PRACTICE SAFE FARTING: Fart deodorizers. “Flat-D disposable fart deodorizers are the product that people with digestive disorders have been dreaming of. There is no cure for gas, but this product is a simple solution which will allow everyone to fart with confidence. Just place the pad inside your underwear and let your gaseous emissions activate the carbon in the Flat-D pad, which absorbs and masks fart odor. For additional flatulence support at work, you can purchase Flat-D chair pad. I know some people whose lives will be changed by the Flat-D, although I’m not mentioning any names.”

UPDATE: Reader Paul McKerley writes: “FWIW, you won’t find this in Taubes or Atkins, but my experience, and that of other I’ve spoken to, is that a low-carb diet almost entirely eliminates flatulence. It also cured my acid reflux, which was eating away my oesophagus, and for which proton-pump inhibitors had rapidly diminishing effectivenss.”

And reader Alan LeWinter writes: “Do they make a Biden Brain Fart version?” It’s science, not magic. There are limits.