May 9, 2014

IS THIS THE POLITICAL THEATER YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR? They say Bill Clinton is going to do a public apology to Monica Lewinsky. I look forward to the scenery chewing.

ADDED: At my home blog — where I also blogged this rumor — a commenter named Biff said: “If true, we have clear confirmation of the genesis of Monica’s recent re-emergence.” That would be Theory #2 out of the 5 theories I posited 2 days ago. I took a poll, and 50% of the respondents chose Theory #2.

ALSO back at the home blog — sorry!! — I’m soliciting scripts for Bill’s (possibly) forthcoming apology. From a commenter I particularly like — the commenter I married, Meade — here’s a proposed apology script I particularly like:

I apologize for letting you, in my moment of weakness, seduce me. And I’m sorry that it led Hillary to calling you a “narcissistic loony toon.”

As you know, I had been brought low by the then recent deaths of my mother, Hillary’s father and our close friend Vince Foster, as well as by political attacks from Republicans. I’m sorry for Republicans being, you know, Republicans. I don’t know why there even has to be Republicans.

A psychologist Hillary talked to suggested that the roots of my infidelity lay in my childhood, particularly the struggle between my mother and my grandmother over who would have the privilege of raising me. Obviously, I won the struggle.

I regret that Rand Paul has accused me of using my position of authority to take advantage of young women in the workplace. None of them were that young.

You, I, and Hillary all know that my (consensual) affair with you was not a power relationship and was not sex within any real meaning (standup, liedown, oral, etc.) of the term. So, sorry — you’ll have to get over it.

Anyway, sorry. Or, you know, whatever.