The man wants a government bounty program to protect us from Burmese pythons. Seriously.
I think it is the right and proper role of government to protect us from giant alien snakes that are destroying our environment, threatening our children and pets. If you want to call me a RINO for that, go for it. I can do without the cowboy poetry festivals, but invasive giant snake genocide: mark me down for a yes.
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You see, I don’t think we need a vast new government bureaucracy to kill snakes. Heck I think if we created a vast new bureaucracy to kill snakes we would very quickly end up subsidizing people to raise snakes to kill them. But, are you telling me that during a time when unemployment is outrageously high, the government can’t put a bounty on snakes and get results? I don’t know what the right number is but for the sake of argument if we had a hunting season in which you could bring in unlimited number of Burmese pythons for $50 per pound, my hunch is Burmese pythons would be erecting memorials to the great snake genocide of 2012.
Seriously, I need two hands to count the number of cabinet agencies I would shutter. I cringe every time I remember George W. Bush saying that whenever somebody hurts, the government has to move. But when it comes to an invading army of giant snakes, it’s time for the government to get moving.
Faster, please.
Faster, please, you say? Well, cast your eyes on fair Sweetwater, Texas. They have a rattlesnake problem out that way, a problem which is several orders of magnitude more of a threat then non-poisonous and generally slow-moving pythons. Every March, thousands gather in Sweetwater for the fun and privilege of hunting, killing and eating rattlesnakes. The local Jaycees run the round-up. Participants buy a ticket that lets them in on the hunt. They have a carnival and other events attached to the round-up. I understand some out-of-staters don’t like the event very much. This anti-roundup site fails to make the event sound like anything but fun. But if Wikipedia is right, the round-up is good business along with being useful for controlling the rattlesnake population.
So there’s your solution to the Python Crisis of 2012: Let some local clubs or groups organize periodic hunts, let them charge for tickets to hunt, and let hunters do what hunters do. People will pay for the privilege of killing snakes in great numbers. No government bounty necessary.
I only know one anecdote about government bounties for snake-killing, but it suggests they don’t work that well. The wife of polar explorer Sir John Franklin, while he was governor of Tasmania (the island off Australia, of Tasmanian Devil fame), offered a bounty of one shilling for every snake’s head brought to her. Though she spent over six hundred pounds in one year, no appreciable difference was made in the snake population.
I think if you want to reduce the number of snakes in the Everglades, you are either going to need to find a profit motive, find Saint Patrick, or find some way for the left to believe the snakes are a threat to Democratic political victories.
The last would be the most expensive to society, but would insure a national mobilization of epic proportions. “No Justin boots, no peace…”
There was at least one case of that sort where enterprising fellows were actually breeding the snakes to increase their payout. But hey, with the right people in charge…!
Texas? Bah. I see your Sweetwater and raise you one Opp, Alabama:
http://www.rattlesnakerodeo.com/rr/
the Eastern Diamondback found in Ala is not as common or numerous as the Western DB found in Texas. There is no glory in killing snakes just for the sake of killing them.
I think Vermont still has a bounty on porcupines.
Yes, but New Hampshire has a breeding program for RINOs.
Or we can show Romney a poll that has giant Burmese pythons within striking distance of Mitt to win an election.
Earth to Goldberg … we have State governments. These state governments have their own specific responsibilities and almost always are better places to solve problems.
Short version: take your Federal Government and shove it.
Jonah needs to man up, gear up and go get his wife a pair of python-skin pumps!
I checked out the comments and found only 1 Simpson’s “Whacking Day” reference. Very disappointing.
I’m with Bryan here… make a project fun enough and you can charge people to do it for you, did we learn nothing from Tow Sawyer and the whitewashing of the picket fence. As we know, if we have a government agency in charge of this we will all be asssesed with Bear Taxes.
I have no idea whether python skin is subject to some sort of EPA restrictions, though the way the EPA has been exceeding any appropriate bounds lately I would bet it has restrictions in this area.
But snakeskin is a valuable commodity. Snakeskin shoes, belts, watchbands, jackets all go for premium prices. Remove the restrictions on python hide products and I am sure that Florida will become a center of herpetological couture.
Betcha get way more meat off a python than a rattler, too. Anybody know if they’re good eating (the pythons that is)?
Somebody could open up “Monty’s Python,” a snakemeat restaurant.
LMAO! yeah, but there would be some ADA, EPA, FDA, and other regulatory agencies piled high in that restaraunt to write up and fine everyone including the cook and every redneck patronizing would be fodder for the media and the AJ would lock them up for racism.
Thanks Buzz. I thought ‘couture’ was a typo but looked it up on the off chance it wasn’t. Joy into the day, I learned a new word. That is about as exciting as it gets for a 70 year old man. Many thanks.
Meh. Just write a script for it and SyFy will make a movie around them. The poor snakes will commit suicide out of embarrassment.
+1. And Sci-Fi used to be so good…
Well, Mega Shark could use a new opponent….
There are eight million stories in the Snaked City…
A good sized python is at least a wallet, a hat band and a belt. Throw in another and that’s a pair of boots. Let the Americans of Scotts-Irish (redneck) ancestory celebrate their unique culture and within a decade consider the problem extinct.
you mean there are pre-born purses just crawling around in the wild??? how’s about a birkin rodeo roundup? that’s a future hermes bag swallowing someone’s pooch!
Oh my stars, I haven’t laughed like this for a while. Only quibble — no self-respectin’ woman carries a “purse” these days. Handbags, bags, clutches and if going Victorian, reticules.
Never much worried about snakes, nor do I wish to profit from them.
Now if anybody ever signs on for a bounty of EPA heads, sign me up. I’ll work for free.
Was it not the Scottish philosopher Donovan who said, “when I was a young man, I was led to believe that there were organizations that would kill my snakes for me: ie., the church; ie. the governmnnt; ie. school. But then I got a little older, and I learned how to kill them myself.”
Why, yes, I believe it was:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TY7Rxae4pjU
actually I would like a python skin jacket, belt and shoes as well as boots.
maybe I will start a small business ….well once the OTHER snake is gone.