THERE IS NO WAY SATIRE CAN IMPROVE UPON REAL LIFE FOR ITS PURE ABSURDITY:

Satire: “Pardoned White House Turkey Defects To ISIS.”

—DuffelBlog, yesterday.

Real Life:

Speaking at his annual Thanksgiving turkey pardoning on Wednesday, President Barack Obama joked about raising teenage daughters, his critics and the 2016 presidential race.

“As you may have heard, for months, there has been a fierce competition between a bunch of turkeys trying to win their way into the White House,” Obama said.

Following a long pause and some laughter he added, “some of you caught that.”

Obama pardoned two California-raised turkeys, named “Honest” and “Abe,” who will retire to a historic farm in Leesburg, Virginia, rather than end up on Americans’ Thanksgiving tables.

The turkeys were raised by Dr. Jihad Douglas, whom Obama referred to as “Dr. Douglas,” side-stepping the man’s first name, which can refer to spreading Islam through violence. Obama referred to a second turkey farmer, Joe Hedden, by his first and last names.

—Reuters, Wednesday.

Pictured standing to Obama’s right in this photo at the National Turkey Federation Website, Dr. Jihad Douglas is the federation’s current chairman, and president of Aviagen Turkeys, Inc.