This Is Why Trump Should Pick Tulsi Gabbard for VP

AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite, File

I know Trump's people released the "short list" of his VP picks, but I'm not buying it.

Trump is clown-slapping Biden in almost every demographic except for those pesky, middle-aged, white zin-chugging Caucasian broads. They hate Trump with the power of 17 Prius hybrid engines. 

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I am personally related to at least two such women. One screams like a wounded harpy when Trump is on TV. The other, after a weekend of debate, admitted that her hatred of Trump is largely "emotional." By that, I assume she means it is hip to abhor Trump in her estrogen-overdrive social circles. You know the type: suburban, middle-aged moms dressed in their LULULEMON threads, posing as shining examples of what today's women "should" be as they nibble avocado toast like their hipster kids.

FACT-O-RAMA! I have other women in my family who loathe Trump, but they no longer talk to me!

I have a sneaking suspicion that loathing Trump is cool with women who graduated with a degree or two only to abandon them to push prams to "baby yoga" classes. 

They see themselves as smarter than us MAGA-capped goobers who are not worthy of debate. When pressed into a discussion, these Hillary lovers dodge facts and figures of Trump's victories during his term, usually with a haughty "you're stupid" snicker and a condescending brickbat talking point, likely purloined from serial harridan Rachel Maddow. But Tulsi Gabbard can change some of their minds. Maybe not all, but perhaps just enough to push Trump into the White House and President Finger-diddle into the tar pits.

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Gabbard is the woman that lefty "paint and sip" chicks pretend they are: strong, smart, and unafraid. Few, if any, of the Trump-hating ogresses out there have served in the military. Gabbard, not caring what others think, had the lychees to leave the Democrats, a move that could potentially end her political career, when she saw that the Party had become a laughable, donkey circus, a move most liberal women could never fathom. Of course, it doesn't hurt that, physically speaking, Gabbard is also a total stun gun.

FACT-O-RAMA!  I know four horizon-far-left "Bernie-broads" who are pro-life but too afraid to tell their friends lest those friends abandon them like Hunter Biden's stripper love child.

Many conservatives scoff at Gabbard as a liberal in Palin's clothing. I say that Gabbard saw the light and bailed on what could very well have been a meteoric rise in the Democrat Party. As a former lib myself, I respect her move. I lost, at best, a couple of micro-brew sucking drinking pals and a lot of comedy work when I started voting Red. Gabbard bet her entire political career when she pulled the bat chute on her career as a Democrat.

CONNIPTION-O-RAMA! Alan Dershowitz, a Democrat who has been supportive of Trump during his bogus criminal charges, has become a pariah to the limo libs on Martha's Vineyard. Democrats love diversity unless its diversity of thought, at which point they become screeching infants.

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The Democrats' plan is to scare young women into voting for Gropey Joe over so-called "reproductive rights." The last thing Trump needs on the ticket is another "old, pro-life white man," and yes, I'm counting Tim Scott in that group as well.

I know many conservatives will not budge on abortion. I understand you don't want to face God and admit that you voted for people who aren't die-hard pro-lifers. But if you think the abortion rate is horrendous now, wait until you see what the commies have in store for our nation if the Democrats aren't stopped.

Most importantly, Gabbard offers the Republicans something no one on the left can offer young women: a strong, fearless, ethical leader who can impress young female voters, although I will concede Kamala Harris is a better role model for women going into the amateur porn industry.

The two parties have shifted over the last eight years. The Democrats have gone full commie. The Republican Party, which belongs to Trump, has become the party of the sane and is drawing former Democrats, like Gabbard, myself, and my retired auto-worker dad. People like us brought Trump over the finish line in 2016. We'll do it again. The "problem" is that this new wave of Republican voters probably isn't as conservative as others.

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Trump's "shoot-from-the-hip" attitude has vanquished traditional Republican milksops like Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan. Trump impressed and swiped blue-collar workers, a Democrat stalwart bloc, because they can relate to him. Now they need a woman young female voters can get behind. 

Also, how funny if the first female president is a Republican, not a Democrat? Hilarity will ensue, and there is no sweeter sound than a waling communist.

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