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5 Items of Lingerie That I Don’t Understand

"Brevity is the soul of lingerie" — but some items didn't get the memo.

by
Hannah Sternberg

Bio

June 20, 2014 - 7:00 am
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It’s wedding season, which means my roommate and I have been shopping for gifts to give our female friends at their bachelorette parties. It’s a fine line to walk — you want to give her something racy that everyone can giggle at (and that she might realistically wear), but not SO outrageous that it makes her and everyone around uncomfortable. We’re not prudes, but we’re not getting anyone a ball gag, either.

Fortunately it’s also the season of the lingerie sale (probably not coincidentally) so we’ve had ample browsing opportunities. A few items, though, just made me scratch my head. How do you put it on, or get it off? How is that remotely comfortable, or sexy? What does it mean?! I invite you, dear readers, to investigate each case with me. Can you explain this lingerie to me?

Top Rated Comments   
I'll be happy to take this article as a respite from grinding reality. It seems like it was only intended to be cute and funny with no pretense of social commentary. Its nice to lighten up for a couple minutes.

That said, I'm going to take a broad-brush stroke at social commentary anyway. It seems to me that when reality gets pretty hard to take that women often get sexier. I wasn't alive during WW I or II but I've studied those times a great deal. Women seemed way sexier to me during those eras than at less stressful times. There seemed to be an obvious lack of sexual confusion in those wrenching years. Men were men and women were women and everyone was proud of it and it was marvelous. The landscape wasn't full of the fashionably alienated, checked-out men, and gender studies gargoyles. This fun little article has provided a light, confusion-free moment. (Maybe it should be noted that bachelorette parties imply sex within the confines of marriage.)

We may now return to the cataloging of leftist corruption and insanity.
8 weeks ago
8 weeks ago Link To Comment
".....or get it off?"

lol. You're not supposed to take it off but let him take it off.
8 weeks ago
8 weeks ago Link To Comment
Harald >> "women don't understand men very well. For us, you just have to be there."

Ooh, so wrong, in a way that hurts the best, nicest women.

Sure, most men think that because women won't give them enough. But there men out there though that have less sex drive than most women, and women out there that have more than most men. And there are women who will do more than a man can take out of sheer love.

And if a man is lucky enough to find a woman like that, happy as he will be, his libido still never lets up driving him. It's not a drive that's designed to be satisfied. He wants exotic lingere, new techniques, and in his heart he wants different women though if he has any decency he shoves that thought down.

What's a treasure of a woman to think, when she's told all the time that all she has to do is be there, and he still wants something else? She'll feel like there's something wrong with her when there's really something extraordinarily right. And he always will want more/different/further; it's just the way he's made.
9 weeks ago
9 weeks ago Link To Comment
All Comments   (34)
All Comments   (34)
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This lingerie is meant to be still-posed. Full Stop.

It reminds me of Shakespeare’s “All the World's a Stage” monologue in As You Like It
(QUOTE All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players. UNQUOTE)

Shakespeare suggested that people have always presented a public face, but thanks to social media, the younger demographic are far more into life as theater than Shakespeare could have dreamed.

This won’t end well.
8 weeks ago
8 weeks ago Link To Comment
I have but one solution to your dilemma: peignoir!

Really, the French are right as usual in matters of love and sex. A long flowing , transparent, mesh based lingerie is the solution for most women. Feminine, artistic, comes in a wide variety of colors and styles and hides many flaws. Baby dolls, chemises and 'Teddys' have their place but the peignoir is a reliable all purpose garment ideal for arousing desire and promoting intimacy. It won't fail you. And it looks great with heels, pumps and sandals. Beaded, embroidered, with glitter or without, bejeweled or be-ribbon-ed it can adapt to any woman's fancy. So buy one and try it out with your special love interest.
8 weeks ago
8 weeks ago Link To Comment
"How do all your jiggly bits stay put?

Your bits are not supposed to jiggle much, nor need to be kept in place.
8 weeks ago
8 weeks ago Link To Comment
If it doesn't jiggle, it's probably plastic.

8 weeks ago
8 weeks ago Link To Comment
Hannah, all of these items make perfect sense in their own way and if you don't understand then all I can say is grab a sense of adventure and try them out.

Also, rule number one of lingerie: NEVER buy it for someone else.
8 weeks ago
8 weeks ago Link To Comment
This.

Those items displayed were all attractive pieces. Sex needs to be spiced up a bit, time to time. The right piece of lingerie changes the mood. It's about adding a bit of fun to it. It's not all about moaning. It's better when there are lots of smiles, too.
8 weeks ago
8 weeks ago Link To Comment
The teddies I used to wear when I was younger had snaps in the crotch area. Sort of like onesies for big girls.
8 weeks ago
8 weeks ago Link To Comment
I'll be happy to take this article as a respite from grinding reality. It seems like it was only intended to be cute and funny with no pretense of social commentary. Its nice to lighten up for a couple minutes.

That said, I'm going to take a broad-brush stroke at social commentary anyway. It seems to me that when reality gets pretty hard to take that women often get sexier. I wasn't alive during WW I or II but I've studied those times a great deal. Women seemed way sexier to me during those eras than at less stressful times. There seemed to be an obvious lack of sexual confusion in those wrenching years. Men were men and women were women and everyone was proud of it and it was marvelous. The landscape wasn't full of the fashionably alienated, checked-out men, and gender studies gargoyles. This fun little article has provided a light, confusion-free moment. (Maybe it should be noted that bachelorette parties imply sex within the confines of marriage.)

We may now return to the cataloging of leftist corruption and insanity.
8 weeks ago
8 weeks ago Link To Comment
Good points. I think that when people are forced to focus on what is really important, they become less distracted & are governed more by natural forces. IOW, people become more real, less pretentious. As you so aptly put it above: "Men were men and women were women....."
8 weeks ago
8 weeks ago Link To Comment
It's porn clothing.
8 weeks ago
8 weeks ago Link To Comment
What is this ? A new Tantric studies department at PJM ?

(The spell checker suggests "antarctic" instead of "tantric" , not bad)

8 weeks ago
8 weeks ago Link To Comment
Must be a case of artificial intelligence.
8 weeks ago
8 weeks ago Link To Comment
".....or get it off?"

lol. You're not supposed to take it off but let him take it off.
8 weeks ago
8 weeks ago Link To Comment
Actually, the wife always wears 4B (accessorized with fuzzy slippers). At least in the winter.

A woman that is comfortable, warm, and content is much more receptive.

(And, by the way - it comes off a LOT easier than any of the "strappy" contraptions.)
8 weeks ago
8 weeks ago Link To Comment
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