I hereby provide my list of the Ten Hardest Movies to Turn Off Once You Start Watching Them. These may not be the best movies ever made — or they may be. But no matter where you come in on these films — no matter whether you intended to watch them or stumbled on them while lazily channel surfing — they grab you and won’t let you go. Or at least they grab me — which is more important, because I live here and you don’t.
Except for the first one — the most compulsively watchable film ever made — they’re not in any particular order. And any further suggestions will be welcomed and watched.
The black hole of movies. You’re turning the TV channels. You hit The Godfather. Two hours are gone. What the heck happened?
Jimmy Cagney and Edward G. Robinson reincarnated in the form of Al Pacino and Robert de Niro. Michael Mann directed and every actor in it went on to have a career, even a lot of the bit players. I have a copy of this in my small collection but I bury it under the floorboards with a magical sign scrawled on top of it to keep it from jumping up and stealing my life.
3. Ben Hur
Prime Chuck Heston in a story so big even the Son of God only gets a cameo. Recently I came in on the middle of this on Turner Classics while I was working out on the elliptical machine. I lost 35 pounds because I couldn’t stop watching. It was like that scene in movies where the hero gets locked in the sauna.
Still the one. Not just unturnoffable, but probably the greatest movie of all time, too. People who say the greatest movie is Citizen Kane are just lying to sound smart. Also, Gone With the Wind is practically a school on how to deliver a strong female lead without turning her into a make-believe man. What a woman!