November 24, 2003

JONAH GOLDBERG WARNS PEOPLE not to get too carried away with the whole “South Park Republican” thing. Plus, he makes an offer that, er, can be refused:

If conservatives have such a lock on the culture these days, as Al Gore, Al Franken, and others keep insisting, why don’t we just switch sides? The Left can have Fox News, the Wall Street Journal op-ed page, the lavish offices of National Review and The Weekly Standard, as well as Sean Hannity’s and Rush Limbaugh’s airtime. The gangs at the American Enterprise Institute and the Heritage Foundation will clear out their desks, give John Podesta the code to the Xerox machine, and tell Eric Alterman where to buy the best gyros.

In return, we’d like the keys to the executive bathrooms at ABC, CBS and NBC, please. We’d like the cast of Fox and Friends to take over The Today Show’s studios (“and tell Couric to take her Cabbage Patch dolls with her!”). We want Ramesh Ponnuru as the editor of the New York Times and Rich Lowry can have his choice between Time and Newsweek. Matt Labash will get Esquire and let’s set up Rick Brookhiser at Rolling Stone (that way they won’t have to change their drug coverage). Andrew Sullivan can have The New York Times Magazine. Robert Bork will be the dean of the Yale Law School and the faculty of Hillsdale and Harvard will simply switch places.

Can I have Maureen Dowd’s column?

UPDATE: Arnold Kling wants dibs on Krugman’s slot.