saying? Oh, yeah, because a sign just materialized in my hands saying Kill the Greedy Wall Street Workers, and food has just magically appeared, and I am feeling so much love right now.” Gushed Jenny: “It’s a beautiful thing. It was our destiny to come here which is why we got lost. This is a much better circus than the circus we were going to.”
Disclaimer: This is satire. All interviews, speculations, quotes, and exclamations were obtained in the 4th dimension, in the world of what might have been. It is not to be regarded as a reflection of what any actual, 1st dimension, i.e., reality right now, people or persons said in real life, for real. In other words, it’s all fake.
Sunny is a political satirist whose videos have been getting a lot of attention in the blogosphere. Find out more about Sunny by checking out her blog, House of Sunny. And enjoy her most recent Youtube hit here: