McDonald's Is Doomed

How about a barber shop with shampoo laced with Nair? No, that doesn't seem like a good idea to you? Let's talk about it at my bar, where I water down the scotch. No, you'd rather not? Well, that's how I feel about a "modern, progressive burger company."

A progressive burger chain is like a quiet rave, a smoke-free poker game, or a free & fair Chicago election.

A burger chain serves up the sandwich version of meat & potatoes -- the very antithesis of "progressive" anything. A fast-food burger is supposed to be simple, hearty, wholesome, perhaps-not-entirely-healthy fare designed for families on a budget and on the go.

It's not wraps. It's not tofu. It's not sprouts. It's a burger and fries, ably prepared from decent ingredients at a price that encourages people to indulge. In short, it's nothing of which Michelle Obama is ever going to approve -- not that there's anything wrong with that.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Easterbrook is misusing the word "progressive" just as badly as American "progressives" do every time they use it. But I doubt it, at least until Easterbrook's plan is revealed.

But how "progressive" will his plan turn out to be?

This shouldn't be rocket math. Progressivism has come to mean top-down, pre-engineered, overpriced, "we know what's best for you," nannystatism -- which is not what I consider to be a fun meal with the kids.

A fun meal with the kids is decent, fast, inexpensive dining on American food. There's nothing "progressive" about it. And any attempt to force that square peg into the round hole of our hungry mouths is doomed to failure.

Would it surprise you to learn that Easterbrook is a Brit?

Me, neither.

Meet you at Steak 'n Shake?