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President Obama's New American Vocabulary

“Make No Mistake About It”: Something neither "perfectly clear" nor "in point of fact."

Media: The Ministry of Truth.

Money: You have made enough of it already.

Muslim Brotherhood: Secular, at least largely.

Muslims: Those who also worship Jesus but without the bothersome bible thumping.

NSA: Add another A and it would be an Islamic outreach agency.

Nuclear Option: To be outlawed, except in the Senate.

ObamaCare: Sort of read, sort of passed, sort of enacted, sort of ended.

One-percenter: Obama fundraisers.

Police: Act stupidly.

Profile: Typical white person.

Profit: Not the time to.

Race: Cowards never talk about it.

Recess Appointments: Hardly “damaged goods.”

Renditions: Valuable anti-terrorism protocols once George Bush left office.

Reset: Turning neutrals into enemies.

Revolving Door: Abuses ended by those like Peter Orszag.

Sequesters: Forced on fiscally sober presidents by uncaring, callous opponents.

Spiking the Ball: You avoid that by mentioning a dead Osama bin Laden ad nauseam.

Spread the Wealth: Tuition at Sidwell Friends.

Spying: OK on friends, suspicious when on others.

Taxes: Never were raised on those who pay more of them.

Tea Party: Presidentially referenced sex act.

Terrorism: Endemic among returning Iraqi veterans and Christian fundamentalists.

Transparent: Say it enough and it happens.

Typical White Person: Jorge Meza Zimmerman.

Undocumented Workers: Never had documents and not all have worked.

Unemployment Rate: It depends on why you want to know.

White Hispanic: Not to be confused with white African-American.

Wind and Solar: Like farm subsidies without the farm.

Workplace Violence: Murdering 13 soldiers while yelling “Allahu Akbar.”

(Thumbnail on PJM homepage based on a modified Shutterstock.com image.)