Politics requires a sense of humor. On the one hand you have your sacred principles. On the other hand, you have the legion of Bozos, criminals, dirtbags and lowlifes whom you expect to enact those principles into law. If that’s not a recipe for comedy, I don’t know what is.
So we conservatives stand for liberty, the inalienable rights of man, the equality of all people in the eyes of their Creator. And to realize these principles we have the Republicans. If you’re not laughing by now, you’re probably rocketing off the padded walls of your cell. Trust me on this: laugh — you’ll live longer.
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, under apparently zero real threat from primary challenger businessman Matt Bevin, has boldly announced to the New York Times that Tea Party candidates don’t stand a chance in the upcoming midterms. “I think we are going to crush them everywhere,” McConnell blithered to his Timesian pals. ”I don’t think they are going to have a single nominee anywhere in the country.”
What a jerk.
Let’s try a little theological metaphor here. If the Tea Party is the spirit of the Republican Party — i.e., the embodiment of its best ideals — and actual Republicans are like the body — i.e., subject to sin and self-degradation — then guys like McConnell are like one specific part of the body that can’t be mentioned in a family-friendly blog. Okay, maybe that’s not theological. But you know what I mean.
Here’s the thing. I don’t think anyone should be primarying McConnell. I know: he spends too much and he collaborates with Harry Reid on rule changes when he thinks they’ll block conservatives (see the paragraph above). But Bevin is nowhere near toppling him, whereas his race with Democrat opponent Alison Grimes could be close. Even knowing what we know about McConnell, we want him to win rather than lose. That’s politics, folks. That’s just the way it is.
But hey, Mitch, it’d be a lot easier to hold our noses and vote for you if you didn’t stink quite so spectacularly. I mean, bragging to the Times about defeating candidates with more principles than you even dream about having, it just sort of makes you look… oh, I don’t know… like something low, foolish, empty, and unintelligent. A Republican, for instance.
Like I said: comedy.