December 9, 2011

HMM: Mysterious planet-sized object spotted near Mercury.

Theorists have seized on the images captured from the “coronal mass ejection” (CME) last week as suggestive of alien life hanging out in our own cosmic backyard. Specifically, the solar flare washing over Mercury appears to hit another object of comparable size. “It’s cylindrical on either side and has a shape in the middle. It definitely looks like a ship to me, and very obviously, it’s cloaked,” YouTube-user siniXster said in his video commentary on the footage, which has generated hundreds of thousands of views this week. Now, how this user was able to determine that the object was “obviously” a cloaked spaceship with no other natural explanation remains as much a mystery as the object itself.

I suspect it’s connected to the alien base on Saturn, and that mysterious explosion on Uranus. And, of course, the alien probe that whizzed by Earth. Then there were those mysterious happenings in the Gulf.

Science fiction story idea, along the lines of Charlie Stross’s CASE NIGHTMARE GREEN backstory: All sorts of bizarre phenomena today are explained by secret preparations for alien attack. The “Food Pyramid” approach that has produced worldwide obesity is actually meant to fatten people up to prepare for post-apocalyptic food shortages. The “Financial Crisis” is actually a manipulation to cover up large sums of money going to the alien defense effort. And, of course, the Iraq War was really about getting access to a crashed alien spaceship that Saddam wouldn’t share. (Oh, wait — that one’s true, according to an unimpeachable source.) Etc., etc. To my science fiction author readers: No payment needed, but if you write this one, make me a minor character or something.

UPDATE: I’m not the only one who picked up on the USDA/Space Alien connection.

ANOTHER UPDATE: All of Obama’s gun-control talk? Just a ruse to get Americans to stock up on guns and ammo before the alien attack! Face it, more people bought guns than would have if Obama had come right out and encouraged it . . . .

YET ANOTHER UPDATE: This “weird jet-propelled space object” is either an alien probe — or perhaps a test flight of one of our experimental alien-interceptors.

Oh, and lookie here: Cassini Spies Mysterious Object Named ‘Peggy’ at Edge of Saturn’s Rings. We’ve all read Footfall, right?

MORE: Cloaking Device activated!

Plus, I was expecting an Earth-shattering kaboom!