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Dr. Helen

What Should a Men’s Movement Look Like?

April 15th, 2013 - 4:53 am

That is the question a reader asked me recently and I thought I would share his email with you and see what suggestions you have:

Hello Dr. Helen. I just read your review of Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men into Boys and although I haven’t read the book, I agree 110% [I assume here he is agreeing with my viewpoint, not with Hymowitz's book]. But what can I, as a member of the discriminated class, do about it? And how can we keep the emerging movement for male rights from simply becoming another force of sexism like what happened to the women’s rights movement? I don’t want this to turn into some cyclic war of the sexes, I just want some equality. What are some major areas where women still face sexism and what can I do about it? I really think that the key to a long-term solution could be fighting for the rights of both sexes simultaneously. But is such a “bipartisan” solution even still possible? Or do we just have to hope that the number of feminists and masculists will even out? And if we could form a movement toward true equality what would we call ourselves? Having a gender-based name for a group that is ostensibly fighting sexism is what let feminism get this corrupt in the first place – by assuming patriarchy as an inviolable axiom. We dare not repeat their mistake and simply reverse the current discrimination in the coming generations, that is why I never joined the masculist movement.

As I talked to men around the country for my book Men on Strike: Why Men Are Boycotting Marriage, Fatherhood, and the American Dream – and Why It Matters, I thought about the men’s movement or the lack of one. What should a men’s movement look like? What would motivate a man to join? Currently, men seem to be opting out of the system and that may be good for individuals but probably not for society, though perhaps if society doesn’t value men, why should men care? On the other hand, if men pose no push-back on their declining rights and freedom, it could harm them as individuals and as a group further. Any ideas on what a successful men’s movement would look like are welcome.

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Top Rated Comments   
Certainly I'm one of the men on a marriage strike, among other odd manifestations of the destruction of family and male diminishment. And my older son quickly learned in college to simply keep his head down, smile in praise of his indoctrination, and light out for the territories. He knows all about the 'game' that is now male-female interaction, which perhaps has rendered him even more cynical than his father is.

And I'm a guy who's been cleaned out twice in divorce, both times by professional women with more money than I have, and the second time by a woman who earned a multiple of my annual income -- I pay child support to her, the court required me to rent a spare house 250 miles away after the ex- moved with my youngest child, and now she has placed a child abuse complaint (absent evidence) in order to prevent my seeing my son. If she stepped foot in Virginia she could probably be arrested for willful contempt of a custody order, but haha, why would she do that? It makes no more sense than remembering to tell me that she had stopped using birth control.

So some rational, emotionally intelligent response to this is meaningless, and because the judiciary, ATLA, social work, entertainment, media and school infrastructures are so left-wing today, I really doubt even changing the law will matter. These issues won't be studied, reported, or confronted by the intelligentsia. (Family law judges make it up as they go along now, choosing a favorite (usually the woman), and turning the father into an absentee ATM machine). The whole idea of a technocratic or legal fix to these issues is, to me, an extremely naive idea. Just as Paglia said that leaving sex to the feminists is like leaving your dog at the taxidermists, leaving mens rights to a hackneyed political process is unlikely to produce many prancing bundles of joy. Children will be produced in quantity by the underclass, whose females are married to the state; the cognitive elite will have their one-two children, an increasing number of which will also opt to be free of the catastrophic effects of this post-feminist culture of divorce and sexual harassment.

I notice that most of my women friends, many of them lefties, are appalled at what happens in divorce if the mother goes feral, with the full faith credit and guns of the state behind her. Perhaps, if enough men check out, they will be the source of change; after all, half of their children have a Y chromosome.

But in general most educated people prefer to look the other way. I suspect truly religious people will still enjoy the benefits of marriage and even-handed partnership -- but pecuniary lust trumps any other kind, once the hypergamy or self-expression-I'm-so-special gene kicks in and a female decides to strip mine her mate and torture him with the hostage-taking of their children.

The real issue here is that any alpha male -- a provider, a leader, a stable mate -- is an object of contempt to the left. Simply being one is to be indictable and convicted, to be a privileged vestige of the patriarchy. The people who think this way are in charge: they own the institutions that need to be changed.

Meanwhile, women continue to divorce their beta males at alarming rates, which puts them in the market for another pair of deep pockets with a functioning package. So at least, if a guy can handle serial unmarried monogamy, he's going to have way more options than he can handle, so long as he keeps things superficial and, well, serial.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I think the first place to start is to not allow feminist entitlement go unchallenged. We all need to find (or even help create) our allies in this fight. To that end start talking with any and all sympathetic parties (mainly other men, but also some women). Once you find such people then lay out the case against female supremacists (aka "feminism") as logically and as calmly as you can. Plant seeds.

We can no longer let feminist illogic and irrationality rule the day. To do this one must have the facts and the arguments down and at the ready. There are many books, websites, youtube channels etc to help hone your argument. Seek them out. Make a point of knowing your stuff. Be calm and rational at all times. Be a happy warrior. Use humor. Feminists hate that!

Men have to start taking chances. We have to be men again. Yes, these feminist women (and the weasel "men" who cater to them) will use every underhanded trick in the book to undermine what you say. Everything but responding to your actual argument. Expect it. They will fight dirty. We must not succumb to their dirty tricks. Learn about logic and rhetoric.

I have full sympathy for "Men Going Their Own Way" (i.e. Going Galt). Yet if that is all we do we are done for. Are we really going to let these morons on the left determine our lives? Even if you often think it is hopeless we need to keep fighting until the end. Their victory is NOT predetermined and inevitable.

Be aware that as a man we are probably biologically and culturally programmed to want to please and protect women.They will use this against us. Do not be fooled! Things will probably need to get far worse before they can get better.

It is time to come out of the shadows and be men again!
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
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I am surprised that no one has pointed out the obvious: virgin marriages where both partners are abstinent until their wedding night have markedly lower divorce rates than the general population (only 5%). Men and women would be happier as individuals and within relationships with each other if we returned to back to this standard.
51 weeks ago
51 weeks ago Link To Comment
If there weren't a live human male involved, one would have to laugh at the shock! shock! this cardboard "feminist" Grossman expresses, when the system she created takes aim at her own son. (She also doesn't have the wits or moral courage sufficient to name the school that fried her son, which means that she doesn't want to be kicked out of the cool kids PC club, even though those kids just marked her son for life.) Somehow it never mattered, and evidently still doesn't matter, that boys and men are routinely destroyed by this legal culture of accusation.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324600704578405280211043510.html?mod=WSJ_article_comments#articleTabs%3Dcomments

I am so glad I got my older son through college. Still, when I delivered him to his fancy summer camp of a university, five years ago, I had to sit down with him and have this discussion:

1. Do not have sex with anyone if anyone has been drinking. Do not be alone with women after 10 p.m. Do not be in small groups that include women after midnight. The first time you have sex with someone should be in the morning.

2. Think I'm crazy son? This university will accuse 4-5 boys a year of assault and throw them out, but never press a criminal case or allow him to defend themselves. Don't be one of them.

That is not the conversation I had with my Dad when I went off to Oberlin a few decades earlier. One of the contemptible features of leftist social engineering is its intrusion into, and corruption of, the innocence of the family. (cf. Lasch, Haven in a Heartless World).

Think there's due process in family law? Watch what happens when an ex-wife trembles and cries to a child welfare bureaucrat that she's "afraid" and that her child is "uncomfortable" with his or her father. Say goodbye to your child. As in the college faux-rape case, because it is impossible to prove a negative, you will fail to prove you are not a monster. Right-thinking females and their simpering male enablers have criminalized the condition of simply being male. Since to exist is to be criminal, there's no reason to bother with procedural fairness when an accusation suffices in proving what everybody already "knows".

I think it's amusing that people here think that following the Golden Rule or forming "Mens Group" is going to do anything to revise this culture. They are in charge. Note to sheep: you are already in the sorting pen. It's too late. The next stop is the stock truck, and its not moving you to greener pastures but the abattoir. Go your own way. Light out. Write your children every day; their mothers won't allow them your letters, but one day, when they are 18, they may arrive at your doorstep (once the government allows them to leave the supervision of their mothers) and you can show them how much you loved them and missed them, every day. It also helps if you are religious, because from time to time you can convince yourself that you will live in eternity with those you love more than life, and who have been removed from you in this life, by people such as Grossman.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
The meaning of "white male privilege"? You are already guilty, of whatever we accuse you of, so SHUT UP. In practical terms this is why it sufficient to accuse, not to convict, of any sin or crime.

In my earlier post I noted that the only hope was that so-called feminist mother's might note the deleterious effects of the system they created, or they would at least get tired of living their PC celibate existences (since they pretend to like, but cannot stand, their beta male camp followers).

But even here, while her son is turned on the spit, she cannot bring herself to confront either her ideology or even the institution that tries to destroy him.

When the victims refuse to confront their abusers, and in fact enable them (as Grossman enables this school's evil behavior), tell me again how treating everyone with kindness or meeting with other destroyed fathers in a church basement and drinking coffee is going to get you anywhere. There's a discussion somewhere about broken eggs and omelette s, I believe, and the girls want their omelettes.

Also, when you have sex with a woman, be sure to exchange happy talk appreciative texts the next day, and save hers.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I would say: be aware that any men's movement will have a large share of a***oles, just as actual man-haters were over-represented in the feminist movement. It's the price we will pay, a weight to bear. But men refusing to respond to the good and bad of feminism is simply not an option.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
As I said before, men are their own worst enemies ... One only has to look at all the hemming and hawing in these comments.

Here is a good writ that givs a glimpse of what we're up against: http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/nation/2010-03-22-split-custody_N.htm

I put forth that every man should join their nearby father's group. In TN, this would DADs of Tennessee ... DADs=Dads Against Discrimination. Bring equal rights to fathers would do more to further men than almost anything else that I can think of.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Why was Mike Mahoney's comment "reported?"

PJM: Your "robo-censor" sucks big time. And that is only one of many complaints.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
No woman needs a woman's movement and no man needs a man's movement. All life is one. Be alike to everyone. And don't get dragooned into factions.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Two things:

Women in America are no longer oppressed or disadvantaged in any significant way. And that applies, for all practical purposes, to any and all other "victimized" and "disadvantaged" groups. What we face nowadays is a constant moving of the goalposts by the "aggrieved" to maintain the advantages they've gained and to gain further power and influence out of all proportrion to reality. As a result of this doubling down we're likely to see a resurgence in the old prejudices that all these activists have been trying to "liberate" us from.

Why should there be a "men's movement" at all? All such a "movement" is going to do is mirror the pattern of all the other grievance group movements, and completely contradict what it is supposed to mean to be a man.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
If a men's advocacy group formed it first has to have a statement of principles it intends to address. Famiily law, gender blind Sexual harrassment law, gender blind meritocracy goals would seem to encompass most of the guidelines needed to form a group.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
i gotta think that the first rule of a men's movement is:

stop asking women for advice.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
The first thing about Fight club, is you do not talk about fight club. Men are not allowed to be men anymore, we have become non PC and are not tolerated. Back in the olden days, men policed their own. If a guy was sexually harassing a woman, another man stepped in to correct him. Now you get arrested for "positively educating" an ignoramus.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
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