President Obama's New American Vocabulary

Filibusters: Unpatriotic obstructionism begun in 2007.

Genocide: An American crime unknown to the Germans, Hutus, and Turks.

Guantanamo: Virtually closed as promised.

Hawaii: Now in Asia.

Hope and Change: 2016.

Illegal Aliens: See undocumented workers.

Interest: It no longer exists.

Fast and Furious: More often a slow and methodical death.

Fat Cat: The new Al Gore.

Fifty-seven states: A trick question on Harvard Law School exams.

First Amendment: So long, glad to have known you.

Food Stamps: Never stamps and not always for food.

Fracking: Produces way too much unnecessary energy and money.

George Zimmerman: Does not look like the son Obama might have had.

George Zimmerman Trial: An indictment of white male America, when a female judge instructs an all-female jury in a case involving a Latino shooting an African-American -- with pretrial input from an African-American president and attorney general.

Golf: A populist sport necessary to relieve the weekly tensions of average-guy presidents.

Global Warming: Along with rising seas, mostly ended by the president in 2009.

Green: Alternative sources of money.

IRS: Investigation of right-wing suspects.

Israel: A boring free-market democracy surrounded by rich cultural diversity.

Jihad: A sort of personal journey to be posted on Facebook.

Law: Can occasionally be enforced against the right people.

Leading from Behind: Or rather following from the front.

Lobbyists: Disappeared from government in 2009.

Lying: Speaking untruth except when doing so before the Congress and under oath.