IOWAHAWK REPORTS ON HIS PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN:

For your information Mr. / Ms.Smarty Pants, instead of bombarding you with attack ads and TV spin doctors and donation pleas, I’ve been quietly doing the precise thing a Presidential candidate should do — working on the issues that matter to snide ingrates like you. Yes, while you were mesmerized by the hubbub and fooferaw of the so-called “major party” nominating races, I was with my hand-picked ‘trailer cabinet’ of key policy advisors, putting together our 400-point specific Change Contract For Hopeful American Greatness Renewal.

His “energy policy” is a bold one:

As the only remaining viable presidential candidate with a bitchin’ hot rod, I know all too well the “pinch at the pump” that has affected so many American motorists. Basic Economistry 101 tells us that prices are a function of “supply” and “demand.” Drilling and exploration are important, but this only addresses the “supply” side of the equation. We must also tackle our insatiable “demand” for energy. Thanks to my Piranha Doctrine foreign policy, America’s military will be freed up to go after America’s worst energy demand scofflaws — the celebrity asshole community. Under my administration the Joint Chiefs of Staff will be directed to treat as hostile all private jets flying into Los Angeles airspace, backed up with coordinated pinpoint bombing of mansions and Priuses within the Malibu triangle. Not only will this reduce prices at the pump, it will increase the supply of much needed scrap metal and lumber.

I think it’s polling at around 90% approval.