Election 2020
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Caitlyn Jenner Wants to Be Kanye's VP

AP

Dear Reader, I don’t claim to be any sort of prognosticator. Heck, I can’t even spell “prognosticator” without help. But every once in a while, I predict something that kinda sorta ends up happening in real life. The other day I lamented Kanye West dropping out of the 2020 presidential race — right before it was announced that he’ll be on the ballot in Oklahoma, because you just never know what’s next with Kanye — and I made the following suggestion to the Joe Biden campaign:

Biden should take heed, because he could really earn some goodwill here. As a way to thank Kanye for not splitting the anti-Trump vote, Biden should make his VP pick Kanye’s mother(?)-in-law, Caitlyn Jenner. Not only would this fulfill Biden’s promise to make his vice president a woman, but it would prove he’s not a transphobe and he supports our Olympic athletes even after they permanently disqualify themselves from further competition.

Well, it might not turn out exactly that way, but guess who’s also thinking along those same lines? None other than the gold medalist in the 1976 Olympic men’s decathlon herself!

TMZ:

Caitlyn Jenner wants Kanye West to keep his presidential bid in the family … and she’s already positioning herself to be Yeezy’s vice president…

Caitlyn says she’s already texted Kanye about being his running mate!!!

Caitlyn thinks they’d make a pretty awesome combination on the Birthday Party ticket … and while it sounds like she’s joking about being Ye’s veep, ya can’t exactly rule it out, not with the way Kanye’s entered the race at the last minute.

Click the link to watch the TMZ creep pestering Jenner outside Starbucks. Jenner is just joking, of course. It’s all in good fun. But I can dream, can’t I? After all, Jenner has never closed the door on talk of running for public office.

As we all know, there’s absolutely nothing funny about the guy on the Wheaties box turning 65 years young and deciding that he was actually a she. It’s never too late to change your mind, or any other part of your body. So I won’t make any jokes about Caitlyn Jenner becoming the first president who’s also the First Lady. That would be wrong, and I would just get coerced into making an increasingly pathetic series of public apologies.

Kanye’s current VP pick is someone named Michelle Tidball, who’s apparently a preacher in Wyoming. Ye bought a huge ranch out there recently, so I guess she’s one of the locals he’s befriended. Selecting her as his VP makes about as much sense as anything else about the Ye campaign, so why not.

I’ve been steadfast in support of my favorite write-in candidate, computer security expert and firearms enthusiast John McAfee, but I’m willing to keep Kanye in mind this November if he really steps up his crazy game. Like, don’t just say you’ll rule America like Wakanda. Start going out in public in a full skintight Black Panther costume! Don’t just say that vaccines are “the mark of the beast,” and that “humans that have the Devil inside them” want to “put chips inside of us… to make it where we can’t cross the gates of heaven.” Perform an exorcism on live TV! Promise to make Kim Kardashian the Secretary of the Interior because she loves decorating. Appoint Elon Musk to the Supreme Court. Whatever, just go nuts. Make it fun. It’s 2020, man. People don’t care about your policies, they just want to be entertained.

First we had a president who wanted to be a reality star. Now we have a reality star who became president. With Kanye, it has nothing to do with reality.

Just go completely bat$#!+, Kanye. The worst that could happen is that you’ll win.