January 20, 2012

21ST CENTURY RELATIONSHIPS: Hitting your Sex Occurrence Quotas.

Well, that’s one approach to maintenance sex.

UPDATE: I’m leaving out the names even though they didn’t request it. But a female reader emails:

Let me tell you, the “quickie” saved my marriage. I read about it in the book “Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus” years ago where the author explains how important the sex act is to the man and that the woman should give into the quickie.

Best…I mean BEST…sex advice I ever received!!! Long live the quickie!!

Meanwhile, a male reader writes:

While our “N” of 1 (or, more accurately, 2!) can hardly prove or disprove the authors’ thesis, I completely concur with their view, as does my wife.

We are both psychiatrists, who started out as family doctors, and have been together for 38 years, happily married for 36 of those, and have raised our four male children, all of whom turned out healthy, prosperous and well (thank God!).

We have been blessed throughout with a gloriously happy sexual relationship, where the male partner clearly “needs it” more often that the female partner, but far from creating tension or dissatisfaction, coming to grips (as it were!) with this difference has enriched the relationship, and both of us could not be happier.

We both agree that our relationship has also, as a sort of bonus, made it possible for us to help couples in our work who are having conflict in their sex lives.

I doubt that many people get divorced because they’re having sex too often.

ANOTHER UPDATE: Okay, she actually asks that I not use her name:

Yep, you helped our marriage, too. After seeing the book that you mentioned, my husband bought it for me (us?). Then, maybe six months ago, you also linked to some guy who blogged about having sex like every day of his fifteen year marriage, or something. Anyway, it hit me that his wife just never said no. So I thought, as an experiment, I’d just not say no. Not necessarily be the initiator, but never say no. I have to tell you my husband is probably the happiest man I know. I’m not exactly unhappy, either. I have come the the conclusion that women vastly, vastly underestimate the good they can do for the men they love by just saying yes.

It’s funny–you don’t blog about sex too much, but it is very effective when you do! Keep up the good work, on all fronts.

Doing my best here.

MORE:

Please withhold name, of course!

Hi Glenn,
My husband and I assume that we’ll have sex every night (he’s an early riser, so this means that if I have any project to do in the evening, I do it after we have sex and he falls asleep). That’s one of the “big rocks” in our daily jar. If a day is missed here or there, it’s ok because there is plenty of opportunity. I think it has a very positive effect on our overall well-being, and keeps a close, affectionate bond between us.

Needless to say, his first wife maintained an “artificial shortage” to keep up the imagined value of sex with her. That’s hell on a man with a strong drive.

Perhaps that has something to do with her status as first wife.

STILL MORE: Related thoughts here.