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May You Live in Interesting Times

This is a real lede from a real news story about real people doing real things:

Both Gen. David Petraeus and Gen. John Allen intervened in the same nasty child custody battle involving Natalie Khawam, the “psychologically unstable” twin sister of Jill Kelley, whose bombshell claims of being threatened by Petraeus' lover led to the top spy’s resignation last week, the Post has learned.

You'll need a flowchart and maybe disinfectant to get that one all straight in your head.