December 18, 2013

LATELY, THE ONION HASN’T REALLY SEEMED MUCH LIKE A PARODY SITE: 30-Year-Old Has Earned $11 More Than He Would Have Without College Education.

After accounting for the cost of tuition, four years of lost earning potential, and the minimal increase in salary an undergraduate degree provides, 30-year-old local man Patrick Moorhouse has, at this point in his life, earned $11 more than he would have had he not attended college at all, an independent study confirmed today. “All told, Patrick’s B.A. in Political Science translates to about $5,000 more in annual wages, but when you account for his student loan payments, including his 6 percent interest rate, his degree from a respected four-year university amounts to slightly more than 10 extra bucks in his wallet,” said researcher Ken Overton, adding that had Moorhouse been accepted to his more prestigious first-choice college, his earnings would have totaled $54 more than if he had never enrolled in higher education.

Like I said. . . .

UPDATE: For example, this isn’t from The Onion: Harvard student charged in bomb threat studies ‘partisan taunting.’ “Harvard’s Institute for Quantitative Social Science lists Kim as a psychology major studying partisan taunting who is also pursuing a secondary in Japanese.”